yourstrulykalonkay

Writing is the only thing that saves me. Enjoy my blogging.

[yourstrulykalonkay]

Love Yourself

Life is unexplainable sometimes. I believe in everything that is happening will be for a reason, but sometimes that reasoning is unknown to us. One person can prove themselves to you over and over, but you can still have faith that they will change. Even when they have given you no indication to believe they will change you still hold on to a preconceived notion they will be the person you think they should be. Be real with yourself and believe them when they are showing you who they are. Sometimes you have to take a few steps backwards before you can move forward. I believe that you’ll know down to your inner most self when you have finally reached that breakthrough. Sometimes it takes someone hurting you to the point you have to start believing you deserve better. You don’t have to feel guilty about being happy because you’ve hurt someone before. You need to forgive yourself for being the villain in someone else’s story. Sometimes our own guilt can be more painful and haunting to us then we are willing to admit. However, closing yourself off to your happiness is self inflicting pain you don’t and never would deserve. Forgive, Love, and have Mercy on yourself.

Yours Truly,

Kalon Kay

[yourstrulykalonkay]

My Corner. My Fight. My Life.

I feel like a boxer. Pinned up in my corner against the ropes. Waiting for the the ding ding ding that will decide my fate. It seems like everyone is rooting for me to lose while they are cheering when I have taken another punch. I’m keeping my hands up covering my face, but it leaves other parts of me exposed... my ribs, my heart, and back. There’s no way to protect every portion of my body. My head is held high and I can feel the pain of my ribs cracking, but eventually I become numb. Once you’ve taken so many hits you eventually aren’t afraid of being hit anymore. You just learn how to accept the pain and keep pushing forward. Sometimes you may even get your chance for a good swing making contact, but eventually you will be hit again. The wounds will heal. Some will fade and some will scar, but you’ll never forget the pain and what made them. Today, my life feels a lot like that. I truly believe nothing hits as hard as the people you once trusted. I can’t protect every portion of myself. I am numb. I’ve been stabbed in the back, had my heart ripped out of my chest, and felt like every bone in my body was once broken. Yet, I refuse to be knocked out... so I’m holding my head up and my hands up. I am a survivor. I am a warrior. I am a fighter...

Yours Truly,

KalonKay

[yourstrulykalonkay]

It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Goodbyes are hard for me. They are permanent. I don’t like saying or thinking about not being able to see or talk to someone again. I’ll always end a good night or a phone call with “talk to you later” or “see you soon”. However I believe there comes a time when goodbyes are necessary even when they are hard. It’s a pivotal moment in your life when you realize it’s time to let go and give up. I wasted years on someone who didn’t even care about minutes spent with me. Someone who still proves that they don’t care about me, but yet I still devote myself to this crazy notion that one day it’ll be us again. I don’t want to let go of that, but I have to. I have to leave you behind me. I wish I could erase our memories like you did. This was easy for you. I know that because when I look into your eyes now I see a stranger. I don’t know who you’ve become and I don’t recognize myself. If I don’t let you go I’m never going to find my way. I’ll always look back at what was and wish it was what still is or what could be again. My wish for you is that you’ll find someone who loves you more than I do. I wish you nothing but the best. Carry on, live well, love hard, and goodbye...

Yours Truly,

KalonKay

[yourstrulykalonkay]

Following Your Heart is Bullshit

Following your heart is bullshit. Bold statement, right? Let’s break this down. Your heart can love something that is bad for you. Maybe it’s a person… This person could make your heart beat out of your chest. That would be a physical indication of your heart telling you something, but that can be so easily misinterpreted. You’d think your heart was telling you a good thing until you find out this person is your kryptonite. The closer you are to this person the more susceptible you become. Is this your insecurities or your heart telling you that you that this person is not the right person? Their presence makes you vulnerable. You feel weak with them near, but strong when they are away. When is the right time to be “weak” with someone? To let your walls down and let them in. You’ve learned how to become this monstrosity that shielded yourself from anything that made you feel like you existed. When you’ve been dead inside for so long it’s easy to be drawn to someone that makes you feel alive. Anything that makes your cold barren heart beat again. Even a bad feeling is a feeling worth feeling when you felt nothing at all. Following your heart is bullshit.

Yours Truly,

KalonKay