youthslost. @youthslost - Tumblr Blog

youthslost — a study of grief & loss, loyalty, revenge & taking your power back, lost innocence, and justice. indie multimuse blog for characters from the chinese novel mo dao zu shi. affiliated with lambify.

penned by tay, 26, they/them. est. 2023.

click url for carrd. mobile friendly info under cut.

icon. promo.

also found at notomorrows.

#UPDATED SEPT. 3RD

youthslost

hiiii guys sorry for being MIA I've been dealing with chronic illness and The Horrors continue to persist. but! I'm hoping to return once I'm finished my course in like 2 weeks and have more time to be sillaaaaay

miss u all MWAH

youthslost

hello everyone I am finished my course (with a 93% HELLO im goated or whatever the kids are saying) AND I am unemployed now what's up 😎

#> ooc.#job was being evil to me for being chronically ill so i quit 🙃 so #i have been so extremely genshin pilled recently so my mdzs muses don't rly have the braincell rn but when they do....... ill be back

hiiii guys sorry for being MIA I've been dealing with chronic illness and The Horrors continue to persist. but! I'm hoping to return once I'm finished my course in like 2 weeks and have more time to be sillaaaaay

miss u all MWAH

#> ooc.#u guys have to catch me up on what ive missed when i come back ok? ok

softgrlfriend

I have been nothing but elusive and difficult to you and this is how you treat me

#lwj musings.#forgot all my tags oops #anyway.... him sulking over wwx as if hes given the guy any indication that he likes him

i know I've been missing for 50 years but lwj day is upon us so I have resurrected

#> ooc.#> tbd.#HIIIII idk what was that u guys i needed to Turn Off for a bit ig #apologies if i havent answered your discord messages i got overwhelmed and then it felt like too much time had passed to respond idk MDJDKDH #ill make my way through them #anyway. LWJ DAY!!!!!

youthslost

would u perhaps like this post if you would allow me to go through your meme tag and send u something(s)

youthslost

going to send these tmrw :3

#im so exhausted i am ready to feel like a functional human again

filthyprotozoan

(me on a first date) and what do you think of the inherent intimacy of surgery? have you considered the love someone must have to put their hands under your skin and hold the most grotesque parts of you and put them back together nicely? is anyone really closer to you than that? we all get uh a little enamored on the surgery table don't we haha. wait come back

#to the master of the eldritch she's a growing bed of thorns. — ( wen qing musings. )#yeah. yeah exactly.

❝ so you're off to gusu soon, huh? ❞ zhao xiang rested her training saber across her shoulders ❝ say, want to switch places? we might be able to get away with it -- ❞ she tapped a finger against her chin in faux thought, lips curling into a carefree and teasing grin,❝ until zongzhu sees us, anyway. ❞ -- for huaisang! // frexiasought

nie huaisang lets out a groan so dramatic it belongs on a stage performing a great tragedy, the sort of despairing sound that might accompany the tragic death of a hero or, in huaisang's case, spilled ink over a work in progress. he sprawls his top half across the stone table at the edge of the training yards, his own saber leaned up against the side, completely untouched all afternoon.

“ don't remind me! ” he wails, glancing up at zhao xiang with a look of great suffering. “ dage wants to kill me, seriously — sending me there again! he's so cruel! sick and twisted! not a drop of love or compassion left in that stone heart of his! ”

of course, nie huaisang understands his brother's intentions perfectly well — receiving a good education, discipline, reputation and all that — but really, he's already received it! it isn't his fault all the exams are simply impossible!

but...

“ switching places is out of the question... ” huaisang sits up, getting a certain conspiratorial look on his face. “ but you could come with me! you could help me study, ” do the work for him. “ and then i can pass and never have to wake up at those unholy hours ever again! ...and you get to be a most noble and trusted friend! an honour, wouldn't you say so? ”

#frexiasought #frexiasought > zhao xiang.#nie huaisang > ic.#he's so dramatic sorry ;u;

shuravf

I have a soft spot for them 🥹

#the pain in my veins is hereditary. — ( wen qing visage. )#fanart > wq.#ohhh.... fambily.....#I need to write more of them

ashstfu

doing stuff is so hard shout out to anyone who has done anything

#“what's going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of. — ( nie huaisang musings. )#thank u nik this is so good

laarems

Happy birthday wwx get smooched

#lan wangji > wei wuxian. — i had all and then most / some and now none of you / take me back to the night we met #lan wangji > fanart.

