Ramdom thoughts.

[yunnyfu-blog]

HESITATION

  Been caught up in the concept of minimalism recently. I’ve always wanted to make time for the things I want to make time for, cultivate the passions that have long been on my to-do list, and set aside some time to be with the important ones in my life; since they are the ones that truly matter, and truly add value to my life. YES. THEY ADD VALUE IN MY LIFE.

  Man, I was so overwhelmed by schoolwork and the mindset that I have to prove that I am good, to fill up the hole of self-worth by doing amazing on tests. 90? okay, can be better. 100? duh. I was just lucky. It is SO SICK. I am sick of putting myself under this whole lot of pressure. It gives me pain. And I know if things keep going this way, at the end of the day I’m left with nothing worth my pride: OK grades, no passion, no expertise at a certain area. I know, that’s not what I want.

  And I am so afraid of changing, of the potential criticism i could get from people who think I become different. Well, to them studying might be the only thing they think I am not bad at. I am nothing but a nerd, to them, I guess. But I really shouldn’t let the worry in my head. Why would their opinions matter to me? There would be nothing wrong with my change, and I should definitely not be shameful of the decision to become a different person. Nothing is wrong, because I am not moving backward, but moving forward. I have to believe that myself at the very first place. Those people may no longer be in my life several years later, so there’s really no point for me to care about what they think of me. After all, if they love me and think I am important to them, they will try to understand and maybe give me some support.

  So, maybe it’s the time for me to stop make believe I am still the person people think I am. Why wouldn’t I have the courage? I need that courage! I have a say in my life to become a person I want to become. I have a say on whether I want to bury myself in the whole pile of books or not. If I don’t care whether I could make great money in the future, I shouldn’t care if others care whether I could make great money, either. Their values wouldn’t be mine. And mine, would not necessarily be theirs. Because we are different persons, we have different beliefs and values. And I, have to hold onto that concept.

  Some things are urgent, but it doesn’t mean they are important. Applying this rule in my own situation, I am not saying that studying is not important; however, they are certainly other things are important too, Like family, like a long-term habit such as reading. If I can be guilty of not spending enough time studying, why don’t I feel guilty of not spending enough time with the important people around me and reading? Obviously it’s because I’ve long put studying a priority, unconsciously, and unknowingly.

  It’s easy to declutter things but it’s so much harder to declutter minds, and I know that. But it’s a road worth taking. By letting go, I’m positive that I can gain something in a more different way and in a larger extent than I’ve ever imagined.

[yunnyfu-blog]

"It's hard to grasp things and keep them firmly in your grip because quicker than you know it they slide through your fingers and you lose control." -- LOVE,ROSIE

[yunnyfu-blog]

I really should learn how to handle the things I can’t control.... Gril, I know how it feels when there’s too much going on okay...

but you gotta face them headstrong!

because that’s exactly what you want.

face them and get em done. that’s where your sense of achievement comes from.

girl, you just don’t give in.

no matter what’s on you mind.

you are worrying not being able to pass the tennis test.

don’t shrink back! just sort out time to practice.

you don’t have time because you dont make some.

you put off the things you are doing now so you dont have time to practice. and this is not okay.

you don’t like your body appearance.

then find time to exercise. you dont have time to do it because you procrastinate. 

you procrastinate exactly because you worry too much

this is so silly ahhahahahahahahhaha.

get down to work silly.

you can do it:) 

[yunnyfu-blog]

  Breakfast is always important to me. I hate rushing in the morning grabbing a sandwich to class. I like to sit down, slowly enjoy some bread and coffee, reading something. My personal opinion, I do think whether I have a decent breakfast decides my mood for the day. If I have a nice mood having my breakfast, my day’s kicked off nice.

  This morning I was at Yamazaki having my breakfast. I left my phone in my room and I decided ‘tis a good chance for me to observe people. And it’s the first time in a while i felt myself peacefully being a part of that breakfast shop. People were aware of each other’s presence but all simultaneously enjoying their lives. I was amazed by the thought that there were so many stories going on at that small place, but everyone delving in that vibe so well and easily, without one bothering another. There were people meeting up with their old friends. Old couples coming for breakfast together(that part!). Everything was so magical to me. And brought back the serenity that had been gone for a while. Haven’t had this feeling for so long, being a part of this society feeling safe.

