For making me scared of everything.
For unnecessarily overthinking what I'm thinking
Every time I think about something that I don't wanna think about.
Sometimes people who suffer from anxiety enjoy a routine. They wake up in the morning at the same hour, put on the same uniform for work, arrive a half hour early just to get some personal things done, then do the same job they’ve been trained to do for a number of hours before going home to relax and repeat the process the next day. Within the few years of being with Sombra, Angela had fallen into a new routine that she had now grown comfortable with. The blonde typically woke up first and would brew a pot of coffee while her lover slept in. Sometimes they had the liberty of speaking to each other before Angela had to leave for work. Other times she would leave love notes by the coffee machine saying that she’ll see the other woman later that night.
The nights were easy and something she looked forward to. They’d enjoy each other’s company and do whatever domestic things cheesy couples do at that age. It was a nice change compared to the lonely life Angela had lived before she had gotten to know Sombra.
But all of that was taken away.
The first few days after Sombra had left were hard. After all these years together Angela had grown so used to the company the other woman provided. It was the little things like realizing she didn’t have to make two cups of coffee in the morning that hurt the most. But Angela had to deal with the reality of their situation.
Sombra was on the run and there wasn’t anything Angela could do to change that.
Her comfortable routine was changing and she didn’t like it. At first she would constantly look at her phone expecting a text from the hacker, but she soon learned that she shouldn’t bother wasting those precious seconds for a message that most likely wouldn’t come.
The weeks after that were still hard, but Angela was starting to adapt. The house was quiet and sure, she missed having a warm body next to her in bed, but it was becoming manageable. Work was a successful distraction most of the time. It was only when Angela was left alone with nothing to do that her mind would start to wander and think about the things that could’ve gone wrong.
She’s smart enough to not let those thoughts entirely consume her though.
She’s learned from past mistakes after all.
It’s not until weeks of radio silence turned to months that things really started going south for her. There were a few text messages from her lover, but they were a rare occurrence. Most of them would mean nonsense to the general eye, but that’s because they were in code. ‘The stars look beautiful tonight. I hope you got to see them too’. It was one of their ways of saying ‘I hope you’re safe and doing well.’ The replies would follow the same pattern. Sometimes the messages would be more explicit and flat out say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you.’ But most of the time? Most of the time there weren’t any messages.
And that’s what ate away at Angela’s anxiety. It’s the times where she asks about the stars and she doesn’t get a reply for days- sometimes even weeks. Was Sombra okay? Was she being held hostage somewhere? Was she being tortured beyond physical recognition? What kind of trouble did she get herself into this time? Was this something she would be able to get herself out of?
Or did she bite off more than she could chew?
It’s not like Angela shouldn’t expect this kind of situation to happen once in a while. She is in a relationship with arguably the best hacker in the world, and hackers are known for doing shady things. She can’t expect Sombra to be here 24/7. Had this happened a few years ago, maybe Angela wouldn’t have been so willing to stick around. Perhaps she would’ve found a new person to obsess over. Or maybe she would have just buried her nose in more work files. But times have changed and she’s become more easy going. She also wasn’t getting any younger and the number of bachelors / bachelorettes were dwindling.
I guess you can say she has settled down for good.
There wasn’t anything special about tonight. On this quiet summer evening the Swiss woman was standing on the balcony outside of her room with a warm cup of tea in her hands. Dull eyes glance up at the stars and for a moment she wonders if Sombra could see them as well. Did she think of Angela when she saw them? Or were they just a distraction to her while she was on the run? For a brief moment Angela is tempted to send a text message to her lover. ‘You know what they say. Follow the stars and they’ll lead you back home.’ But she decides against it.
This is the longest time she’s gone without a response from her partner, and there was a big chance she still wouldn’t get one despite sending a new message.
It’s not like there are multiple unanswered messages asking about the stars sitting there collecting dust anyways. They’ll be answered one day or another. And if they don’t? Well, consider Angela lucky for adjusting to her new routine of being alone.
A soft sigh leaves the woman’s lips as she glances into the dark cup of tea she was holding. She’s barely touched touched it. It was supposed to help ease her mind before she went to bed, but instead she was just craving the warmth it gave off since she didn’t have anyone here to fill that spot.
I’ll get a response soon.
But it’s getting late and Angela wasn’t looking to wake up feeling even more tired than when she went to bed. So she takes the cup of tea back inside and makes her way to the kitchen to get rid of the drink. There was only one thing left to do, and that was to prepare the coffee machine so it would be ready with the press of a button in the morning.
And she’s sure to just leave one empty mug right next to the machine.
There’s no one around to share it with anyways.