twistedappletree

#nie huaisang > wei wuxian.#need a proper tag for them. my dumbass masterminds <3 #the boy who feels kept could be out of his depth. — ( nie huaisang visage. )

fatepowered

A'Yuan wriggles in glee and excitement, and Wei Wuxian nearly drops him. Realizing there would be no containing the child now that he has been prompted by Hanguang-jun, Wei Wuxian crouches and places him down on the ground. A'Yuan reaches up and immediately snatches Wei Wuxian's hand in one of his, and with his other, grasps Lan Wangji's fingers, pulling the two men forward with him.

" Come come, Xian-gege ! " the toddler babbles happily, bumbling forward with both Lan Zhan and Wei Ying at his mercy. Looking at the little boy in those all-white Lan robes, all cleaned up and looking like a proper little disciple, Wei Wuxian can't help but feel comforted in A'Yuan's innocent joy. It looks good on him. " Xian-gege, A'Yuan has been very good for Rich-gege ! A'Yuan is even eating his vegetables. They are not spicy here ! " He continues to list all of his good behaviors, and boasts that Hanguang-jun even brought him new toys to play with.

Immediately, Wei Wuxian's face turns to catch Lan Wangji's expression, just as Lan Wangji turns away. To hear that Hanguang-jun was spoiling A'Yuan even here in such a situation brought a strange feeling into his heart... he wondered if his pulse stopped and started again.

" Haha ! Because A'Yuan is so well behaved, he gets special treatment from Lan-er-ge-- "

Ack!

Wei Ying's response to A'Yuan flows from his tongue without thought, and he's almost all the way through it before he realizes his error. Lan-er-gege ?! Wei Wuxian, what the fuck are you saying ?! It was a slip of the tongue from the days in their youth when he would relentlessly tease Lan Wangji, calling him Lan-er-gege just to see his face become red with fury, but now was not the time for that ! Their relationship was nowhere near what it had been, and while Wei Ying was unable to put a descriptor on it, he could only describe it as... tenuous. Surely, he would earn himself a reprimand from Hanguang-jun for referring to him so shamelessly. Trying to save face, Wei Wuxian clears his throat, trying to stop his face from reddening too much.

" Ahem. Continue being good for Hanguang-jun, " he corrects, trying his best not to make eye contact with a surely furious Hanguang-jun. " What is this new home of yours, A'Yuan?"

youthslost

lan wangji had expected the boy's excitement, but not the way it would ripple outward — catching wei ying in its wake, drawing him, too, into motion. a'yuan's tiny hands latch onto theirs, one to each, and for a moment the three of them are bound together, moving as one through the winding path that curves along the river's edge.

he lets himself be pulled along, his heart at ease as the boy giggles between them.

lan wangji does not enjoy physical touch in the vast majority of situations. some days, even a brush of fabric feels too loud against his skin. when a'yuan takes his fingers in hand, however, he does not move away. even as his mind registers the stickiness there, he tells himself a'yuan is only a child.

but truthfully, all that does is remind him that the source of the stickiness could truly be anything.

but the way the little boy grins up at him, chubby cheeks squishing his features, he decides he can learn to live with a little mysterious stickiness.

despite the passive look on his face, he is delighted to hear of well a'yuan is speaking of his time here. he'd been worried the boy would be scared here in a new place, but it seems he has settled in exceptionally well. it brings such a feeling of relief and calm, he almost doesn't realise what wei ying has called him.

almost.

once, that name had been flung at him in laughter, bright and teasing, echoing through the cold halls of cloud recesses. he remembers the heat that used to rise to his ears each time wei ying said it — the way his carefully crafted composure always cracked, and the way wei ying's grin would smile so bright it could rival the sun.

now, it lands differently. gentler. a ghost of a life that almost was, could have been.

pin pointing emotions on others' faces is not exactly one of lan wangji's talents, but he is quite sure what he is seeing on wei ying's now is something akin to mortification. he is not sure when exactly the man decided to acquire some shame, but he cannot help but feel a little pleased.

