Summary: She hated him, for everything he had done to them, the damage he had caused, the suffering and pain he had left behind. She hated him… Didn’t she? Emilia comes face to face with the leader of the Saviours and is confronted with his true nature, which in turn has her questioning her own.
Warning/s: Eventual smut, slow burner, profanity/swearing, graphic descriptions of violence.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
No gifs are made by me unless otherwise stated. All credit goes to the original creators.
A/N: THIS IS A LONG ONE SO HUNKER DOWN! I couldn’t leave you another whole chapter without Negan, so I combined two as a thanks for all of your lovely support.
She couldn’t have been asleep for more than a couple of hours which meant she had a fair while to wait before she’d see the daylight again. She had two choices, stay here and hope they bypassed them or move and risk being heard. If she remained where she was and they discovered her, it surely meant the end for her and Logan…
If she moved maybe she had more of a chance, it would be harder for them to find her but in turn she’d be stumbling around in the dark and had more risk of running head first into a walker.
She listened hard, all of her senses were on high alert. She knew she was around 50 miles away from Alexandria, which was a days travel on foot, whoever these people were they could have a vehicle.
She jumped hard and pulled on Logan’s fur as a loud, high scream pierced the air around them, drifting from somewhere ahead. Then gun fire, the anguished screams of another person, she could hear them begging whoever was injured to say with them… Then more gunfire.
She closed her eyes for a moment as the imagined scene flew up unbidden from behind her eyelids. Why had they used guns, the fools. That would have attracted every walker in the area right too them.
She clung to Logan, every noise making her jump.
She didn’t sleep any more that night, her heart raced in her chest and she was sure it was as loud as the gunfire had been, was sure it would draw every walker to them.
She didn’t know how much time had passed until she heard the shuffling, it had felt like hours but could have only been mere minutes. It sounded like a lot of them, gurgling and groaning and stumbling their way through the forest.
And she was stuck right in their path.
She sucked in a deep breath as panic seeped into her bones, her arm tingled at the rush of oxygen and she felt light headed as she thought about the possible outcomes.
She’d never forgive herself if her foolhardy venture ended up with Logan being… No.
She wouldn’t think about it.
She trusted her dog and so laid in total silence beneath him, the large tree was their only cover. She listened intently as she heard them bounce off the rope surrounding the clearing and continued in another direction.
She felt every single second of the minutes and hours that passed, her muscles screamed from the constant tension in her muscles but she was too afraid if she moved they’d hear her. Her fists were still clenched in Logan’s dark fur as she held him atop her, fearing that if he moved they’d get him.
Silent tears tracked their way down her face as the stench of rotting flesh surrounded them. She was grateful for her nose being buried in Logan's fur, his familiar scent comforting her as they waited together. Fear overwhelmed her, fear of moving, of being discovered, of the rope snapping or a twig giving way beneath their combined weight, fear of Logan shifting or one of them tripping and managing to get through…
As she ran through the many scenarios in her mind time passed slowly, she had never wanted to see anything so much as another sunrise, but she knew that if it rose whilst they were in the midst of the herd, they were done for.
Gradually the noise seemed to lessen over time, fewer groans and dragging footsteps led her to believe that the bulk of the herd had passed them and it couldn’t have been in better timing as the sky was beginning to lighten ever so slightly. She could just see the glimpse of sky through the canopy of trees.
She remained where she was, her whole body felt as though it was on fire having had constant adrenaline rushing through her for the last few hours. She thought she’d either pass out or throw up when she moved. She hoped that she was at least away from the walkers if that happened.
The sky was beginning to glow now, before it had been a dark navy as the sun began to rise and now the sky was a glowing red and orange.
Suddenly she heard her mothers voice in her mind.
“Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning”
She refused to acknowledge the feeling of dread that filled her stomach, it was just her mothers superstitions rubbing off on her and she wouldn’t let them influence her now.
She had just enough light to see her surroundings and as the shuffling had lessened she risked a glance to her right to see their situation.
A few bodies lumbered their way through the trees, only visible as dark shapes shifting in the minimal light. She shifted slightly to try and look behind them, to see if there was a way out. They didn’t have much time now before they would be bathed in sunlight. She couldn’t see round the thick tree which had kept them hidden all this time, not without moving and Logan firmly remaining in place told her he was against that idea.
She loosened her grip on his fur and felt somewhat guilty as clumps came away in her sweaty palms. She couldn’t believe she had been gripping that hard and he’d not even made a move or noise, again she felt her heart swell for her loyal pup.
