Song #2 Day #2 - Cry Song Story
Amanda lives in a home filled with people who believe that they are perfect. She is raised by parents who have such high expectation of her. There’s always a sense of self-righteousness in her family. It all stems from the past. Amanda’s father was raised by an ex-military who was exposed to much trauma at war. His dad was very strong willed and forceful on matters pertaining to what he wanted for his family. The family had to do as were told and no one was allowed to break the rules. Breaking the rules would result in disownment of sorts and this was something you didn’t want to be known for in the family.
Because Amada’s father was brought up quite staunchly, he continued this pattern in his own family. Raising his children to be the product that would bring him more pride and accolade before his peers. He was tough on them, there’s absolutely no freedom to explore anything outside of the norm, or least what they deem norm. Amanda was his trophy and she had to fulfil her father’s wishes.
She worked so hard to maintain the sense the sense of perfection in her life, a sense of getting it right all the time to keep her father pleased. But no matter what she did, how much had given or how much of herself she was losing in the process, he was never satisfied. She constantly felt like she was fighting a losing battle with him, constantly pushing the envelope only to find that there’s push that awaits her on the side.
This became really frustrating, but more than frustrating it began to weigh her down. Amanda couldn’t keep with him anymore. The more she tried, the more she failed and she just couldn’t do it anymore. She wrote the song…. CRY…. When she began feeling completely hopeless and needed an outlet to express that.
So she said…. Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I just walk in your ways? And then she started calling out to a higher power, and also just calling out to herself, saying isn’t there anything more you could do….
Her one desire was to please her dad, but why can’t I just do what you require. Isn’t there anymore that you can do…. You can do.
I love the part of the song where she write…. Feels like my tears are coming. Amanda has been such a strong person, she’s been withholding her tears for so long… ‘feels like my bodies about to weep’ is such a powerful metaphor, if you think about someone holding in their tears for years only to find one day everything crumbles, and your whole body is about to weep with you. Feels like I’m caving in, unable to stand on my own two feet…..
That’s probably the most daunting experience for anyone especially someone like Amanda, to have to keep yourself together for such a long time, only to find that the pretending has to stop…. Your body is now telling you it cannot hold the pain any longer. And you feel as if you’re losing it so bad you cannot stand on your own two feet. You cannot maintain your composure. She, was going through the worst time in her life, but little did she know it would be the most liberating time ever. Having everything crumble around her, having come to realise that she can never meat her father’s excessive needs for perfection had her come straight to realisation of her truth. I cannot be what he wants, but I can be the best version of who I am. And that has to be enough for me.
If you’re anything like Amanda, or you can relate to what she’s going through… you need to know that you’re not alone.
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