Rhymes With Pi

I'm Cai, a genderqueer thirtysomething. This is all puns, butts, tattoos, and a mess of like twelve fandoms.

[etheltempest]

i think every member of the usa women’s hockey team should be able to handpick a member of the men’s team to hunt with a crossbow and machete

[kazoo-goddess]

Visit Original Link

Today I sang a timeless holiday classic.

[chrishallbeck]

I love this audio version of my tweet!

[pkmndaisuki]

@queerpyracy

[coffeeseed]

God, I can't tell you how much the "there's not enough enrichment in my enclosure" joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can't comprehend, pretending that I'm a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like "Your head gets screwey when you're apartment is messy" just doesn't carry as much resonance as "The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered" because then I'll be like, no shit? The tiger? I've gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.

[mysharona1987]

[stuckinapril]

sometimes u just gotta do things because 12 y/o you would think you’re literally the coolest for doing those things

[sadclowncentral]

"if mushrooms are the superior lifeform that really calls the shots on this earth, why haven't they destroyed us yet?" listen to yourself. have we as humans gotten rid of every mountain on the planet just because we are smarter than big rocks? no!! because they don't pose a threat to us. sure some people die rock climbing or skiing and that's tragic but mountains aren't dangerous to us as a global society. do you see where i am going with this. it's your misplaced hubris that makes you think that humankind is worth destroying to a mushroom. we are a part of the mundane landscape on the surface. we pose no threat to the mycelian era. humble yourself

[astrayan]

[badjokesbyjeff]

Me: The earth isn’t flat!

fiat earther: correct

me: huh?

fiat earther: it’s the shape of an Italian car

me: what?

fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

[captainlordauditor]

Jeff, c’mon, we’ve been over this

[lichrelly]

girl.. i saw you shrieking in the middle of the forest to summon terrifying creatures. can i get your number

[best-of-inspirobot]

[tearlessrain]

this is in perfect iambic meter and sounds like the first line of a weird poem

[tearlessrain]

Rule #2

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

So don’t ever hug a lobster, simply put, it’s impolite.

[pathos-logical]

[ID: An image of two people shaking hands with the text “Rule #2: don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street” above their hands. End ID]

[prokopetz]

Housecats are often described as soft creatures with pointy ends, but this is not in fact the case – or, at least, putting it that way overlooks a critical distinction.

Though a housecat’s claws are often termed “retractable”, it’s more accurate to say that they’re protractile. A retractable claw is extended at rest, and must be deliberately retracted; a protractile claw, conversely, is retracted at rest, and must be deliberately extended.

In other words, a housecat’s resting state is soft. The cat chooses to be pointy.

[jadedaceofspades-deactivated202]

Avocado Bread from 1973

[ace-trainer-risu]

Craft stores are just like "can I interest you in some...objects? some items? would you like some things?" and every time I'm like Oooh I love objects and items and things!

[memewhore]

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

Oh yeah this the ONE!!

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[thatqueerweirdo]

[Video description: a collaborative Tiktok

On the top half, there's five different people who have stitched the video as different fantasy creatures or adventurers sitting in a tavern and singing along to "Soldier, Poet, King" by the Oh Hellos. All of them are in full costume.

On the lower half, a man in modern clothing stares in shock, with the caption "middle aged man who walked through a portal behind a burger king"

End of description]

[redknight7146]

His shirt reads "Feed Ted Cruz to a bear" btw

[ruffboi-mags]

He also sings along with the chorus with everyone else, while still looking baffled.

[lilbitchthe3rd]

My Star Trek friends, reblog with your favourite most ‘out of context’ Star Trek image

I’ll start:

[catboyweyoun]

[milfmaekar]

[menecrates]

here ya go

[pyllora9]

Oh my time has COME >:D

[ouidamforeman]

Excellent post everyone

[sneasingsneasel]

[ichayalovesyou]

Oh WOW this post got better!!

[thatdisasterauthor]

I think he broke a record for the amount of NSFW jokes in this one. 😂

[chronic-backpain]

A Valentine’s Cream Pie, from ‘59! Mhm! Now I can’t think of anything better for Valentine’s Day, than a good old fashioned cream pie.

[Holding cherry jar] And this one features the maraschino cherry!

[Holding jar of flour] Pastry!

[Holding dough] Hello!

[Throws flour on counter] Ngyeah!

[Slams dough on counter and begins rolling it] Goodbye!

[Holding glass baking container] For a pie pan, we’re going to want a nine inch! I know I do too!

[Placing pastry in container] If you’ve got one, don’t just force it in. Be gentle.

[Pointing to sides of dough.] Now whether or not to edge is up to you. Some people aren’t that patient.

[Happy noises as he decorates edges of pastry]

[Putting dough in over] Blind bake at 425 for 15 minutes.

[Winces as he checks dough and pulls it out.] This finished a bit early. Happens to the best of us.

[Holding pot] Into the sauce pan goes a cup of sugar! 1/4 cup cornstarch, two egg-ies! Two cups of moojuice!! 1/4 cup of cherry juice? Hopefully it’ll be pink! [Looks regretful of word choice.] Bring this to a boil and stir constantly!

[Lights stove] FIRE!! If your hand gets tired, just keep going. I’m single, so I’m used to it. Once it’s thickened, we remove from heat and add in a half cup of chopped cherries! In you go!

[Putting dish in fridge] To the fridge!

[Holding heavy whipping cream bottle] Next, a cup of cream, whipped! Some people are into that.

[Impersonating blender growling noises.]

[Putting whip cream on pie] Bloop!

[Placing cherries on pie] Now we get to top. And that’s always fun.

[Trying pie, looking quizzical, then pleasantly surprised] Mm! Mm!! I like that... Very sweet... But I like it.