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@zannflower-blog
I don't love. Not anymore. I don't think I loved in the first place, Clearly not. If that had been the case, Then why? Why would I cheat, lie, hurt? Why would I jeopardize, disrupt, destroy? I don't love. I miss, That's all. I miss; The answers to these questions, Who I was, Who you were, What we had. I miss; In waves, in moments. I miss; Everyday. I miss; All the time. Nope, I don't love, Not anymore.
Not worthy, Of being called beautiful; Of being held tight, late into the night. Not deserving, Being looked at, with eyes that inspire, eyes that make me forget; Being kissed by lips, that want much more. Not understanding, How someone else could make me feel this way, carefree, happy, accepted; How I could ever love someone else. Not knowing, How to trust again; How to put my heart on the line; To forget, to move on.
I Want
I want adventure To ride my bike down new trails And feel my chain grind up the old ones that I love.
I want challenge, My fingers and toes resting on uneven rock, With the deserve to reach the top stronger than the fear of falling.
I want comfort In homemade waffles And hugs that last just a few seconds too long.
I want to explore, To find hipster coffee shops, And little gems I never knew existed.
I want to be happy on my own, Have no worry with solitude And enjoy the company of myself.
I want stop searching for people, And looking for you, in busy streets, And quiet cafés.
I want the pain to go away For it to lessen, or numb And gradually go back to the way I used to be.
Right now, I want so much.
Today at work a little girl asked me if I had a boyfriend. At first I just laughed and told her I couldn't tell her. But she kept up her curiosity. Eventually I responded by saying "I have lots of boy-friends Hannah." She then gave me the sweetest consolation that anyone ever has in terms of dating. "One day one of your boy-friends will become your boyfriend, and you'll kiss and go out on dates and he'll marry you." And truth is... That's exactly how it should be. If only life were that simple.
Lovely one, I would like to say “let go.”
I would like to say “don’t obsess.”
But I feel you might take these words as dismissive of the struggle inside you are going through.
I hope you will come to feel and understand very soon that you are definitely “enough,” definitely worthy of giving and receiving love, and a precious light in this and all worlds. (Written and submitted very kindly by rabbruad1)
21
21 Countless "happy birthdays" And "love-you", and "have a good day". From everyone I can think of that I care about, And that cares about me. Except for you. It's hard to imagine, An age where I don't hear from you. A point in time where a phone call to you is returned with silence. 21 So happy Yet still missing a small piece To make it complete.
And I walk through the night, Perfectly alone, yet accompanied By the darkness. No one sees the tears, that cling to my eyes, my cheeks. That drip off my trembling lips. Only the darkness knows my sadness. And I like it that way. I want the world to see my happiness, feel my smile as if it radiates around me. In the daylight I laugh the loudest. Now, I cry the hardest. But that's only for the darkness to know. For the beauty of the sun shall never see my sorrows.
"If I could have him back, I would never look at another guy again." "And this honestly isn't a "you want what you can't have situation". If I didn't love him, I wouldn't think about him, like every 5 minutes. I wouldn't still read his poetry blog just to make sense of how he's actually doing. I wouldn't actually consider knocking on his door and looking like a fool to beg for him back." -texts to my best friend
I don’t want to talk anymore To feel To love To see To hear
I want to talk forever To feel To love To see To hear
You wrote me a poem It makes the room cry Tears pouring down the walls To pool on the floor
Tears that brought shame Something to mask the pain Everything was in vain
To stop the feelings To keep them forever To let you go To keep you forever
My Lover
God’s Game of Life
Maybe the reason it feels like we have known each other for lifetimes is because our hearts are very old friends, so isn’t love at first sight merely reincarnation? My heart has not seen yours for three lifetimes now, and goodness it was afluttered to hear your beautiful pumping once more Hearts don’t fall in love with humans, nor faces, nor souls Hearts fall in love with other hearts, and maybe life is a game God is playing and love is the only thing everlasting, bouncing from being to being through reincarnation and God watches over with intrigue to see if old lovers can find each other once more, so there is such a thing as soul mates, and long distance doesn’t seem so insane anymore because he just so happened to be born in Great Britain by a roll of the dice, and age difference doesn’t seem so awry He passed in a car accident four years before she passed away from heart failure, and they found each other in the next life, yet everyone calls him mad for being hopelessly in love with an eighteen year old, but she is not an eighteen year old We are not the age we think we are I like to think my heart has been for eternity, and I like to think you’re the only other it’s ever loved You’re my love at first sight within every life, and how lucky was I finding you again in this one?
I want to keep doing what we're doing. To keep the smile I get at the mere thought of something you said. To keep holding your hand while you drive the Mercedes towards the mountains. To keep our morning double doubles and late night sushi. Our steam showers, Netflix binges, And bike rides in the rain. I want to keep laughing and stop thinking so hard. Stop thinking about the future. And the past. Stop assuming that every relationship needs some sort of title. And appreciate the simplicity.
Nowadays, I like to ride my bike down full flights of stairs for the thrill, And get high to watch horrors, just for the fun of it.
And oh how refreshing it is.
I don’t need you anymore. Nope. Because Bruno Mars tells me I’m amazing just the way I am.
