Entry #6 The Hound Who Sold The World.
Due to the lack of pointless complaints.
Office hours are quiet and normal to a degree.
Besides routine with high risk and high reward.
Let's me spend more time getting introspective again. Let the vodka do the talking to trace old wounds.
A good question was asked in the past.
"How did that one take to the conditioning so quickly?"
Allow me to answer with a question.
How do you break something thats already barely held together?
A corporate fuck up not even deemed a Name. A stain on the lab geniuses reputation i was.
Eventually stumbled into merc work
Only nickname i got was "Red?" I dont remember. Closest I had to a name i geuss.
I was already one foot into cold animalistic behavior. "Kill the prey//get the food"
Was that companies slogan.. fitting.
I dont remember most of the people I fought with. The only ones I remember. Where in my pack. They joined too.
Baited by glory. A classic trick.
I didnt need to be captured and tortured
I remember walking up to a tired looking Handler one day
She asked "why are you still here?"
I want a purpose. No matter how fucked it was. I wanted to feel needed.
She smirked....I remember that cold smirk.
I remember her walking me to an office
Gave me the rundown making sure if I had any idea what I just signed up for.
I just nodded and signed my soul away.
After a short pause she stood up and left the room. I sat a minor spark of "what did I just do?" Later faded to "who cares. "
Ive only heard of Hounds through fables shared on the field. The mystique didnt get me. It was. They sounded Wanted. Needed. Had a purpose.
The fog was drifting till the door opened and in came Leones... her first words to me
"She's cute. Theyll do just fine i see some fire in her"
.....that weirdly felt right..
Before I could even ponder that further.
I felt the cold prick in my neck.
I have no idea how much time went by
I just remember waking up one day in a dark room. Wouldn't say cell.
.bed that wasnt fancy but beat the tattered cots i slept on usually
First words said to me: good morning 0451
Didn't question it. Didn't fight it.
Years later I sit at this desk piss drunk on cheap vodka I snuck from the Rec area.
Those times where long ago.
A newish body...took some time but I feel a sense of content when I look at the body that slowly shaped. Geuss that was a job perk to huh?
These are just the phantoms of me
And my fucked up journey of finding my own place.
It was an ugly beautiful metamorphosis.
Im not the same biological stain crawling out of that red rock.
I am Me, moreso finding the new me.
But im also a Hound till the day i go.
Sorry if this entry is long and heavy
Just had a lot to dwell on lately...
Think im gonna raid the Comms officers area for old archived media tapes.
Maybe watch a shitty film on or some music.
Beats playing Solitaire for 4hrs or drunkenly crying in an empty storage container in the bay...
..0449,0457,and 0439 if you're looking up at me rn...did we fuck up? Or was it a blessing in disguise?..
I feel like im gonna probably end up falling asleep under my desk again tonight...
