oh good, I wore my party cardigan @youscheminglittlebitch - Tumblr Blog

awesome that you can form a bond through gay sex which neither of you are engaging in, you're just both thinking about it really hard

willgrahamscock

one day you just wake up to 30 dms from your mutual across the world and they're like imagine if these characters were trapped in bikini bottom and they had to fuck or die and you're like, yeah tell me more

filmnoirsbian

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

filmnoirsbian

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

filmnoirsbian

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

this-is-a-name-dont-worry

gshsjb

fullmetalwindbreaker

lakevida

thequeeninyellowlace

djshahh-deactivated20240305

saltoncity

girl is that a knife in your hand or are you jerking off your sharp detachable penis in my stomach

flerns

im collecting them

my couchsona

#mr krabs at the chernobyl nuclear reactor

laterkiss

worry about it kitten daddy fucked up

laterkiss

don't worry kitten daddy got it

laterkiss

start worrying kitten daddy fucked up

frankenfran

video game secret: there's clever wordplay hidden in the title of the game "nintendogs". the word "dogs" is cleverly added on to the name "nintendo" to form the word "nintendogs". this is actually a reference to the concept of "puppies"

dappergamelord

every lyric annotation on Genius reads like this

evilwizard

okay, everyone who presses the red button survives regardless, everyone who presses the blue button dies if the blue button count is below 50%, and everyone survives if the majority press the blue button

which button do you press

Red 🔴

Blue 🔵

Voting ended onJul 11

evilwizard

aaaaand, new scenario:

A third button has been added. everyone who presses the red button survives regardless, but if a majority press the red button, everyone else dies. If a majority of people press the blue button, everyone survives—except for anyone who presses the green button. Everyone who presses the green button gets a crisp 1 dollar bill

which button do you press

red 🔴

blue 🔵

green 🟢

Voting ended onJul 11

#red has no down side in the first one????#like everyone should press red the fuck is everyone else doing #but in the second one sure I went with blue

yesornopolls

If you have a middle name, is it after someone else in your family?

Yes

No

See results

Voting ended onJul 6

#both are!#one is my mum's name and one's my great-grandma's name

eroscestlavie

Rose Tyler was so iconic…no job. no father. hopping planets wearing approximately 10 lbs of waterproof drugstore mascara. a man at home who knew full well she was getting her back blown out by debate team captain space alien David Tennant on the regular and would still hang out with her every time she deigned to grace him with her presence. She killed the Devil? what a great character

eroscestlavie

yes mama…

hylianane

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I