“ mn, ” he murmurs, tone calm as his eyes slide away from wei ying with a glint of amusement. “ he has done very well. ”

a little further down the path, and the settlement springs up before their eyes. it is simple but beautiful, as is expected of cloud recesses. wen remnants putter about, sweeping porches and hanging laundry, and the first thing lan wangji notices is how much more alive they look. there is an air of solemnity here as there had been in the burial mounds, but the difference is night and day. how resilient these people are, to be uprooted from their homes once again and already looking like they belong.

perhaps, if he is lucky, wei ying would begin to look like that, too. better yet, feel like that. he turns to him as a'yuan runs off to fetch granny wen, his look expecting.

“ is this suitable, wei ying? ” he asks, nervous despite knowing it is worlds better than where they had been.

#fatepowered #fatepowered > wwx.#lan wangji > ic.#help me I can't stop writing novels #I realized I didn't really give much to reply to so I had to add more to give u something to work with and then I was like #well lets just butter up the whole thing a little more!#one day i'll learn to be concise. maybe.

diivineray-archieve

The Sect Leader’s usual sharp vigilance — the way he clocked every shifting shadow, every set of footsteps down the hall — was gone, eclipsed by the feverish heat between them. He should have cared who might walk in, should have stopped it dead before anyone could catch them like this, sprawled shamelessly across the table. But Jiang Cheng felt drunk on Nie Huaisang’s taste, slaked only by more: breathless, biting kisses that blurred the edges of his restraint.

He’d never kissed anyone before. No warning had prepared him for how explosive this would be, how every press of Nie Huaisang’s lips sent a jolt through his nerves. It was more than the kissing — Nie Huaisang’s body, soft and insistent, moved against him, pulling him closer, legs winding around his waist, making escape not just impossible but unthinkable. Jiang Cheng could feel how swollen his own lips were getting, stung raw and red, and Nie Huaisang seemed greedy for more, devouring him until the need for air forced them apart, gasping, trembling.

Still, neither of them moved far. The heat between them felt fragile, breakable if given a moment to cool. Nie Huaisang stared at him, dazed and heady, lips pink and slick, eyes dark with want. The logic Jiang Cheng clung to so stubbornly fell away — a useless shield against the wild, electric pull low in his belly. Huaisang’s mouth found his neck, voice a velvet-dirty whisper, and Jiang Cheng shuddered, reckless with wanting. His breath hitched, raw and needy.

He tilted up his hand, the elegant weight of zidian glinting on his finger, and traced the line of Nie Huaisang’s jaw — slow, teasing, until his fingertip pressed softly to those swollen lower lips. His courtesy name had always tasted bitter, but the way Nie Huaisang breathed it out now, heavy with longing, twisted something hot and reckless inside him. “ If you keep talking like that,” Jiang Cheng murmured, voice rough, “ I won’t be able to stop myself. ” He didn’t wait for a reply — he caught those lips in another searing kiss, hands roving down to grip Nie Huaisang’s waist, clutching his thigh and hauling him closer. Their bodies pressed so close it was dizzying, friction building, every touch fanning the fire between them.

He never wanted it to end. Not for anything. There was an ache in his lips to taste more, to see just how many ways Nie Huaisang could unravel under his mouth, how long they could make the night last while the rest of the world faded into shadows and heat.

youthslost

nie huaisang has always known that jiang cheng is a man made of fire and electricity. he's seen it countless times before — in the way he led, in the ferocity of his words, in the way he rules a battlefield, in the simmering temper that felt like playing with fire. he has seen it, felt the heat of it, and always thought himself clever for keeping a safe distance.

but never like this. never so close, never poured into him.

every kiss feels like striking flint against steel. dangerous, bright, and threatening to consume. jiang cheng kisses like he's been waiting his entire life for permission to want, and nie huaisang kisses back like he's been waiting his entire life to grant it.

the brush of zidian's cool metal against his fevered skin sends a shiver running down his spine, his back only arching further, pressing closer, closer. nie huaisang tilts his chin upward, eyes half-lidded, unsure if the electricity he feels across his lips is born from the spiritual weapon or simply jiang cheng himself.

he has half a mind to wrap his lips around that wandering finger, but jiang cheng is too fast, surging back in and capturing his mouth before he can think twice.

it tears a moan from huaisang's chest, deep and hungry and too raw to be disguised. anyone walking by hearing their noises mixed with the creaking of the wooden table beneath him would surely know what is going on behind these closed doors, but he cannot find it in himself to care. not with heat whirling through him, building hot and low in his belly.

