Anymore things on the Barbie dream house? I would like to see aftermath of Fire and ash with them.
(ok anon, I actually finished it this time. thank you for the wait)
random thoughts in various states of expansion (with some other alternations to plot):
Spider's mask failed because of a nightmare and he knocked it off thinking it was the face plate of the neurosect. she doesn't totally opposed to sending him away (to people she trusts. to Norm and Max. to High Camp. where he would be safe but out of her way. she could be ok with him being at High Camp) but until that, she will just. stare at him. if he has another nightmare. not waking him. not soothing him. but the slightest peep from him wakes her and she will ensure he does not repeat the same foolishness again.
he flinched when she held her knife and told him he did not belong. she was burned by this. she knows she is a threat to him. but seeing him flinch makes her angry. with him or herself, she refuses to admit to herself. but she is. how dare he? [how dare I make him so afraid?]
his knife looks like her. he made it from her refuse. he stole it, she had meant to discard her unsued materials, so beneath her work. and he had stolen it and made himself a matching blade. why?
it almost makes her stomach churn that he would copy the same blade he feared. after what she did. what is wrong with that boy?
going with Spider was her idea. not just to see her mother. she needed to ensure Spider made it to the location of her desire.... so she does not like that the Tlalim liked Spider. what if they tried to keep him? what if he wanted to stay with them? what if he did not get delivered to High Camp where she will know he is safe?
she swaps positions with Jake, him going out as an outrider, the second she sees Spider and the children heading for the hammocks. she doesn't sleep, she just scowls at him all night. and hisses when other Tlalim come too close. they have no clue what her problem is, cause they're simply offering a blanket or ensuring that the boy is alright, cause they don't know how a human handles temperatures or how his mask works.
Spider refused to let the science guys put him through the scanner. or, it's a refusal to her. she had been watching him, very literally wanting to kill him, and he'd been fine. far too fine. too jovial. dancing and making jokes and smiling. it gritted against her grief like barbs. she hated him. how dare he? did he not understand what he did to her? her son died for him? why did Eywa save him and not her baby? he was a threat to her world! he should not live— and then suddenly he is afraid. none of the other poking and prodding scared him. but, even if minute, his breathing changed. his eyes darted. he smelt of fear. much like he did when she held him under her blade.
the others didn't see it. he followed them like a kicked nantang. doing what they ask of him like he has no mind. and he cowers when they ask to lay down.
if she decides then to step in and tell them to focus on something else then this foolish boy and his foolish blessing... then so be it. she does not acknowledge his relieved face. she does not acknowledge the following look of confused curiosity. she walks away, hissing that this blessing did not change anything. she is cruel.
she has feelings about Spider earning a tattoo. do not ask her to elaborate.
she was so... strangely content feeling Spider's head resting against her back. she glared at Jake when he told her to land. she was broken out of that strange happy place.
Neytiri refuses to let Jake near Spider, in whatever way she can, after the incident.
she knows it is hypocritical. she doesn't care.
she takes Spider from Jake's arms after a few moments, and an anger builds. how could Jake take a blade to their boy? sure, she had done it to protect Kiri. had thought about it. but she had never kneeled him down and told him he would die. never placed her blade to his throat with real intent. she was allowed to be angry. very much so. she did not care for logic. she just felt the way she felt.
and suddenly, all of her other aloof apathies towards him melts away.
she's pulling him away from Jake and back into the open sun by the river. is he injured? what did they do to him in that lab? he is favoring his left side to his right. his posture is odd. he's shaking. there's bruises on his chest. he seems so sore, he is bruised. there are bags under his eyes. Jake's grip left his shoulder red.
