i wish there was a way to know for certain what your gender identity is. like, am i really nonbinary or am i just a man that wants to be gnc and defy the patriarchy and the expectations society puts on me because of my agab?
i honestly didn't even know i had this sideblog attached to my OOOOOLLLLD tumblr account but i thought id use it for this purpose.
i'm having a lot of imposter syndrome revolving around my gender identity and i need help.
details below the cut
i've been identifying as transmasc for 5+ years (currently trans man and above the age of 18) and my conservative mother and i really started to butt heads after i came out. i'm 99% sure i have ocd and part of the obsessive thoughts were about imposter syndrome and would particularly come about in moments of anxiety.
just today my mom came up to me and said that she is going to affirm my gender because she wants me in her life. immediately i was sobbing in her arms and thanking her. after a few minutes though i began to feel nauseous. granted, ive been out all day and the only "real" meal i had was a breakfast sandwich at 3 pm. now the thought of eating anything worsens the nausea.
The imposter syndrome is hitting extra hard right now, and i can't tell if it's actually imposter syndrome or if i am genuinely not trans and now that i don't have to fight against my mother and try to hold onto my identity my subconscious is starting to see it as a real possibility. one of my greatest fears was proving her right because of her harmful views on trans people as a whole, and now that there's nothing to prove her right about, is the wall crumbling or is it just anxious thoughts and i am still who i've considered myself to be all these years?
basically what im asking for is for anyone who relates to this experience to tell me what happened to them, and where they are now (specifically in terms of their gender).
if any trans people or detransitioners want to share their experiences with imposter syndrome, please PLEASE do so either in my DMs or in the comments or even in my asks. i am nauseous and very anxious right now, and i need to talk to someone about it but i don't want to go to anyone i personally know and i don't have therapy until tomorrow night. I can't tell if the nausea/anxiety is from the huge life shift that's bound to happen because of this or if it's because i've made a grave mistake and now need to take back everything i've said about my identity.
OPEN MINDED RESPONSES ONLY PLEASE! anything helps.
like i actually feel sick thinking about it this and i can't tell if the imposter syndrome is really just an intrusive thought and asking about it (because i made an anonymous instagram account for this too) is the compulsion to sooth the anxiety OR if i should really be anxious about it.
my therapist doesn't specialize in ocd but looooord is he gonna get the rundown tomorrow.
i am genuinely so in my head about this and i don't know know how to stop. am i cis or do i just hate change so much that id rather my mom stays transphobic so i don't have to deal with the shift of not hiding myself around her anymore.
please please please i need advice or just something to calm me down because even watching TV isn't a good enough distraction. doomscrolling worked for a bit but look where i am now!!!!
even advice on how to calm the fuck down without my gender having to do anything with it would be great.
i honestly didn't even know i had this sideblog attached to my OOOOOLLLLD tumblr account but i thought id use it for this purpose.
i'm having a lot of imposter syndrome revolving around my gender identity and i need help.
details below the cut
i've been identifying as transmasc for 5+ years (currently trans man and above the age of 18) and my conservative mother and i really started to butt heads after i came out. i'm 99% sure i have ocd and part of the obsessive thoughts were about imposter syndrome and would particularly come about in moments of anxiety.
just today my mom came up to me and said that she is going to affirm my gender because she wants me in her life. immediately i was sobbing in her arms and thanking her. after a few minutes though i began to feel nauseous. granted, ive been out all day and the only "real" meal i had was a breakfast sandwich at 3 pm. now the thought of eating anything worsens the nausea.
The imposter syndrome is hitting extra hard right now, and i can't tell if it's actually imposter syndrome or if i am genuinely not trans and now that i don't have to fight against my mother and try to hold onto my identity my subconscious is starting to see it as a real possibility. one of my greatest fears was proving her right because of her harmful views on trans people as a whole, and now that there's nothing to prove her right about, is the wall crumbling or is it just anxious thoughts and i am still who i've considered myself to be all these years?
basically what im asking for is for anyone who relates to this experience to tell me what happened to them, and where they are now (specifically in terms of their gender).
if any trans people or detransitioners want to share their experiences with imposter syndrome, please PLEASE do so either in my DMs or in the comments or even in my asks. i am nauseous and very anxious right now, and i need to talk to someone about it but i don't want to go to anyone i personally know and i don't have therapy until tomorrow night. I can't tell if the nausea/anxiety is from the huge life shift that's bound to happen because of this or if it's because i've made a grave mistake and now need to take back everything i've said about my identity.
OPEN MINDED RESPONSES ONLY PLEASE! anything helps.
i honestly didn't even know i had this sideblog attached to my OOOOOLLLLD tumblr account but i thought id use it for this purpose.
i'm having a lot of imposter syndrome revolving around my gender identity and i need help.
details below the cut
i've been identifying as transmasc for 5+ years (currently trans man and above the age of 18) and my conservative mother and i really started to butt heads after i came out. i'm 99% sure i have ocd and part of the obsessive thoughts were about imposter syndrome and would particularly come about in moments of anxiety.
just today my mom came up to me and said that she is going to affirm my gender because she wants me in her life. immediately i was sobbing in her arms and thanking her. after a few minutes though i began to feel nauseous. granted, ive been out all day and the only "real" meal i had was a breakfast sandwich at 3 pm. now the thought of eating anything worsens the nausea.
The imposter syndrome is hitting extra hard right now, and i can't tell if it's actually imposter syndrome or if i am genuinely not trans and now that i don't have to fight against my mother and try to hold onto my identity my subconscious is starting to see it as a real possibility. one of my greatest fears was proving her right because of her harmful views on trans people as a whole, and now that there's nothing to prove her right about, is the wall crumbling or is it just anxious thoughts and i am still who i've considered myself to be all these years?
basically what im asking for is for anyone who relates to this experience to tell me what happened to them, and where they are now (specifically in terms of their gender).
if any trans people or detransitioners want to share their experiences with imposter syndrome, please PLEASE do so either in my DMs or in the comments or even in my asks. i am nauseous and very anxious right now, and i need to talk to someone about it but i don't want to go to anyone i personally know and i don't have therapy until tomorrow night. I can't tell if the nausea/anxiety is from the huge life shift that's bound to happen because of this or if it's because i've made a grave mistake and now need to take back everything i've said about my identity.
OPEN MINDED RESPONSES ONLY PLEASE! anything helps.
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