When I'm really excited for class but know the hardest instructor will be there
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@zenrayn
When I'm really excited for class but know the hardest instructor will be there
I’m like
Today I have a topic I have to write about because I just really need to get it off my chest. It’s something I’ve been avoiding dealing with and admitting to. The last 2 days have been rough for me. I recently found out the issues I have are because...[pause, deep breath, you can do it...] I have Aspergers. I’ve always felt rather “of of sync” with the world around me and don’t understand a lot things people say and do. I struggle to “fit in” and say the right things. I struggle with organizing my thoughts well enough for others to understand. I can’t process things when there’s noise; yet need music or netflix to quiet my mind when I sleep... Being around people is taxing, especially when you just don’t “fit in” no matter how hard you try. Sunday I had a lesson with my Kuhapdo teacher. I love attending his classes and really enjoy learning from him. He’s a great teacher. Sometimes he pushes me to my limits and out of my comfort zones, but this is expected and usually I can deal with it. I’ve been overly anxious due to thinking about my upcoming black belt test in sword (Kuhapdo). In this mode, I am a perfectionist. I *MUST* perform all techniques perfectly. There is no room for error. I get this way before any test. I cannot have failure, in any amount. I know that it’s extreme, and I really do TRY to relax and forgive myself for any mistakes. I just couldn’t let go on Sunday. My teacher said he would be hard on me because he knows I want to teach sword and be able to run a class. He wants me to just be the best teacher I can be. However, I was just making all sorts of mistakes and it was snowballing into a nightmare I couldn’t control. I nearly had a meltdown on the mat. If a friend/training partner wasn’t there, I probably would have. My teacher had him come forward and do a drill sequence and I had a few minutes to breathe and calm myself before I lost control. Mistake after mistake was happening and I was getting so frustrated with myself because it was novice errors. Things I should have known and been able to do without thinking. And I know I let my frustrations show, and he tells me not to. He says to let it go and keep moving. I CAN’T LET IT GO. It took me years to work it out and let mistakes happen in TKD. And I STILL yell at myself sometimes. Days like Sunday, where my anxiety was already high, I can’t relax. I try SO HARD to keep my cool and just accept that I was having an “off day”. Yesterday I was working sword techniques on my own and doing “ok”. Not as well as I had hoped. I worked for nearly an hour and a half. Running through short forms and basic drills. Trying to incorporate the things my teacher had me working on. I’m still frustrated. My boyfriend knows I’m upset but all the advice he’s given me is to “keep practicing and relax”. Paraphrased. He’s trying to be supportive but he doesn’t know much about sword so he can’t really help me. I feel kind of alone. My teacher is an hour away, so I only get to see him once a month if I’m lucky. Last night and today, I’m still feeling anxious and frustrated with myself. I have high expectations of myself, especially since I want to be able to teach others. I do already, teach. I have my own TKD class and I’m an assistant instructor when I attend classes throughout the week. I have no problems most of the time with that. It’s different this time though. I would be the head instructor for something different in my dojang. I have no one to take queues from. No one to guide me while I learn how to teach material. I would be on my own.
This terrifies me. And I don’t know how to communicate how much I want to both bail out of this altogether, yet step up to this challenge. I don’t know how to tell people my worries. I don’t know how I will even teach people the things I know. I feel like this super obsessed person wanting to share all the things in my head, but when I say things I sound crazy... Like my excitement and enthusiasm just pushes people away. I know I’ve rambled and went off topic thru this post. I just needed to vent and release all these thoughts. My mind races all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. It literally doesn’t slow down. Image after image come into my head. I didn’t even realize that other people don’t really think in images. Even words, when I read words I see them spelled out in my mind in different patterns and colors. Each word has its own unique color and shape. Like an emotion or memory attached to it. I don’t know how to describe it. Some words are like labels on a folder and in the folder is everything attached to the word. People are the same way. I see a person and they have a folder in my head. Inside is lists. Likes. Dislikes, hobbies, interests, family... But each folder is color coded according to association with them. Red is a warning: This person isn’t ok. Not safe. Don’t trust. Green is safe. This person I can relax with. They would be close friends/family. Blue is a neutral association. Friends and students mainly. That’s just the surface though. When people step outside their “zone” I get lost. Like when little kids see their teacher outside of school... I no longer have something to associate with them. That “folder” is empty. I know this all seems crazy and even possibly childish. Familiarity and routine is EVERYTHING in my life. If that is disturbed, I have a difficult time adjusting. Anyways, I needed to write this. Thanks.