  Sometimes people are just too consumed by their smartphones and forget to pause a little and observe what’s going on around. Actually a lot going on.

   Everybody put down your phone and enjoy life to the fullest.

[yunnyfu-blog]

I have|

  This semester has really been a little rough for me. Honestly, I am too consumed by self-doubt. And it all started with me being rejected to participate two programs that I was really interested in. I just couldn’t get over all this depressing feeling. Turned out I didn’t work on what I’ve planned at the beginning of this semester. Turned out I lost the momentum to study. I AM NOT HAPPY, and it’s not OKAY.

  I just kept doubting myself. Does it mean i don’t belong to the field that i really want to set my foot in? Does it mean that i’m not qualified for the job with  respect to my potential and ability? Turned out I feel like having done nothing during the semester. I was just too negative. Everything is wobbling to me, just not steady, just not the way I feel comfortable with, just not right to me. And watching people doing the things that they love and witnessing they reaping that sense of achievement, I found myself falling deeper. I became increasingly anxious and jealous. How could they just get what they want while I couldn’t?And this feeling just kept suffocating me, it’s STRANGLING me.

  I’m like in the middle of a dirt road, having no idea where I’m heading. 

  But hey, everyone experiences self-doubt. They don’t always shine as you think they do. They also did their share and earned it. Just because you are rejected, doesn’t mean that your efforts are all wasted. Think about what you have learnt so far, you’ve learnt how to prepare your resume and your SOP, you kinda know how to make it through the first stage of scrutiny. You’ve reflected on how could you do better in the next interview. You kinda have a better sense of your strengths and weakness. All of these..... are what y’ll never ever think about if you haven’t even given it a try. You were afraid of being judged by people, and did they judge you? NO. 

You’re always trying to defend yourself so much. You’re like a hedgehog with all these spines, along with a facial expression reading “ Don’t ever think about messing with me.”  You forgot there are someone who cares about your development, who cares about your mental health. who cares about your everything but you just ignore it, ignore the helping hand that they lend out. You chose to be consumed by the downward spiral that you created for yourself, but not the rope let down just in time to help pull you out.

  Just think about what you already have. Your family. Your friends( well, you know what kind of friend). Your significant other. They are always right there ready to share your problems. Cant you see? They will always be supportive no matter what you do.

  I’m always wishing to be more confident. But gradually I realize that confidence doesn’t come from nowhere. There must be something that you participate, that you contribute your talent to, and if the thing works out in the future, you’ll naturally feel confident about yourself. Yes, there are many who born with confidence and personal charisma. But focusing on your current situation and what you want to achieve, you gotta run faster to match, or you’re left behind.

  You know you’ll feel bad if you don’t get your homework done, then do it. You know you’ll feel sad if you don’t get involved in an extracurricular thing that interests you, the find it. You know it from the bottom of your heart that it’s never as daunting as you think to get them done.

  Gather yourself and get down to work. Maybe it’s a slow process, but you know you’re heading somewhere. Maybe there’s a fog blocking your sight and you don’t really know how the things you’re doing now will go, but that’s how life is, you’ll never know :)

  Go for the things that make you feel right, and don’t do wrong to someone you love, and who also love you dearly :)

-Y 

[yunnyfu-blog]

Doesn’t mean you are “inferior” if you are not on the list unfortunately, just that u are not the kind of person they r looking for at this moment. So don’t feel sad and always remember to move on :) What others view u doesn’t really matter, what matters is how you view yourself!

[yunnyfu-blog]

what turning 20 means

officially 20!

and still so much room for me to improve....

and these will be on my bucket list to become a better person:

i want to be more mature, able to know where i want to go, and really go for it without complaining too much! (and i dont want to be a burden of my baby)

 i wanna be dat positive person who can deal with her own challenges

 no more excuse for not reading more! 

 really spare time for something that i want to learn: like powerpoint, video editing.... etc. NO excuse for not doing things that i love and that i want to give a try

i wanna be able to appreciate more, appreciate little things.... which i think will help me complain less............................................. :P

be more confident, like i have to fake it until i make it!

im really thankful for those activities that i participated in. they modeled me into the person i am today, reminding me of something i can do to become better and stronger.

i dont want to cry when i face challenges, maybe i’ll frown at it, but eventually i’ll realize that they are here, they are happening for me to learn more, for me to forge myself against the potential, bigger challenges in the future.

