Condemned? Forgiven? Loved.
Lets see. It's been a whole week since I picked up my book bag of peace. After my last post I was on fire. I went to my local Christian bookstore and bought myself a new devotional. The amazing thing that happened was my prayers were answered when I picked up the devotional I later bought. I'm not sure if I have mentioned in my blog my deepest struggle. This is my sexuality. I have mentioned that I am gay an engaged to a wonderful, kind, compassionate, beautiful, female. I am very happy with my relationship, and other people as well can see that I am happier than I ever have been. It is not my relationship itself that I struggle with, it is the {sin} that I struggle with. The bible makes it very clear that homosexuality is a sin. And I find that I often get on the train of this Awesome relationship with God and then get off when my sins look me in the face. Although the bible clearly says that we will be forgiven for our sins when we go to heaven, I can not move past the fact that I choose to live in sin. When I picked up this devotional I flipped to the devotional for the day and read to see if I liked it. Now keep in mind this isn't a devotional about a sinner, or about forgiveness, it is about drawing closer to a relationship with God, however the devotional for that day talked about Psalm 103:12 "He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west" I was so excited and so moved that I buried myself in the bible for the rest of the day. You would think that I would read about forgiveness because that is what the devotional was about. No I read about how if your right eye sins rip it out bc it's better to be blind in one eye than go to hell as a sinner. Sheesh. It's safe to say I felt doomed. I still kind of feel doomed. But this morning I had a nice long talk with God. I came to the decision I would read my devotional for the first time since last week, and maybe stay away from the bible for a little. Then he spoke to me again, "don't stay away from the bible, but instead of reading about being condemned and doomed, read about being forgiven and read about my love for you. " Well sheesh. God is pretty awesome :) Cheers to getting back on the Jesus train.