Quick animation I did straight ahead last night
I miss boxing
My phone was broken and I was locked out of my Tumblr...thus my absence. Bah! However, I am here now. I’ve been keeping busy teaching & training. I earned my 2nd Dan in TKD. My Kuhapdo teacher wants me to test in a few months for my 1st Dan..... @_@ I’m pretty nervous. I wasn’t expecting that. Since I only see him for private lessons, I feel like I’m not doing enough. Of course I continue training on my own, but I feel like I’m not learning enough. I feel like I make too many mistakes. I forget basic things. I just don’t feel ready. At all.
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do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl or sounds of people talking
I think it’s called sensory overload. It’s really common in people with anxiety
it can also be a result of sleep deprivation, stress, or ever dehydration !!
thanks i thought i was just a bitch
Sensory overload can happen for so many reasons. People should be aware. The way society is now, so much is shoved in your face and your mind can only process so much at once. As stated previously, the added bonuses of stress, not enough sleep, hunger/dehydration, ect can quicken the overload. Then if you have any other health issues, such as anxiety, ASD (especially), PTSD, Fibromyalgia, ect - things can get overwhelming at any second. Sometimes it can be felt coming on, other times its like the floor gave way under you. However, you don’t have to have a medical issue to experience sensory overload. It happens to everyone, at least once in their life.
TRAINING MYTHS
Among the more popularly held myths and misconceptions concerning training are the following:
MYTH: With the proper choice of exercises, I will be able to control the shape of each one of my muscles. FACT: Your genes will determine your individual muscle’s shape. Your job is to get them big or strong. You can, however, shape your body. You can also shape a body part comprised of several muscles. It is not possible to establish the relative portion of a person’s health or fitness that is determined through heredity, therefore your genetic background neither dooms nor guarantees success in achieving total fitness. MYTH: The Nautilus Principle of “one set to failure” is more effective than other methods for bodybuilders. FACT: Though it is not effective for serious bodybuilders, it can be an effective method for the casual fitness enthusiast. For gains in muscular size, smaller motor units need to be recruited first in each set of an exercise. As the set progresses in intensity, larger units will then be recruited. If the low-threshold motor units are inhibited to recruit the high-threshold motor units for explosive movements (as in powerlifting), the low-threshold units that are not activated will not undergo hormonal adaptations. This is because of the size principle of muscle-fiber recruitment. Since motor units are recruited in an orderly fashion (from low threshold to high) and can span a range of muscle fiber types (Type I and Type II), then a moderate range of repetitions must be used to recruit the entire spectrum of fibers. This recruitment pattern allows the full spectrum of fibers to adapt to training by increasing sensitivity to circulating anabolic hormones. MYTH: If I stay consistent with my program I will eventually have success. FACT: Many trainees faithfully stick to a program that is not producing results, hoping to suddenly notice results. As obvious as it may seem, if you continue to do the same thing, you will continue to get the same results. If you are not consistently seeing results on a monthly basis, you need to reassess your training protocol. MYTH: Leg lifts train my “lower” rectus abdominis, while crunches train my “upper” rectus abdominis FACT: The rectus abdominis muscle controls the tilt of the pelvis and the consequent curvature of the lower spine. By rotating the pelvis posteriorly, the rectus abdominis muscle flattens the lower back, making the erector spinae muscle more effective as an extensor of the spine and the hip flexors more effective in raising the legs. MYTH: Heavy weights (low repetitions) make you bigger, and lighter weights (high repetitions) get you defined. FACT: The average beginning trainee knows that high repetitions (15 repetitions or more) are best for muscular endurance, but are not conducive to gaining muscular mass. The lighter loads used in high-repetition work are not enough to innervate higher threshold motor units in a muscle. The key is that only muscle fibers activated by the resistance training will respond to increased levels of anabolic hormones. When heavier weights (lower reps) are used in resistance training, more muscle fibers are recruited. The more muscle fibers recruited for an exercise, the greater the extent of remodeling in the entire muscle. There is another reason that light weight and high repetitions are not optimal for stimulating muscular hypertrophy. The majority of the work done in high-repetition sets is accomplished by slow-twitch Type I muscle fibers. Type I muscle fibers have a limited ability to hypertrophy. Type IIB fibers are activated when more force is required, and thus have the greatest potential for growth. Heavier weights accomplish more complete activation of the type IIB muscle fibers. According to the size