narcissistic mothers: ruining your birthday 101
i've never said anything in here, especially because the purpose of this account was always to share the beautiful art that resonated with my feelings at the moment, without the need of actually saying something. throughout the years of this account's existence, a lot happened, and even thought im not the most active user (its the opposite, actually), i feel like i've been helped a lot of times, and maybe this bad-english-not-the-words-i-wanted text can also resonate with someone, if there's still someone out there.
i found out when i was 15 that my mother's behaviour had a specific name: narcissism (thanks to jennette mccurdy). all the years i spent living with her were absolutely hell, and i was able to run away from the house i used to live with her when i turned 18. four years later and she is still trying to ruin every special moment for me, like my birthday, in three days. it is actually a very common behaviour for a narcissistic person to have, and at first i felt guilty because "i should be used to it by now after all the therapy sessions". but i'd like to remind you, if you're also going through something similar, that we're human. it's ok to take a step back and admit that we miss what that person could be as a mom, dad, boyfriend or friend. it's not easy dealing with someone like that, and it shouldn't be so common to learn how to.
and of all the many special days of the year narcissistic people use to make you feel awful and unloved, birthdays are the top one favorite. it seems to be very hard for them to live through a day where they are not the main star and it's not their show. so, usually, they really do make an effort to find a reason or a way to ruin your happiness completely. this year, for example, my mom fought me because i have plans of going on a little trip with my boyfriend for my birthday. she said that birthdays should be a family event and that, as her daughter, i should care more about my mom. funny thing is: for the last three years she didn't care to participate in any of my birthdays. this time she's mad at me because someone (my boyfriend) is trying to make me happy. so, if i am actually going to be happy at my birthday, she has to be the reason. if she can't, it's better to ruin everything.
of course i won't let her. my day is still going to be awesome, especially because her behaviour is something that i can't control and i'm not willing to spend every birthday crying because she doesn't feel like she's getting enough attention. i'd like to reinforce, thought, that i'm only able to avoid her on my birthday because i dont live with her anymore, and i know it's not easy when they're around. what i used to do when i still lived with her was to try to put the situation in the most rational perspective possible. "it's not my fault she's acting like this, a regular mom would never say that, none of what she's saying makes sense and i know i'm not that bad of a person to receive this type of treatment". but if you can and if it's safe, leave like i did.
but don't you ever allow that narcissistic person to convince you you're not worthy of having a decent birthday or christmas or whatever it is. you deserve to be happy and you will.
