searching for light

“And she tried so hard to save the wilting flowers, to save them from death, she forgot that she was wilting too.”

[thcfinalgirl]

Chace Crawford & Melisa Pamuk Manip

[zehraxkaplan]

@zanemarshcxll

[zehraxkaplan]

zanemarshcxll​:

The laugh that swelled within his chest gave further rise to the smile that hadn’t yet left his features. “All things considered, I’m not sure the guest list is the only thing they went a little over the top on. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a wedding so…” He didn’t really know how to finish, everything that came to mind seemed a little on the nose - in reality, it was a beautiful wedding, “And I’m from Texas.” Where, they’d already established, everything was far bigger than necessary. “I’m glad you were invited though,” Somehow, he was worried that without the wedding, whatever was happening between them might have fallen wayside. Casting hues towards Maddy, Zane gestured towards her with a gentle wave before turning his full attention back to Zehra, “You don’t have to thank me,” His voice fell a little softer, “There’s nowhere else, and no one else, I’d rather be with,” A sentiment that fell against her lips as he leaned in to press a gentle kiss, “Promise “

+

There’s nowhere else, and no one else, I’d rather be with. Promise.

How she wished that could remain true for a day longer, but once the wedding descended into chaos and Zehra escaped the bloodshed purely due to being a relatively unknown Viper, it all splintered. The normalcy, the steady rhythm she and Zane had finally begun to reach in their fledgling relationship. If her episode hadn’t frightened him off then certainly this would–– no, should. Time for shoddy half-explanations would come later as the brunette attempted to scour the frantic crowd abandoning the farm, dark hues searching for a familiar profile amidst the terrorized faces. 

Always running back into the fire for the sake of others... Until she saw him, clothes clearly bloodied during the brief time in which they were separated and immediately panic brewed within her chest. Please be somebody else’s, please be somebody else’s. “Zane!” Shouting hardly mattered when the overarching decibel rang so high, but in a matter of seconds she reached his side as fingers immediately steadied the man’s larger form. “Are you okay?” A question that hardly required answering, she knew the signs of blood loss well enough by now. “You need to sit down, the less movement the better.”

[zehraxkaplan]

maddison-campbell​:

…

“I hope so.“ Maddison returned, though between both Zehra and Asher it felt as though there was a great deal the pair had yet to inform her of. Which wasn’t exactly their fault, nor did they owe her anything given her absences over the past decade. Nevertheless, she couldn’t help but feel to some extent that the woman before her had downplayed her battle with addiction over the years, if not out of some kind of self pride then because she didn’t want the younger woman to worry. Because that was exactly what she would have done. “Oh damn, you have it bad.“ The brunette teased, looking from the paramedic as her gaze drifted over the crowd; unable to miss Asher with yet another blonde, only a different one this time. “Do you trust him, Zane I mean?“ She questioned, tearing her gaze from the other as she turned to face her friend. “I hope for your own sake that that’s true Z. But you know none of us would blame you if you weren’t okay.” Clearing her throat some she met the Zehra’s gaze. “It was fucking awful and seeing you like that, in that state. If I could have done something, anything to prevent what happened which didn’t end up in either of you getting hurt, I would have. I’m sorry, really sorry that you were put through that.”

Truthfully, it was embarrassing to recollect the scene Maddy had undoubtedly witnessed when emerging from that bathroom. A callback to her darkest moments that should never have been exposed to the light of day, let alone the opposing half of her chosen family; hadn’t she let down Asher enough? Maddy deserved better than that, they both did. “I want to,” she offered in response, no longer a believer of fairytales and yet capable of swooning over a knight in shining armor when he arrived. He just made it so easy. “But I also know what it’s like to get burned.” The elder Winston almost instantly came to mind, though Zehra metaphorically tucked that information close to her chest. “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

If anything, she owed the apologies... To all of them. 

––Time Jump––

Yet another disastrous moment and it culminated in a plethora of injuries, at least one fatality, and enough trauma to last the citizens in attendance a lifetime. That fact alone led her to take up residence on the couch beside Maddy, perched on the opposing end as she began to discuss a conversation long overdue, yet no less difficult. Life was short, time was fleeting, and there would only be so many opportunities to tell history on her own terms. “I’m sure you have so many questions.”