principle, motor units are recruited in order according to their recruitment thresholds and firing rates. Since most muscles contain a range of Type I and Type II fibers, force production can be very low or very high. Therefore, to get to a high-threshold motor unit, all of the motor units below it must be sequentially recruited. Heavy resistance training recruits these high-threshold motor units, therefore all the units below it can undergo hormonal adaptations to the stress of the heavy loads. An increase in serum testosterone levels is one result of heavy resistance training. Since testosterone is the primary hormone that interacts with skeletal muscle tissue, it has both direct and indirect effects on muscle tissue. Resistance training utilizing large muscle groups of the lower body (squats, deadlifts) can increase serum testosterone concentrations more than other types of exercises. Using a resistance of 85% to 95% of one-rep maximum will also increase testosterone levels more than other resistance loads. Many aspiring novices will attempt to lift near 1 RM loads for one or two repetitions in the hopes of gaining muscle size. Although heavy resistance does innervate high-threshold motor units, serum testosterone levels are increased through moderate to high volume of exercises. This is achieved through multiple sets, exercises, and a moderate repetition range (around 10 repetitions), with short rest intervals (between 30 seconds to 1 minute). After a muscle has been subjected to intense stress through maximal force contractions over a moderate repetition range, hormones begin the growth process and muscle remodeling. Growth hormone plays a vital role in adapting to the stress of resistance training. Growth hormone levels can be increased with resistance training through high intensity (10 repetitions coupled with heavy resistance), three sets of each exercise (high total workload) and short, one-minute rest periods. Once the levels are elevated, a cascade of events occur: decreased glucose utilization, increased amino acid transport across cell membranes, increased protein synthesis, increased utilization of fatty acids, increased lipolysis (fat breakdown), enhanced immune functions, and compensatory renal hypertrophy promotion. An understanding of natural anabolic activity (which occurs in your clients’ bodies) is essential to muscular adaptation, successful recovery, training progression, and muscular gains. High-repetition resistance training (15 repetitions or more) does not innervate high threshold motor units and therefore limits the potential for Type IIB muscle fiber hypertrophy. Powerlifting, which does not allow for sufficient time to activate all motor units in an orderly fashion, diminishes the hormonal adaptations of the entire span of muscle fibers in any given motor unit. Resistance training that is high in intensity, utilizing 8 to 10 repetitions, heavy resistance and a maximum of one minute rest between sets will maximize serum testosterone and growth hormone levels, thus allowing for successful recovery, adaptation, and muscular growth. MYTH: I cannot make it to the top because I have a full-time job, a family and other obligations that keep me from training. FACT: Many individuals fear taking the first step towards success. But as the saying goes, “You can’t steal second base if you don’t take your foot off of first.” Many may think that in order to become a successful ISSA trainer, they need a formal education. Others may think that a successful trainer is genetically gifted, or that bodybuilders or fitness competitors make successful trainers. Still others rationalize success as a matter of luck. The truth is, the underlying characteristic of all successful ISSA trainers is PERSISTENCE. As Calvin Coolidge once said, “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” As for luck, what others perceive as luck is actually persistent preparation to provide the best service possible, coupled with timely opportunities. If you can nurture the determination and persistence within you, you will have the key elements that will guide you to success.
Thank you, this is fantastic!
This is a message that I addressed to family and friends on Facebook who are going to vote for Trump. (Because I have a few.) And I know this is going to totally open me up to death threats, insults, and all sorts of anonymous abuse from hardcore Trump supporters too, but I have to make the effort. Wouldn’t be the first time, anyway.
And I know this is a long shot (mostly because those people have unfollowed me for being a liberal and a feminist,) but this is a last ditch effort.
Anyway, I’m asking you to reconsider, and if you’re here already, then just hear me out.
A vote for Trump is a vote for every guy who stuck his hand under my skirt when I was a kid (and your daughter’s skirt, and your wife’s, and your sister’s, and your Mom’s.) It happened a lot, by the way. A vote for Trump is a vote for “grab them by the pussy.” It’s a vote for Brock Turner and every other rapist. A vote for Trump is a vote for rape. He bragged about it, then 12 women came forward and said “Yes that’s exactly what he did to me.”
You may have blocked this out, but Trump is going on trail for raping a 13 year old girl. I want a real answer right now: Why is that less concerning to you than someone using the wrong email server?
