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[zealockthegreat]

"You may live to see man-made horrors beyond your comprehension." Skill issue! I can comprehend plenty of horrors thank you.

[zealockthegreat]

Ah yes Turkey...the chicken of the land...

[zealockthegreat]

About those leaked e-mails...

Turns out "The Art of the Deal" was just something the President does with his tongue.

[zealockthegreat]

Alright so ol' Donny T making noise that he wants Greenland as part of America is probably a political smokescreen, but I'm going to be pissed off if it isn't.

It looks to be a beautiful and unique place, and it's the world's largest island which is really cool.

it's also home to the Greenlandic Inuit people who make up the vast majority of its population. Oh and one more thing about Greenland...

There kinda isn't a lot in Greenland. No offense to Greenland, but it's just ice. Now I feel like that is a famous fact about Greenland, but it does bear repeating "there's kinda nothing there." The population of Greenland is less than 60,000 because dude it IS pretty much just ice. Granted the ice is melting, but that's not an excuse to empire build on it. Which didn't even work the first time.

This guy is Erik the Red, I feel like he's famous/infamous enough not to warrant an explanation, but some people in power in my dumbass country seem to want Greenland for some reason. Erik the Red named Greenland after he was banished from Iceland for killing his neighbors after his father was banished from Norway for killing his neighbors. He came back to Iceland with a plan.

CALL THIS BEAUTIFUL FROZEN HELLSCAPE "GREENLAND" AND TRICK HIS REMAINING NEIGHBORS TO MOVE THERE SO HE CAN BE A KING!!! Now there is a lot more to this history here, but my point is this.

America taking Greenland is a terrible idea sure, but if this nerd chalks up another W a thousand years after his death I'm going to lose my mind!

[zealockthegreat]

"Fair warning, we will also steal your wife even if he's a husband."

[zealockthegreat]

Used to be you could lie in bed completely unconscious for 8 hours at a time, but not anymore because of woke.

[zealockthegreat]

Had an idea for a Boston themed escape room called "Get the Fuck Outta Hea"

[zealockthegreat]

Somebody wasn't getting enough microplastics in their diet and had to take a supplement at this Denny's. We were assured "it was just old."

[zealockthegreat]

There are days when I feel like Lego Korok

[zealockthegreat]

[zealockthegreat]

I've never been susceptible to peer pressure, but if David Bowie rose from his grave and said "This is the worst Colombian black tar heroin money can buy, would you like to do it with me?" I don't know if I'd be able to say no.

The dude made Fushigi balls look cool...

[zealockthegreat]

Gender reveals would be a lot better if they were for adults and about sexuality instead of unborn children and which direction their genetalia faced.

Like imagine a P-51 Mustang strafing a party of people you don't like to reveal that you're Ace.

DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA

"I'M NON-BINARY TOO!"

[zealockthegreat]

I may not be popular on this website, but at least the porn bots keep me company!

[zealockthegreat]

Hell Yeah I like my own posts, monkey brain make feel good when number go up hoo hee!

[zealockthegreat]

I wish I could solve my problems with self immolation. I mean I can, but I can only do it one that's the problem.

"Sorry I can't come into work today I'VE SET MYSELF ABLAZE!"

"Child if you don't stop kicking my seat I'm going to burst into flames."

"Maybe I'd be able to fix your computer if I was on fire, it'd certainly be better than talking to you."

[zealockthegreat]

When you're really exhausted and think you're going to sleep well, but you're too stressed and you can't is an awful feeling.

Next time you're in this position you need to sleep strong, which doesn't really make sense actually and uh...look just get in there and do your best or something I don't know, but I believe in you.

[zealockthegreat]