"what has happened to you," she asks, so softly, but so worried. like years of worry are coming to the surface from wherever anger and hate has cast it aside and hid it, "tell me, ma'Spider."
she's inspecting him. gently. he's clearly so confused, ducking his head, not saying much unless she urges him. but he slowly fesses up. they took things from him. stabbed into him to do so. he's in pain.
and she continues to keep him from Jake, glaring at her husband, and keeping her body between his and Spider's. she does not want Spider to be afraid atop his pain and exhaustion. she will handle him for now, until her anger settles.
she makes sure he gets another drink from the stream, and then makes sure he rides in front of her on Sa'ata. she will hold him, if he wants to rest. she watches him breathe the entire way. ensuring that he is kept warm against her. there is no pulling at his numerous injuries.
and she hisses whenever Jake so much as tries to touch him.
she gets to be angry for this flight. she gets to protect her new baby for this flight. when they land, this illusion will break. things will go back to the way they were, even if they will change for the better. but she needs this.
his blade, the one he made to look like her's, was lost to the Mangrove, when he was taken.
she aids him in making a new one, of better quality. she weaves his sheath
after a moment of hugging Jake at the end of the battle, she rises, and takes Spider by his shoulders, holding on tightly. like she used to when she was angry with him and scolding him, only this time she is careful not to sink in her claws. there is a gentleness.
"you are a fool," she scolds, but her ears are ducked and her eyes are wide, and her forehead pinches with worry. "you could have been killed, never do this again."
he's looking at her, first wide eyed, then he smiles a skittish smile.
"I had to protect you, and Tuk, and," he looks at Pril, "her."
but Neytiri only shakes her head, "no, you stupid, stupid boy. you do not hand yourself to the enemy," she tugs him closer, pressing him to her side, "what if I did not get you back? hmm? that was foolish."
there's no anger in her voice. the look Spider is giving her tells her that he knows. he gets it. she has to scold him. even if she is proud.
"I won't do that again..." he's lying.
"you better not," she 'scratches' at his eyes, "or I will pluck out those eyes of yours."
it's easier for Neytiri to accept him in this au. cause she's already abnormal about him.
within a few weeks of the battle ending, she is thinking about the fact that Spider is now... like any other Na'vi child.
he needs to go through his Iknimaya. and she will not allow it to be a Metkayina one. over her cold, dead body. he seems to like the way of the water. but she will not allow it. a child of her heart will go home to their forest, where she know he thrives, and he will complete the rights of their people.
she may have rejected it for 16 years, but the forest and the Omatikaya were Spider's home and ways.
so she just. drops it into conversation one night at dinner.
"when do you want to return to the forest for your Iknmaya?"
Spider chokes. she does not look up from her dinner. the family is wide eyed and slack jawed.
"you would like to, yes?" she continues, finally looking up, "I will only allow it–" because yes, yes she was still being overprotective, even if she was allowing him his freedoms most of the time. but she had put her foot down on a few things. going out alone with Ao'nung (let her have a grudge). joking about claiming a Tsurak. climbing the mountains of the cove at night for some sort of sight seeing. "–if you return the forest. an Omatikayan Iknimaya is your right. so, when do you want to return home."
Spider is still choking on his dinner, currently being smacked on the back by Lo'ak.
"I mean," he starts, "I um... hadn't really thought about it."
"well plan for it. I know you completed many rites before we left. you will just need to complete your last few, yes?"
Spider nods, "yeah... I guess. I didn't really... think those counted."
"of course they do," she says like it is nothing, "do you think you will be ready within the month? you will be able to catch the last Talioang migration, even if a small one. you will need an Ikran for that."
Neytiri is the one to paint his face to claim his Ikran, smiling as she carefully dots yellow paint to his face.
when he makes his cummerbund, she supplies some materials. beads or something. to make him feel connected to her and her family.
she knows she needs to apologize. she has always oddly compartmentalized Spider and how she thinks about him. acts towards him. now and always.
she just does not know how to do it. and she thinks the same of Spider. he seems... equally comfortable keeping things as they are. which she knows is not healthy. for either of them.
but every time she tries, her words falter, and he bristles and tries so hard to avoid the conversation, she feels like she is doing more harm then good.
so she just focuses on being... a good guardian to him.