This is a watershed moment for this country: everything hinges on what happens Tuesday, and this race is inexplicably tight. I don’t get it, because Trump is an outspoken racist and white supremacist. A vote for Trump is a vote for the KKK. They endorse him, and no amount of his “I disavow” means a damn thing. He says that because he has to say it. Most of Trump’s followers are alt-right, which is a group of white supremacists.
Kids in school today wonder how a person like Hitler every came into power. This election is the answer. Trump voters, some of you have kids and some have grandkids, or will someday. And everything is on the internet now. I can tell you, from having talked to grandchildren of people in the Nazi party: They will be ashamed of you. Your grandchildren or great grandchildren will be the kids in the classroom hanging their heads when people ask, “How did a person like Trump even come into power?“
I’m not addressing those among you who are gleefully and openly racist, those of you out there giggling and saying, “Ha, that doesn’t make him a bad guy!” I’m addressing those of you who just aren’t thinking too much about it, who are saying, “He’s just not PC, that’s all!” Because that’s the farthest from the truth and if you really look at all of the things he’s said and done, you’ll see that. A vote for Trump is a vote for white supremacy.
A vote for Trump is a slap in the face to LGBT people in your sphere, and yes, they probably exist in your sphere, even if you don’t know.
A vote for Trump is a vote for every Adam Lanza, every Dylan Roof, every Timothy McVeigh, every angry white male mass shooter who goes on a killing spree because society tacitly accepted their racism, hatred and rage, and then handed them weapons of mass murder. Trump has literally said he wants guns in schools.
All I want to do is send my son to school next year without having to worry about that. It’s not fair. Perhaps you’re thinking it won’t happen to your kids or the kids of anyone you know. That’s what they all thought.
When you vote for Trump, you’re telling the young girls in your life the kind of behavior YOU think they should accept from men. Grab them by the pussy? She’s too fat to rape? LOL boys will be boys, thats just locker room talk, right? What kind of message does that send to girls? That’s what your Trump vote is telling them: Suck it up, bitch, that’s what you should expect from men, and if you don’t want to get harassed or assaulted, maybe you should get a different job (which is what Trump’s son literally said.)
You don’t have to like Hillary. You’re not going to have her over for dinner parties or whatever. You don’t have to think it’s all right that she used the wrong email server or said some shitty or careless things in email (like you haven’t?) We all have, and, yeah, we’re not all running for president, and a president should be careful - and after this, I’m sure she will be.
Trump had no idea why he shouldn’t use nuclear weapons. Trump has no clue how a bill becomes a law. He doesn’t even know how to run a business without losing $1 BILLION dollars. He doesn’t pay taxes and he thinks that’s “smart” and that YOU are stupid for paying your taxes.
But mostly, yeah, Trump is going on trial for allegedly raping a 13 year old girl (that will be after his trial for fraud this month._ And then he will probably face trial for the 12 more women he assaulted - unless he silences them, like he did to the girl who was 13. Didn’t you know? She was going to state her identity yesterday and tell her story, but she got death threats.
Think about what your Trump vote is telling the women in your life. Think about what your Trump support will look like to your grandchildren and nieces and nephews.
That’s all I’m asking, and i know this is a long shot, but really: just think about those things before Tuesday.
Thanks for hearing me out.
Female Warrior
Alain Moussi‘s exteme balance drill
wow! thats intense! I had to do something like this during my physical therapy, but not quite to this caliber. Holy mackerel! ....I need to do this...
I passed!
2nd Dan acquired! I’m still sore 2 days later, but I’m happy. I can now focus on getting the material down to test for 1st dan in Kuhapdo (probably) this spring. My teach told me he wanted to test me before the summer. Sooooo I have work to do. I’m excited though, the possibility of having earned a black belt in a 2nd martial art :) I got to see my dad also. He stayed with my BF and I for a few days. I took him to the airport this morning. It was a good visit :)
Test in T-minus 3 days...
Anxiety... YUP Nerves a mess? YUP Sleep? HA! You’re funny... Mentally going over every technique from the dawn of time? DOUBLE YEP Whats your diet like? Seriously ANYTHING not junk food. Keeping the clean eating going. Running around like a crazy person trying to make sure things are set for when my Dad arrives in 2 days. Going over plans and time schedules. I need to relax and focus but I feel it’s an impossibility right now. Tonight is my last class before the test.
Deep Breaths.