傅昀畇， you can do it! and just do it! and you’ll be amazed..... by witnessing how you will transit into a stronger person along the path! it’s a long road... but just enjoy every moment as much as possible :)

peace

-Y

[humansofnewyork]

(4/4) “I’m thirty-three. I haven’t been on screen in over a year. Right now I’m down to $50 in my bank account and I’ve got to make $1300 in the next three days just to pay the rent. There’s a lot of pressure on me right now. The only reason I’m sitting down is because I needed a break. I just finished pitching a woman about a spa package, and she talked to me for about ten minutes. I thought I was going to make a sale. But then she told me ‘no.’ Honestly, I felt like I was going to start crying. I had to sit down. Right now I feel like I’m an arrow that can’t be pulled back any further, and is about to be released. I feel like I’m heading toward greatness. Honestly, I have no choice but to believe that. The path has been so shitty. The only way I can make sense of the world is to believe it’s leading me somewhere.”

[yunnyfu-blog]

stress

it’s okay..... take baby steps and you’ll be fine...

you have to see things in a bigger picture, in a long-term way

you have to figure out details, not just cram them.

you’ll be okay don’t let stress ruin everything.

only let stress be what motivates you to move forward.

never let it take over ;)

[yunnyfu-blog]

是什麼讓我現在缺乏動力....?

do i have long-term goals?

yes, i want to be an exchange students.

i want to learn more about video editing, photo editing, and other computer skills.

i want to learn to become more rounded, and able to deal with people patiently and professionally

then why am i feeling so lost, if i have these long-term goals?

i do have purposes, but i’m not working toward achieving my goals. not at all.

i haven’t done any research about the exchange stuff

i haven’t done video editing

why haven’t i?

cuz i don’t think i have time. and it sounds really like an excuse.

everyone has only 24 hours and you only have 19 credits why can’t your set aside some time to do things that you like?

why do i spend so much time doing academic stuff?

cuz i can’t get them done, they just pile up like crazy

does scheduling help?

i think it can help, if i really stick to it.....

find time to really be consumed in what you like to do. don’t let anything take you away from engaging in your passion or that will be too miserable......

“if you think it’s impossible from the very start, then you’ve already lost.”

[yunnyfu-blog]

GRAB IT

It was a little absurd that i reacted so fiercely to the outcome...... so dumb.

i should be happy that i move onto the next stage, not panic like hell!

it doesn’t mean anything that my classmates also have made through it, or that the chance of me failing will become higher just because some of my competitors are from THE SAME DEPARTMENT!

I’m sure i’m overstressed..........

and the words from bae just hit me so hard

... how am i supposed to survive when i set my foot in the society, the daunting and crappy reality?

just have faith.

maybe you’ll fail, maybe somebody will judge you

but you know from the very bottom of your heart that it’s the opportunity you’re grateful to be given but just too afraid to take on.

you know you gotta face it, you know you gotta bring that wall down.

if you don’t trust yourself, who’s gonna trust you?

just be yourself :D and remember, don’t let your fear take over you, don’t let it spoil your performance cuz that would be way too meaningless!

and also keep in mind that every time you thought you’re gonna fail or you can’t even overcome something, things never turned out too bad!

and think of the things you’ve been through, it really did help you build up your confidence.

this time the experience will have the same effect!

don’t let the potential outcomes haunt your mind.

do what you can do, go for it, and always learn something.

smile, and the rest will come along at its own pace, and in its own way!

