you all may have noticed I unfollowed you, but what I've done is I've actually unfollowed literally everyone I followed. This is nothing personal against anyone. It's something I've been considering doing for a long time now.
Basically, the last year it's really been hitting me how absolutely devastating tumblr has been for my mental health for over the decade I've been on it (I think it's been 12 yrs?). I'm not saying it gave me any particular mental illnesses, but I do fully believe it made a lot of them (chiefly my OCD and anxiety, especially my moral scrupulosity OCD) a million times worse.
I don't know if I really talk about this a lot, but I'm extremely fragile as a person. It doesn't take a lot to ruin my day. I also obsessively ruminate (OCD) over things, so I have to be very careful about what I expose myself to. It's not fair to ask people to change their posting habits for me, and you'd probably be surprised at some of the things that can set me off.
Moreover, it's not just the people I follow; seeing reblogs and such and the temptation to check a blog only to be met with the most godawful, rage inducing take I've ever seen, or seeing something genuinely horribly upsetting, is very common for me. It's enough to ruin my whole day, and I'll often ruminate on the incident for days, weeks, months, or even years. Read more cuz this got loooong.
I consider Tumblr a double-edged sword in my life. There's people I met here who I have been friends with for over a decade and I cherish very much, and wouldn't trade them for anything. At the same time, being exposed to the absolutely fucking insane takes, moralizing, and extreme bullshit for, again, over 10 years has kinda left me a fucking wreck. I feel like there's constantly a little tumblr user in my head going, 'oh that's promblematic' 'oh what do you think THIS says about THAT hm?' 'it's US or THEM' 'oh you're trying to do NUANCE rn? kill yourself' 'you are a bad person for (innocuous fucking thing)'. It fucking sucks! I don't think they would be there if I hadn't been on this site, or at least it would be a different flavor. Even just the 'vibes' of being the snarkiest, sassiest, meanest motherfucker on the site sucks ass. People on here are too casual about horrible things, too, I think, which sucks when said horrible thing is a trigger.
I can't fully enjoy myself or things anymore. Tumblr has made it so I can only ever see the worst in everything, including humanity itself quite frankly. All social media sucks obviously but I was never on them as much as I have been on tumblr. Again, I don't think tumblr invented these illnesses in me, but they definitely helped fuel them.
so I guess all that to say is I'm like, soft-leaving tumblr? I'm still following some aesthetic/niche interest blogs that I've vetted to only post THAT content so there's no surprises (tho I might unfollow those too), but otherwise yeah I don't think I'm using this blog for socialization anymore. I might not even post on here anymore, really. If we're friends, you have my discord! If you don't have my discord and want it, let me know and we can trade contact info!
I'll also still post on my art blog. Of course all of this is subject to change. Depending on how things shake out, I might permanently and fully leave tumblr, or I might use it like I used to (ie refollowing all my friends and such). As of right now however I think this is the best course of action for me. To be frank, it's not like I've been using this social media site for much socializing lately anyways.
To note, I am currently in therapy and trying to get on meds.
anyways that's my whole guts I guess. not sure how else to end this.
You don't like my domestic au? But I lobotomized the characters just for you :( isn't it so nice now that everyone's happy? They all talk and forgive each other 😊 they're getting married, you know. They're pregnant, you know. Time skip soon! Two beautiful kids. After they have them they will put aside all their passions. Maybe they will never go back to the coffee shop 🤭or university 😜. Maybe they will stay at home with their children. I made this world just for you. Isn't it domestic? Isn't it perfect? Look at how everyone smiles! I am smiling :) are you?
HMMMM lately I have been wondering if tumblr has been doing me any good mentally speaking... I mean I know it hasn't LOL so I'm kinda thinking of like not deleting this blog cuz I still wanna use my sideblogs for posting art and such but I miiiiight like stop using this blog? like no more posting no more following and unfollowing everyone i currently follow just to really like, stop using tumblr outside of posting art and such.
i think the funniest type of person you can find online is people, when presented with something horny, will argue until they are blue in the face that it's NOT HORNY and that YOU'RE the freak for thinking it's horny