[zehraxkaplan]

zanemarshcxll​:

Although her lacking answer left him a little more concerned about the phantom truth of how she was doing, he didn’t press. All too easily he remembered how much simpler it was to skirt over the truth that most people didn’t want to hear in the first place. The smile that pressed his lips near hidden as he lowered his head to laugh, clearly, modesty wasn’t a great trait for either of them. “Maybe we both hit the jackpot then.” A hand shifted from her waist, shifting to brush dark tresses from her face as he nodded towards the bar, “After you,” the same hand soon hovering at the small of her back as his body almost shielded her from anyone that might hover a little too closely as they made their way. Both drinks in hand, Zane turned to her and within the small huff of laughter, ushered her towards the dimly lit pathway, “C’mon, lets get some air, you still haven’t told me how you know Julia or Gabriel.”

+

“Maybe we did.” Zehra, at least, felt as if she discovered a literal unicorn in the paramedic after all that occurred in recent weeks. Someone patient, gentle, respectful of her space and inability to outright divulge the worst of her demons. “We’re more like acquaintances, if anything. I suppose when money isn’t much of an object, you can afford to host people from every circle of your life.” Accepting her own drink with a grateful smile, she followed him easily towards a pathway around the bustling reception. Too many people, most of whom were beyond nightmarish to even contemplate existing in one setting together. Fletcher Williams was a symptom of the greater disease really. “Thank you for coming with me, by the way. And thanks for staying even though we’re being watched.” Another half-grin as she gestured vaguely to where Maddy was overlooking from a distance.

[zehraxkaplan]

Starring: @rcfelthiagocrtz​

Locale: Reception bar

Drinking in excess, particularly at such a well-to-do event, felt inappropriate on a multitude of levels. When combined with her general wariness of nearly everyone at the venue, Zehra bartered time by nursing a drink long held for the last hour or so. Nursing as some would call it–– stalling was a more apt descriptor, yet either way she blended with the crowd despite most of her ice melting. Post up at the bar, look natural. Far easier said than done, particularly when one of the higher ups took up residence beside her at the counter. Not the one she’d unwittingly sold her soul to years prior, but close enough and it prompted unease all the same. “It’s a beautiful wedding,” she commented idly, unsure whether addressing or ignoring him would be the better option. “I, uh... Didn’t even know people held stuff like this here. Or that it existed really.”

[zehraxkaplan]

maddison-campbell​:

status: closed to @zehraxkaplan​​​

location: outdoor bar

“Okay — you weren’t joking, that actually has quite the kick to it.“ Maddison mused, as she set the strange cocktail of various spirits and mixers back down on the table before her. Having finally managed to get her friend alone, the pair had settled into one of the various empty tables with a drink in hand. While Maddison hadn’t anticipated she would end up enjoying herself, she wasn’t exactly rushing to take her leave and head home either. The afternoon had been seemingly pleasant and while she had learnt some new details about various people from her past, for the most part the brunette had yet to regret her decision to crash the wedding. “But enough skirting around the obvious, you and Zane look good together.” She mushed, bumping the others shoulder lightly before her expression sobered. “How’ve you been since, well, you know? That night at Asher’s apartment…”

“Well, I wouldn’t lie to you.” Just keep some truths close to her chest, which felt distinctly different than being outright dishonest. Perhaps they were much of the same in retrospect. Discussing anything beyond it felt more familiar and comfortable, thus Zehra easily latched onto the topic of Zane rather than herself or any associated demons. “Thank you,” the brunette smiled with distant fondness as she witnessed the paramedic chatting nearby. “Though I think I’d argue he looks good everywhere and with anyone. It’s those baby blues and angelic aura.” Inevitably Maddy shifted conversation back to the elephant in the room and Zehra swallowed, uncertain about answering what were no doubt trillions of questions. “As good as I can be. You know, all things considered.”