The sky was lightening by the second, now stained with pink and yellow and the dark shapes became more discernible. They were still surrounded, though now by a massively reduced amount of the walking dead. She would have guessed during the darkness they were in the midst of a herd of at least a hundred walkers, now however she could guess more or less ten of them were straggling along at the back.
Logan shifted and she knew that was her signal to move. His warm heavy weight lifted, hitting her with a blast of cold air which helped alert her further. He was silent as he moved, his paws settling into the leaves beside her without even a crunch. She sat up as slowly as she could, hoisting her bow and ignoring the pain in her arms knocked an arrow, on one knee she surveyed their surroundings.
Her movement had attracted attention and the walker closest groaned loudly and stumbled towards her, arms outstretched whilst his exposed guts swung from the slit in his bloated stomach.
Disgust curled her lip as she pulled back and glanced briefly to her side at Logan. He was gone.
Panic shot through her and her eyes darted around the area. She couldn’t see him. Surely she’d have heard him if anything had happened?
She loosed the arrow, fear for her best friend now driving her as the wood hit home and lodged within the eye socket of the disembowelled walker. It fell with a thud, drawing the attention of the remaining.
She had five arrows left and at least double that were now all heading for her, enclosed in her self made rope circle she realised just how pathetic it looked. They bounced off the rope but kept coming, she fired her arrows one by one, the adrenaline coursing through her veins as she knew she couldn’t miss a single shot, and she didn’t.
But she still didn’t have enough arrows.
Once she had run out she threw her bow over her shoulder and bent down to retrieve the hunting knife, her eyes still frantically scanning for Logan. She didn’t realise she had been backing away until her back hit rope and fingers clutched at her clothing.
She gasped and jumped forward, spinning quickly to see an open mouth full of teeth and a black, rotten tongue snapping at her. The walker seemed aggravated to have been so close and not gotten a taste and lunged forward, his head pushing through the two lines of rope as he toppled forward into her inclosure. She took her advantage whilst he was on the floor and lodged her blade firmly into his temple. The body stilled and she breathed, finally noticing the growls and thudding of bodies dropping to the floor around her.
She span to the noise to see him and relief filled her just as much as fear as he leapt at a walked and ripped at its throat until its head was dislodged from its body.
“Logan!” She hissed as another walked stumbled towards him. He shot out of its way just in time and sped into the trees, a long low howl striking her to the very core as she realised what he was doing.
“No!” She whispered as tears streamed down her cheeks as she watched him lead the walkers away.
She leapt into action and retrieved her arrows, not having time to untie her rope Emilia grabbed her pack and ran after them. She stayed alert, well aware her crashing footfall through the forest was alerting everything with ears to her presence, but she wouldn’t lose him.
Each walker she came upon she stabbed through the back of the head, lodging her knife upward from where the neck ended and head began and swiftly removing it and carrying on her pursuit. Her chest burned and her breaths puffed out in clouds of air as she ran until she could run no more.
“Lo-gan!” She called, bending over with her hands on her knees, knife dangling from her fingertips as she panted. “Logan!”
She heard a low howl, and her head snapped around to the echoed noise, it had come from back the way she had come. He had circled round for her only to find she had disappeared.
“Fuck. I’m coming!” She cursed and retraced her footsteps back, running past the bodies of the fallen walkers, some she had killed and some she had come across with their heads ripped clean from their bodies.
At this point she thought she may pass out, her legs burned and her chest pulsed with warning as oxygen set her lungs on fire but she refused to stop until she found him. She had been running across the dirt road which cut through the forest when a set of large paw prints leading up caught her attention. She looked in the direction of the clearing they had spent the night in and saw the tracks had come from that way. Had he realised she wasn’t there and continued up? She knew he could have tracked her, found her, but if he knew she was coming maybe he was leading her to something.
She followed the tracks, happy to see the large paw prints but knowing the gnawing dread in her gut wouldn’t be assuaged until she saw him.
The tracks led her back into the forest, she was up about 5 miles from where they had been the night before when, whilst tearing through the trees, familiar eyes pierced hers and she let out a happy laugh as she ran at the black, furry figure which was sat next to a fallen tree. She launched herself forward and wrapped her hands around him, his large tongue licked the side of her face once as she muttered how happy she was to have found him into his fur.
Then her eyes slid sideways and she realised what he was sitting next to. It was two bodies, they must have been the ones who were caught by the herd unaware last night, the two they had listened to as they die. She pulled the black scarf around her neck up and over her nose as the smell hit her. The first man had been torn apart, there was a large open cavity where his stomach used to be and a single hole in his head. She looked to the other figure and realised what must have happened. He’d shot his friend as he was being ripped apart and then himself when he realised there was no escape.