-Y

[humansofnewyork]

“When I was first learning to drive as a teenager, it was a completely different experience depending upon whether my father or mother was in the passenger seat. My mother was calm, so I was able to make good decisions. But my father criticized everything I did, so I overthought everything and would end up making mistakes. And that’s what my marriage was like. I based all of my decisions on how my wife would respond. Once we got divorced I moved into a small apartment. And the first morning at my new place, I slept until 11 AM. I hadn’t done that in years. And it felt great.”

[danielatumbls]

I’ve Got Some Sad News

You are going to make people unhappy. Yes, you. You have the statistical chance of failing just as much as you do of succeeding at the things you want in life because life is made up out of a series of choices. Imagine these choices like free kicks in soccer; of course an amateur that has never kicked with all the gore in their bones and directional accuracy is going to hit some poles, faces, objects…as opposed to the initial “goal” intended. The only way to get better? Practice.  I know you might be wondering “Yo Daniela, what do even know about soccer huh?”, to which I answer “Very little”.

but bear with me…I think I’m going somewhere with this.  I used to be under the heavy impression that I needed to handle everything and everyone life threw at me at the same time in order to keep things in balance. I had a very hard time saying no. I’m not sure why I had such a hard time. My theory is that I have felt dependancy for a long while now and thought that nurturing other people as opposed to facing myself/dealing with my own problems was the way to go about life. I’m only now beginning to realize it had just about as much effect and use as patching up a broken roof repeatedly only to realize it’s pretty much caving in and you just need an entire new roof real, real soon.  I kept stepping back from that free kick. The chance to face my choices head on and really give my gut a good have at it with all the sincerity I held. I kept wanting to please people. But what about me? Newsflash, it is NOT selfish to ask yourself that question. What ABOUT you, huh? Do you feel like the people around you really build you up? Do you feel you don’t want to be a doormat for people anymore? Its RELEVANT. If you are not happy, you need to fix something my dear, dear friend. The reason you’re going to hurt some people at first (if you’re an amateur, like me), is because you may have never explored this area of yourself before…therefore some of the surroundings you have placed in your life may inevitably be straight in the way of what you want/need because you are actually making an effort to make things right with yourself. Here comes the good part. Once you start building the good habit of honesty with yourself and keep stepping up to that line in front of that choice and giving it all you got more frequently…you will find less things will be in the way of what you were meant to want/have in life. You will hurt people less, you will frustrate yourself less and you’ll actually be well on your way to more of a balance. Does it mean it will be the end of pain once you have mastered the kick? No, quite the opposite. Life inevitably has conflict in its trajectory…even with the good that comes in it, but thats a whole other ball game. We have no other option, life is too brief and too wonderful to pass up on trying your best to be a good person to yourself. Yep, i’m gonna say it….grab life by the GOSH. DARN. BALLS.   - Daniela

[yunnyfu-blog]

Just live with your stress! Sometimes you ain't get nothing if you want it too damn bad.... 我怎麼可以因為會計和個經被打倒! 跟你們拼了!!! Never forget that your grades don't define who you are.... Your attitude does! Go girl you can do it!;)

[yunnyfu-blog]

--補發昨天--@Taipei101#observatory I was so blessed to have met these interesting ppl/ got to know more about them... And a shoutout to those giving me kind words and compliments. Sometimes things are just not that hard as you think it would be. I lost faith all the time when facing challenges but they actually didn't turn out to be that bad! I do believe my confidence is gradually built up after I've gone through these experiences I deemed as challenges. Next time I'll keep trying not to let fear and self-doubt take over me. 昨天真的很自在的做自己😌😌 Gotta have that courage to take on the next one! #extremelypositive #superpositive#2015#CollegeofManagement #BuddyProgram #TaipeiTour

[yunnyfu-blog]

A bunch of kind people 😄 So I am a Singaporean or a malasian 😂😂 So grateful for everything(mainly b/c I nailed the presentation stuff wakaka) It's OFFICIALLY over! Yay! #IHaveASpecialAccent#2015#NTU#ExchangeStudents#CollegeofManagement#CampusTour#Buddy Program#Foreigners 姐的頭髮很像B的滿嚴重的....

[yunnyfu-blog]

#I #hate #my #ego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #theresadangerinlovingsomebodytoomuch #anditssadwhenyouknowitsyourheartyoucanttrust