[zehraxkaplan]

Starring: @cxrtezisms​

Locale: Somewhere near the dessert table

“––Carmen, hi. It’s... good to see you.” Not that Zehra felt reluctant to engage the very woman who held her freedom within perfectly manicured palms, on some level she would always remain grateful, but their working relationship came with caveats. A whole boatload of complication mixed in with a dash of resentment. Just another reminder of truths she kept from Zane, from Maddy, and the disastrous impact it continued to wreak upon her already tumultuous life. Perhaps it had been a mistake to graciously encourage either one to show up tonight, what with Vipers nearly crawling out of the woodwork and the Scordato President in attendance alongside his wife. The circumstances of a private wedding were far more questionable than a mere public beach event. “Are you enjoying yourself? Despite the obvious.”

[zehraxkaplan]

zanemarshcxll​:

@zehraxkaplan​

No matter how many times he caught himself lingering a little too long on Zehra, it still hadn’t quite settled that he was here with her. It almost seemed as though anything that had happened within the last two months felt fleetingly unreal, yet, that didn’t stop him from trying to make the most of it. With the end of the ceremony and the reception in full swing, he felt something close to the same nerves that had followed him around for six years in her presence. “How’re you doing?” He asked her as he moved a little closer, uncertain of how she felt after what had happened, his unyielding concern for those around him extending purely to her tonight. “Do you need another drink?” Hands lifted, settling gently against her waist as he turned her towards him slightly, “Maybe another reminder that you look absolutely stunning tonight?” 

+

To claim that she was still breathing, let alone attending a wedding, after recent events extended far beyond miraculous and became a testament to who Zehra was at the end of the day. Practically indebted to her own compulsion for showing up when others requested it, as foolhardy as it was admirable to anyone except the raven haired woman. Yet here she stood in some overpriced dress beside the person to whom she owed it all, attempting and failing to pretend as if that didn’t mean the world to her. How’re you doing? A loaded question if there ever were one and while she couldn’t provide adequate reassurance, Zehra knew how to deflect just enough to evade suspicion. “Another drink sounds nice,” she agreed despite how fingers curved around his wrists, effectively keeping the paramedic anchored to this moment. “Though if you're impressed by this, you should see my date.” Lower lip caught between pallid teeth, she battled against any nerves which implied their foray into this remained on a knife’s edge. Her own doing unfortunately. “Walk with me?”

[zehraxkaplan]

THE MARCHAND NUPTIALS EVENT

Attending with @zanemarshcxll.

[zehraxkaplan]

Marchand-Montgomery Wedding Invite & RSVP

Will be attending with @zanemarshcxll

[zehraxkaplan]

zanemarshcxll​:

Some part of her admission turned thoughts over in his head and obliterated them against one another. Her privacy was her own, and something that he would always endeavor to allow her to hold onto, but that she’d held every intention in telling him what may very well be the darkest blemish on her otherwise alluring existence made him want to obliterate any sentiment of distance between them. “Then eventually, we can talk about it.” He nodded slowly, another stoic reminder that he wasn’t going to pry any further. The smile that seemed to draw itself out slowly on her features, to this day, still remained something remarkable to him. Even in it’s smallest form, it seemed to shake him to the core. “There are worse people I could sound like, in my opinion at least.” Despite their differences, it seemed that they’d found themselves at a crossroads; mirroring parallels of a time six years ago that rattled his cage in ways he was certain the night prior had done to her. Narrowing his gaze, Zane thought it seemed obvious why he was helping her - beyond the obligatory sense of his profession at least. “You have no idea, do you?” It didn’t really make sense, even as he spoke the question - rhetorical in a sense that Zehra could never really understand the ways in which he thought about her up until this moment. “I want to help you, Zehra.” That was it, in it’s simplicity. Wanting to be near her, in any capacity, brought him here. “Too good to be real?” His breath hitched with a laugh as he studied her, realizing that she perhaps had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, “Now you’re starting to sound like me six years ago.” 

Then eventually, we can talk about it.