She let go of Logan and shut off her feelings as she opened her pack to take whatever she could from them.
She’d nearly lost Logan for their stupidity.
She picked up the gun from the undergrowth and was about to deposit in her pack when a carving caught her eye. Her gaze jumped over the two bodies and then back to the handle of the gun. A baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. They were saviours.
The image of Negan flashed into her minds eye and she shook her head to dislodge it, taking a little satisfaction knowing these couldn’t be good people. Not if they followed him.
They had been carrying a lot, food, weapons and even medicine. She wondered if they had been separated from a larger group, perhaps raiding and stealing from another group nearby. Emilia shouldered both her pack and the one they had been carrying.
She was slightly disappointed not to be able to head on and look for more but she simply couldn’t carry anything else on foot. She motioned for Logan to follow her and he did, his head pressed into her hip as they walked and she rested her hand on his neck as they made their way back to the dirt road, knowing that following it would lead them home.
“You scared me you know.” She said as she looked down at him, he only looked at her as he panted, his tongue and teeth dripped with blood and only now did she rub her cheek where he had licked her. “That’s fucking disgusting Logan.”
She wiped her face on her shoulder, fully aware she was just smearing the blood across her cheek. Still she ruffled the fur on his neck, pleased they had made it out of there together as they walked together.
A couple of hours had passed judging by the position of the sun when the low grumble of an engine caught their ears. They both diverted from the path, Emilia ducked behind a large tree and looked back up the road, trying to catch sight of the vehicle. The sunlight glinted off the windscreen and it wasn’t until she could see the driver that she smiled with relief. She’d know that hair anywhere.
She stepped into the path and waved, Logan took her cue and reappeared at her side as the car slowed to a stop and she opened the door to let him in, getting in behind him.
“Mind if we catch a ride back?” She turned to Michonne who eyed her with a grim smirk, her gaze lingering on the new pack and blood smeared cheek.
“Sure… What happened to you?” The engine started and Emilia laughed, she delved into her bag as she explained their night, finding the remaining can of dog food she passed it back to Logan who stuck his head straight in.
“He deserves the rest of that for what he did.” She concluded and Michonne looked at her in disbelief.
“Jesus.” She looked back at the road, seeming tense as if she was deciding whether or not to say something. Emilia gave her time, enjoying the cold wind on her face as they drove with the windows down. “I found The Saviours and their compound. We’re massively outnumbered and outgunned. There is nothing we can do to fight.”
It was the first time she had heard Michonne speak with an air of defeat and she looked at her friend in shock.
“That big, huh?” Michonne only nodded, her hands gripping tightly to the steering wheel. “Well then I guess we can only keep on doing what Negan wants until we find another way.”
When Emilia spoke the name of the leader of the Saviours Michonne shot her a strange look and chewed over what she was about to say.
“He’s got his eye on you.”
“Ha.” Emilia snorted, rolling her eyes. “He’s just a self important, egotistical jackass who thinks he’s gods gift to women and that we’ll all fall at his feet if he flashes a smile.”
“I agree.” Michonne said as she turned to look at the woman beside her. “But be careful. It’s you he’s singling out. Don’t do anything stupid.”
The conversation died then as she briefly mulled over Michonne’s warning before her thoughts turned to having a shower at home, she missed being able to have a hot bath but it wasn’t an easy thing to come by nowadays. Her daydreaming was interrupted as Michonne cursed loudly and she realised why as they pulled up to the already open gates of Alexandria.
Both women exited the car quickly and Logan stayed at Emilia’s side as they entered, Negan’s many men loitered around the entrance as they leant against the vans smoking and drinking. All eyes were on them as they entered and they aimed to quickly make their way past.
Michonne was ahead of Emilia and walked up toward the storage lockup quickly, assumedly to check what was being taken. A large bald man stepped in front of Emilia as she made to walk past, blocking her route.
Michonne looked back but Emilia shook her head once, telling her to go on, saying she could handle it.
“Well what the fuck we got here?” The man laughed and looked over to his friends, all of whom laughed and jeered from their place against the metal side of the van.
“Move.” She said, glaring at the man who took a step toward her, only to hesitate as Logan snarled at her side, his upper lip pulled back to show his large, sharp teeth.
“You better tell your fucking mutt to heel bitch or i’ll make it my dinner.”
Before any of them could react she had her bow drawn and aimed as fury pulsed through her veins, the sharp metal tip was inches away from the brutes eye socket and he looked shocked as his friends withdrew their weapons and yelled at her to drop hers.