I love this quote, so much. I’m always reminded of the young eager student who comes in like a hurricane and has this monstrous ego. They KNOW they’re awesome, look how fast they can move. They KNOW all the techniques because they watched the movies. They KNOW more than you, their teacher. Until the day comes when they try their skills they’ve never practiced. Until the day comes when you ask them to do a technique and they have no idea. Until they learn and understand how much time and practice you’ve put in to become their teacher. They then KNOW that they have a long way to go before they truly KNOW anything. And in that day, they truly become your student, eager with an empty cup waiting to be filled.
2nd Dan in T-Minus 10 days...
I haven’t written much, mostly because I have practically ZERO time at a computer these days. Between training at my regular dojang, assisting teaching 5 after-school TKD programs, and trying to squeeze in time to prep for testing... I AM EXAUSTED! I’m really nervous about my test. Just me and my BF testing together. He’s going for his Master’s (4th Dan in our system) and I’m going for 2nd Dan. I’m not worried about my techniques, I’m feeling pretty confident. However, since my knee surgery nearly 2 years ago now, I still struggle with some things, and I’m worried that the strain of testing may be too much. I can be EXTREMELY stubborn, and I don’t like to show weakness. I’m worried that once on the mat, I may push myself too far. Now, my dad will be there, and I don’t get to see him often. As in, I haven’t seen him since my 1st dan test 2.5 years ago. It’s difficult for him to travel. My mom will be there. Students will be there. I want to give this my all. I don’t want to disappoint any of them. I’ve come so far after my surgery. It was an incredibly rough rehabilitation for so many reasons. I’m pretty sure I was turned into a lightning rod for bad luck during the whole process. A few months back I went with my mom for her first tattoo, in which I also got one with her. This was my 2nd. We each got a lotus, different style for our different personalities and meanings. We both appreciated the symbolism of the lotus. How it’s a symbol of perseverance through the “mud” and “darkness” before reaching the light to blossom. My mom & I each had our struggles, it seemed appropriate. This has been one of my greatest struggles. It’s taught me humility. It’s tested my resolve. It’s pushed the boundaries of my spirit. It’s given me pause. It’s made me face fears. It’s tested how much pain I could really take at once. I guess I’m just going to have to continue practicing and have faith in my body. I’ve been working for this. Pouring every ounce of strength I have into getting well enough for this. I know this is going to hurt. It’s going hurt more than the last one. But I will hold my head high, proudly walk into the dojang, and give it everything I have.
I’m back!
I’ve been gone for some time, basically since my ACL tear. It’s been a hard recovery for many reasons. Several of them out of my hands, as it was just a string of bad luck. HOWEVER! I’ve been back on my feet and kicking again! Huzzah! I’m actually going to be testing for my 2nd Dan in 45 days. Wow...that seems a lot closer now that I’ve actually written it out. My Master knows I still have struggles with some things, particularly a few kicks. Mainly the 360 kicks that have me land on that bad knee. Well I wouldn’t say it’s “bad”, it is healed, it’s just not used to the impact anymore. I’ve been working on it a lot, and get it used to all the motions. I won’t lie, I AM very nervous. I’m scared it won’t hold up to the 2-3 hours it’ll take to complete the testing. I’m not sure about how other dojos & dojangs test, but we go non-stop for however long the testing takes. We do about 200 kicks as a “warm up” followed by our series of blocks that we move up and down the floor for. We do mixed kicks up and down the floor. Self-defense & 1-step techniques. Take downs. Forms (katas) - which I have 13 to do now. Then after all of that, and you feel like you’re dying.... sparring time! The goal of this intensity is for 2 reasons. [note: this is for Black Belt testing, under-rank tests are only 1.5 hours - and not nearly as bad] #1 - “Warrior Spirit”. To show you can persevere thru whatever is thrown at you. If you can make it thru this, you can do anything. #2 - To put you in a state of survival. If you were attacked on the street, it will not be under optimal conditions. You won’t be “ready” or expecting it. If you can perform under the amount of stress & fatigue you’re going thru on test night, you will be able to defend yourself on the street. I hope my knee holds up for it. I know my Master will probably make me rest a few times, but in my stubborn mind, I won’t want to. I want to push thru and persevere. I don’t want it to be “easy”. I want to prove to myself I can do it. I can make it thru. I will keep working hard. I will have to have the confidence that I CAN and WILL make it thru.
Women in Aikido
this is amazing… o_o I need to know…
Know what?
how to do all of this :D I train in sword, but we haven’t done anything like this yet... I realize this is Aikido, but there’s got to be something like this we can do at my class. I will ask tonight. :P