And talk about it they would. On another day when her body didn’t hold echoes of exhaustion from such a harrowing ordeal and thoughts flowed with a moderate amount of clarity. When the right moment presented itself, Zehra intended to divulge the shadowed edges of her pristine image. Everything that couldn’t be eliminated with disinfectant, tarred and blackened by her own missteps. The world she became wrapped up in as a result of those choices was undeniably far more dangerous than either one of them could afford. It would be then that he’d vanish into the wind no doubt; addiction recovery paled in comparison to mafia ties and he couldn’t risk himself or his loved ones. Not for her or anybody else. Until that moment, she would continue to admire his gaze in the early morning light, the shades of cyan dawn that painted over features she memorized what felt like a lifetime ago. Weariness trudged through her veins like molasses, but the knowledge of his care despite everything witnessed in the last few hours prompted Zehra to eliminate their distance in full. A kiss bolder than she felt and more affectionate than she could rightfully put into words. “Sorry for that too,” she whispered in the pin drop silence, drawing back only enough to meet his gaze. “I just didn’t want to wait another six years for history to repeat itself again. And thank you.”

[zehraxkaplan]

maximilian-vonbrandt​:

Sooner or later the two would warm up to each other. Slowly he could feel it happening on both ends. Some drinks would definitely aid them in that feat faster. “Spiced rum straight? Sounds like a good drink on a cold night by the fire. Well in Germany, anyway,” he mused. Oceanside rarely saw a cold day or at least nothing below the 40′s, unlike his native home in Berlin, Germany. “I’m pretty simple. A beer suffices, but I do enjoy bourbon. I’ve gone to too many Oktober fests in my youth. If you are tall enough to see over the bar, you can drink whatever you like,” he supplied with a smile. He was sure laws were stricter now but back in his youth adults often looked the other way as long as you had the money to buy.

A smile moved to his lips at her taunt. “I tend to like beautiful women. Is that a crime? Though I imagine wounded individuals don’t mind you stitching them up. Are you gentle?” He raised his eyebrows slightly, curious as to what her answer would be. Hell, he’d take a bullet to have her fawn all over him. He had taken too many over the years, but luckily only one embedded as the rest grazes. “Something strange? I’m not sure that is suitable for a first date conversation,” he teased, reaching for his newly arrived drink. He took a sip and tried to think of something ‘strange’ about himself that wasn’t well known. “Ah, ok, I’ve got it. So I enjoy swimming a lot. It’s always been something to help me unwind and drown out my thoughts. And ironically enough, I can hold my breath for almost 3 minutes. I almost blacked out once trying to beat my record. Now your turn. Tell me something strange about yourself.”

+

“A beach bonfire maybe. You’ve never allowed liquor to take you away before?” Whether it be a tropical escape or something a bit more nostalgic, the notes of a drink were capable of spurning all sorts of blissful imagery. It was at least half of what made them such a dangerous vice. “That also works if your carry yourself well enough. College bars tend to be good for that here.” Also some variation of laziness on the bouncer’s part she supposed. “When did you make the jump across the pond to America?” 

Light banter. That bode well and she appreciated his candor. “No, we actually have that in common. And I’m... effective. Gentle isn’t always a viable option.” His playful admonishment finally prompted a genuine smile, drawing her at least half an inch past the trepidation felt at the beginning of their date. “I don’t go on many first dates so we can chalk it up to being rusty at this.” The waitress brought an appetizer and Zehra bit into a chip while listening to his answer, nodding with impress. “Three minutes? You’re a medical marvel. I think that’s the record for Navy Seals, too. Did you ever serve here or in Germany?” Though of course her prompt rebounded back and she shifted gently out of the spotlight. “I have a fun fact and a less cool fact. The less cool one is that I have the capital of every country memorized and can name them.”