“Say that again.” She spoke, ignored them. How dare he threaten Logan after what he had just saved her from, after the hell they had been through. “I fucking dare you.”
“Oh yeah?” His voice quivered slightly and he didn't move any closer, although he tried to uphold his false bravado she could see through it. “What, you gonna shoot me?”
“My arrow in your eye socket will be the least of your problems.” The large, bald man got the insinuation and his eyes slid down to Logan at her side, clearly now noticing the fresh blood staining his teeth as he snarled and snapped at the man. “I have often wondered what would happen if he bites someone with rotten walker blood is on his teeth… Do you think you’d get infected? Shall we find out?”
“What in the ever loving fuck is fucking going on? Why can’t you fucking people get the damn message I swear to-” The familiar deep voice approached from behind the large balding man who blocked her path and field of view. His speech stopped as he approached from their flank and saw who it was and what was going on. “Well, hello there Duchess, I was wondering where the fuck you were.”
“Out scavenging. For you and these dim witted morons.” She could feel his eyes on her but she dared not look away from the man in front of her. Her arm didn’t even quiver as she held the tension in her drawn arrow.
“Lower your fucking weapons.” Negan spoke to his men who did as he said, the bald man frowned in protest and opened his mouth to complain before the authoritative voice spoke again. “You fucking move back from her unless you want your dick ripped off by her fucking guard wolf and an arrow in your eye. I don’t think she’s fucking around.”
He did as he was told and stepped away, his eyes narrowing on the pack at her shoulder and she lowered her bow slightly, the tension easing as she allowed the arrow to rest but didn’t put it in her quiver, just in case.
Negan entered her field of vision, his eyes tracked over the blood on her face which was probably mixed with tears and dirt. She clenched her teeth and swore to herself she didn’t give a damn what she looked like. She’d been out scavenging she wasn’t going to look clean and fresh as a daisy. He handed Lucille off to Carl who was stood behind him, his hollow socket fully exposed as he bowed his head. She frowned at him for a moment in confusion before that voice captured her attention then.
“Well, aren’t you the most fucking beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.” For a split second she thought he’d been talking to her… Then she realised his eyes were fixed on Logan who was still at her side, his snarls having reduced to low growls now that the other man had moved out of her personal space.
She saw Negan take a step and looked around, everyone was watching. The whole of Alexandria knew Logan and his temperament, it was as if they were all waiting with bated breath to see him lunge at Negan. Well, she wouldn’t let her dog be shot because they wanted a show, begrudgingly she warned him.
“I wouldn’t… He doesn’t like strangers. Men especially.” Those dark eyes flicked up to hers as he smirked cockily and crouched, his arms resting on his knees as he met Logan’s eyes.
“I’m sure we’ll be best of fucking friends.”
She snorted in disbelief. “Yeah right, okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If he rips your throat out we aren’t responsible and they aren’t allowed to shoot.” She pointed toward his men who were watching the situation with morbid curiosity and fear.
“Yeah yeah sure Darlin’, no one shoot if the dog moves. Happy now?” He flashing his white smile at her before looking back to Logan. “What’s this beauties name then?”
“Logan.” She said, finally putting her arrow back in her quiver and her bow over her shoulder to free up her hands to lay one upon Logan’s neck, attempting to calm him anyway she could. If Negan was determined to do this, she hoping her lack of hostility would show Logan not to do anything that could put them in danger.
“Well, hello there Logan. You are fucking magnificent!” He extended one large, tanned hand toward her dog, leaving it handing in the air between them, waiting. Logan continued to growl, the hair on his back and neck was raised upward as he held Negan’s gaze, she patted his neck and sighed.
“I told you, he doesn’t like men.”
“Sure he does.” Negan said tilting his head at Logan. “He just hasn’t fucking met a real man yet.”
She rolled her eyes, his alpha male, macho rubbish wouldn’t work on Logan. She was just hoping they got out of this encounter alive.
Then, suddenly, the air appeared to shift and she stood amazed as Logan went quiet, licked his lips and stepped forward, butting Negan’s hand with his head once as the man in question grinned from ear to ear.
“Theres a good dog!” Negan scratched Logan behind the ear once and stood, now toe to toe with her and she suddenly wished she hadn’t holstered her bow. “See, he knows who’s in charge. Does his mistress?”
She clenched her jaw and couldn’t resist rising to the bait. “Don’t get cocky, one word from me and he’d rip your throat out regardless.”