“ shall we— ah... ” he mumbles between forceful presses of lips, trying to keep his voice steady. he means to tease — a half-baked question on the tip of his tongue, something about doing further research for his lists — but all coherent thoughts are simply burned away. it is simply too much to ask of him to concentrate while jiang cheng's tongue is in his mouth.

“ gods, jiang-xiong... if that is the case, you better take responsibility for what you are doing to me. ” his legs tighten around the man's waist, tugging him closer until their hips are pressed together -- until jiang cheng can feel the truth to his words, the result of his actions even through the many layers of nie huaisang's ornate robes.

#diivineray #diivineray > jiang cheng.#nie huaisang > ic.#nhs: SOMEONE is getting fucked against this table and I don't care who as long as I get to be a part of it

baoshan-sanren

nie huaisang reaction gifs

#the boy who feels kept could be out of his depth. — ( nie huaisang visage. )#his facial expressions are too good

inkpressedpetals

#i try to live in black and white but i'm so blue — ( lan wangji musings. )

fatepowered

Wei Ying follows behind Lan Wangji with his hands in his sleeves, and without speaking a word. When he had awoken, he had thought he had sensed something between them, some kind of... warmth ? Now, though, as he watches Lan Wangji's back, he feels that illusion slip away. He had been imagining it after all.

He was simply Hanguang-jun's prisoner.

As they near the location where the Wens are currently staying, Lan Zhan stops suddenly, and Wei Ying quite nearly crashes into him, but sees Lan Zhan's hand come up just in time, and freezes in response. His senses are still dim, and as such he nearly doesn't recognize that presence in time, but when the bush rustles and a little form rockets out from it, he knows exactly what he is looking at.

Wei Ying braces himself for the tornado he expects to hit him, but Lan Zhan intercepts; probably for the best, as a light breeze could topple Wei Wuxian the way he was now. Still, he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, though that disappointment is somewhat mitigated by the way A'Yuan's little fist reaches out and grabs at his sleeve, pulling him in. It's an almost imperceptible feeling of intimacy between the three of them, and Wei Ying can't help but remember that day in Yiling, with all the villagers bemoaning Lan Wangji's inability to soothe his own "son." Wei Ying's hand reaches up and ruffles A'Yuan's unruly hair.

" Bahaha! A ferocious turnip indeed ! Who knew the lands of Gusu could sprout such a terror ? " Looking at the way A'Yuan clings to Lan Zhan, and the way Lan Zhan's expression softens, Wei Ying cannot help but feel his heart grow warm, a genuine smile finally breaking his expression. " A'Yuan ! You'd better not be making trouble for your rich-gege already ! " Unable to resist any longer, he reaches out and opens his arms to take A'Yuan, hoping to momentarily free Lan Zhan from the burdens of accidental fatherhood.

youthslost

the last time lan wangji held a'yuan like this, the world had been poised to fall apart around them. now, for the first time in years, it is not chaos that greets them, but quiet domesticity. the hush of wind over the river, the soft sound of the wens talking and laughing not far off.

he glances sideways just in time to see wei ying's expression shift —hesitant, then fond. the lines of fatigue that have carved themselves into his face ease, and for a moment, lan wangji allows himself the small mercy of watching him. then a'yuan is wiggling excitedly, and he is gently lowering him into the other man's arms.

the sight that unfolds before him — the child nestled against wei ying's chest, small arms draped in lan robes wrapping around his neck, wei ying's hand gently smoothing his hair — tugs something loose within him. something that has lain buried beneath years of restraint. a quiet yearning for simplicity, for warmth unburdened by guilt or duty. and at the center, always, always, is wei ying.

as a'yuan launches into excited babble about his time in cloud recesses, lan wangji notes the way his cheeks bloom red and his eyes sparkle, bright and alert. no trace of whatever illness had briefly overtaken him on the journey. he listens wordlessly to the boy as he tells wei ying that he has been on his very best behaviour, and that rich-gege even had toys brought for him.

lan wangji turns away at this, not ready to see whatever expression might be on wei ying's face.

“ a'yuan, ” he says gently, voice threaded with quiet warmth. “ we have yet to see your new home. will you show us? ”

#fatepowered #fatepowered > wwx.#lan wangji > ic.#he's SHYYYY

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