[zehraxkaplan]

zanemarshcxll​:

I know. It bounced around in his head as a subtle reminder that she didn’t need him to concern himself over her like they would another patient. He undoubtedly trusted in her ability to do her own job, even as it may have pertained to her own state. However, some part of him understood just as well that - I know - didn’t hold one singular meaning in such an instance. Details begotten, Zane didn’t see reason to pry any further into the things that Zehra hadn’t already spoken to him about, and while he’d noticed a while ago that there was a large chunk of her life that she kept at bay, he couldn’t help but share such caution of his own - had she not already known of his skeletons, perhaps he might have been just as guarded. His touch subdued from carer to something beyond the realms of professionalism. There laid something in the fact that she was curled up on his couch at home, and not a hospital bed, that somehow deemed his usual demeanor a little too curt. “It’s okay.” And truly, it was. “Very rarely do we get the chance to spill our secrets the way we want them to,” Something about being brought back onto US soil with media headlines sprouting information about a soldier returned from the dead had taken as much away from him, the dignity he’d managed to keep - he’d offer to her too. “You don’t need to talk to me about anything until you’re ready.” Even if, six years of time passing, felt like a lifetime in and of itself, all that concerned him now was her comfort. “Can I get you anything for now? I have to pop out at some point to get a few things from work to keep you going until you’re okay on your own,” an offer that might have otherwise landed differently had this not been their current circumstance, “You’re welcome to stay as long as you feel comfortable, Zehra.” The curvature of his mouth grew, a gentle smile as he shifted dark tresses to tuck them behind her ear, “Regardless of me finding out this way.” If, by chance, she’d rather he forget about all of this until a later date, he would.

On the surface, Zehra’s inherent reluctance to detail the worst aspects of her own life felt hypocritical when raised up against all that she learned of Zane over the years. Both in the hospital and in the fleeting years which passed since those first few weeks together. He claimed that withholding was okay and perhaps on some level of privacy that remained true, but she felt no less uncomfortable with her own secrecy from him. “I was going to eventually,” the brunette affirmed, as if to reassure herself as much as Zane. Though his coaxing words brought the ghost of a smile to her lips. “Now you sound like me.” How often had she said the very same to the paramedic at his bedside, in the halls, on the pier...? And now they wound up here, positions switched as Zehra attempted to swallow her pride and the burgeoning warmth that came from being cared for without expectation. “Why are you helping me?” Beyond his status as potentially the most angelic and saintly person to exist, Zehra couldn’t fathom why he continued to involve himself in such a catastrophic mess. “You’re too good to be real.”

[zehraxkaplan]

fireinhislungs​:

…

Over the years Fletcher had become something of an expert when it came to observing and reading others, he had to be after all given his choice of career. Because while the end result was one thing, the lead up to it all was much more important and more often than not he had to understand his target before he could make his move and that involved observing and developing an understanding of whatever made them tick. “Careful love, if I didn’t know any better I’d start to think my presence makes you nervous.“ He remarked, expression calculating as he studied her. While the Scorpion family was made up of a diverse range of individuals, some of which didn’t have the stomach for what he did. And it had occurred to him that the good doctor was one of those people however, there was something else there, something about the woman that made him almost want to question her loyalty. “Does it make it more real if you say it twice?” He taunted, the ghost of amusement dancing across his features as he spoke. “She does, but I’m not actually on my way to do anything of importance. And from what I gather, neither are you.”

In her idle free time, Zehra had always mulled over the lives of those who dipped their toes into the worst of the criminal world. Who were they when far removed from the heat of it all? Who did they come home to every night? Which face did they present to the people in their lives? How many were left in the dark about their own proximity to monsters... It seemed the only reasonable word for a person of his likeness anyway. Those who destroyed without thought or consequence to the wreckage left behind; irredeemable in every sense of the word. “Shouldn’t it?” While bold on the surface, Zehra’s question held the weight of honesty as well. She had a solid reason to be afraid of him. Everyone did. “We both know what you’re capable of.” Of all her haunting nightmares, the ones which lingered after their little business venture together were some of the most poignant. What would his nearest and dearest think to witness Fletcher Williams as she had? Brutal, callous, painted in another’s crimson agony spurned by the hitman’s own hand. “Look, I’m not trying to play whatever game–– I just want to go home.”