“Oh I don’t fucking doubt it Duchess!” His eyes glinted with hunger as they roamed over her. “Hell if I got to sleep in your bed every night i’d rip any fucking throat out you asked me too.”
“Can we get through now?” She decided to ignore his previous statement, heeding Michonne’s warning with determination not to stoke to fire.
He swept his arm out behind him and turned on the spot, hit tongue touched his teeth as he spoke, his southern accent slightly more pronounced. “After you Darlin’.”
She stormed past with Logan at her heels, she could have sworn she heard him chuckle with glee behind her but she didn’t turn to look. She heard a swoosh of air which could only be Lucille as he took his weapon back from Carl and swung her up onto his shoulder before his longer strides meant he was walking along side her.
“Where is Rick?” He asked her, his eyes watching her carefully as they walked, Logan trotted along between them.
“I was about to ask you the same question.” She turned to look at Carl, a frown pursing her lips before she looked back to Negan. “I’ve been gone two days.”
Negan stopped suddenly and she turned to face him, irritated that her wait for a shower was being prolonged.
“If you weren’t with fucking Rick out there, who did you go scavenging with?” His tone sounded deadly but she didn’t know why, didn’t know what she had done wrong this time so she went on the offensive.
“Logan.” Was all she said before storming ahead, only to be stopped by a strong hand on her bicep. Logan growled in warning at her side as she swung around and faced him again, he was now holding his hand up to Logan to show he meant her no harm before he looked back to her.
“You were out there alone for two days with just your fucking dog? What happened why are you covered in blood and dirt? Why is Rick sending out a fucking woman alone?” Fury seemed etched into his features as his jaw jumped with a tic.
“I wan’t alone, I had Logan. I didn’t want anyone else, I don’t trust them to have my back and I wasn’t going to babysit. Maybe if you didn’t keep turning up days ahead of schedule we wouldn’t need to split up to find somewhere which hasn’t already been picked clean of supplies!” She hadn’t noticed she was approaching him as she got more and more riled up until she realised their chests were practically pressed together. She refused to back away however and show a weakness to him.
“Okay Duchess.” His tone had completely reversed and was now calm as he looked her over. “Point taken, are you hurt?”
She shook her head once. “No, like I said down there. Logan saved me from a big herd and all I want now is a shower here-” She dropped the pack she had recovered from the bodies of his men at his feet. “It was thanks to your men using guns rather than knives Logan and I almost died. Thankfully we didn’t, but your two didn’t make it. I recovered their things. I’m going to take a shower now.”
She walked away, not turning back to acknowledge him as he called out to her.
“You’ve got ten fucking minutes Duchess and if you aren’t at Rick’s house I’ll come and get’cha. Even if you’re still naked as the day you were born!”
She ignored him and the thrill of embarrassment his words sent through her. She refused to give him any form of reaction or proof he got to her.
Nonetheless once the door to her house was closed she sprinted up the stairs shedding clothes as quickly as she could as she laid her weapons down in her bedroom and shot into the shower. The cold water hit her but she didn't have time for it to heat up, she scrubbed at her face and body using the small lemongrass soap she had stashed aside. It has barely been touched and she refused to analyse why she was suddenly using it now. She washed until the water running down the drain was no longer stained with dirt and blood.
She used a small amount of shampoo, taking care not to knot her hair as she didn't have any conditioner to help detangle her mane. Once rinsed and just as the water had some warmth she turned it off and jumped out, quickly towel drying her hair before wrapping it around her torso and peaking outside the bathroom door.
She breathed a sigh of relief at the only sound being Logan's soft snores and quickly got dressed into the only other pair of trousers she owned. They grey jeans hugged her legs tightly and she jumped up and down to get them over her legs.
They were a bitch to get on but she never got caught on fences and there was no excess material for walkers to grab.
She pulled on her combat boots, a bra and a black tank top before looking sadly at her jacket. It was filthy and certainly in no fit state to be put back on. She took a deep breath and looked around for something else, anything else, whilst fully aware the clock was ticking.
She felt too exposed without a jacket or long sleeved top but grit her teeth and took her frustration out on her hair as she dragged a comb through the already curling strands.
Emilia slung her bow over her shoulder along with her quiver and headed toward the door, Logan stretched and yawned before following her and as she turned the handle and pulled the door open she was hit by the autumnal breeze
She walked quickly down the steps and towards Ricks house, the chill of the air combined with her damp hair and lack of sleeves sent goose pimples up and down her arms.
She wrapped them around herself and rubbed at her bare skin, practically jogging to the house only to freeze suddenly in shock as she spied Negan and Carl on the porch.
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