[zehraxkaplan]

zanemarshcxll​:

The snap decision had been a relatively easy one when he’d seen Zehra’s name illuminate across the screen of his phone; the snap however came in the voice that certainly wasn’t the one he’d been hoping to hear. Whiplash meshed horribly with the sinking feeling in his stomach and before he could even offer to call an ambulance he was already out his front door and unlocking his truck, assuring the woman on the phone - Maddy? - that he’d be there soon. Unlike what he might have usually found at the other end of a call, Zane’s usually calm demeanor was etched with a certain breath of panic that he hadn’t felt for a long time. It was perhaps only because of the bleeding panic and concern that flooded the room from Asher and Maddy that he was able to work as quickly as he could to keep her stable as the overdose wrecked havoc within her. 

He’d offered little room for anyone to object as he placed her into the backseat of his truck and gave her a place far removed to come to. His discomfort in letting her out of his sight something that he didn’t pay too much mind to, convincing himself that it was purely because of who he was. The problem only stemmed when he’d settled her on his couch beneath his duvet that he had absolutely no idea what to do with himself until she awoke. His third cup of coffee sat, now stone cold on the hardwood floor beside him as his head lulled back slightly against the arm of his couch when a foreign voice - at least in his home - broke his train of thought. The corner of his mouth drew instantly upwards, the gentle smile as he shifted, limbs a little stiff, to crouch beside her, “Hey, don’t sit up too quickly, okay?” Automatically, his hand shifted dark tresses away from her features, his thumb pressing gently against her cheek to tilt her head towards the light as he checked over her. “You’re gonna’ feel like hell for a bit, so just take it easy for a bit.”

From the moment that she witnessed his expression shift in the dim lighting, Zehra’s insides withered beneath the mutual relief and shame upon knowing it was him that she awoke to in those early morning hours. Because he was just so... good. Not a terrible or malicious bone in his body, that Zane Marshall. A worse man would have bolted in the opposing direction, emboldened by the certainty of avoiding an oncoming train wreck rather than standing beside her on the tracks. At his behest, she lifted herself only slightly off the couch cushion to level their features more evenly, chin tilting somewhat reluctantly as the doctor became a patient. Truthfully Zehra hadn’t the slightest about what to do with that role reversal on his part, too accustomed to playing caretaker since the dawn of time as she knew it.

“I know.” That sounded far worse than intended, but at least it contained a sliver of the truth owed to him. Granted discussing one’s former life of illness and compulsion hardly seemed first date material, which also paled in comparison to the current straits of her life which landed them here to begin with. Her reasons for always pivoting the conversation back onto Zane became strikingly clear tonight and Zehra couldn’t sidestep those inquiries in a reasonable manner now that he’d ventured well out of his way to keep her alive. Yet after six years of avoiding the spotlight, it suddenly felt blinding. “Um,” she cleared her throat with a concerted effort to focus on the elephant in the room and not her own selfishly anxious nerves. “This isn’t... This isn’t how I wanted you to find out.”

[melandmoon]

Melisa Aslı Pamuk via instagram

[zehraxkaplan]

petervolkov​:

.

“Three?” He didn’t sound too sure about that, but Peter’s eyes were more focused on seeing one rather than two of everything. “Definitely three. I’m sure of it.” He meant to take a step forward, but ended up taking one to the side instead. “That’s good.” Despite the ache on his skull, he was still aware enough of everything around them to know that a video of him in any capacity wasn’t a good idea, and not just for his ego. Peter cleared his throat and reached out offer his hand for her to shake. “Thank you.” Except that he lost his balance again and his large body ended up tumbling into her frame. He hooked onto wherever he could on her to keep himself from falling. “I owe you one.” The man exhaled a chuckle that sounded more like a puff of air. 

+

“Three,” she affirmed with a gentle nod. At least he wasn’t down for the count just yet, though his balance remained to be seen as the man quite literally collided with her frame. “Okay, easy. I’ve got you.” Were she not wholly used to patients and ER madness already, it would have been exceptionally jarring to assist a complete stranger in close proximity. Now she simply took it in stride whilst attempting to remain semi-professional. “Don’t worry about it. Really. It kind of comes with the territory of my job.” Attempting to divert the spotlight back onto her would-be patient, the doctor queried him again. “What’s your name?”