road to happiness @zero-to-bee - Tumblr Blog

Today was a strange day

Maybe I felt this relapse coming

But it's been four years

Why would I?

Should really have called someone before

Should have said

"Hey, I'm not doing all too well"

Instead I cut myself seriously

Deeply

Blood on a disinfected knife

Shimmering

Five minutes later I was laughing with my old friends on Skype

We had a lot to talk about

After 90 minutes of catching up

The blood on the knife had dried

It was hard to get off

#anorexia #selfharm #relapse #cutting #depression #selfhate #depressed #sad #sadness #alone #hurting #pain #self destruction #mental illness #ritzen #unfiltered thoughts #cut

light-as-a-faerie

ugh i feel like absolute shit but here's some of my fav thinspo

fatacidbarbie

My ed when I realise I can’t just go back to not caring about calories and that I’ll struggle with this for life

narcoticoutsider

When I say “I hate my body” I don’t mean “oh I’m a little insecure about my belly” or “I could lose a few pounds” I mean I have physically repulsed by it. It’s horrifying and upsetting to see. I wanna crawl out of my skin.

hazyxhoney

What you eat between Christmas and New Years doesn't determine your weight. What you eat between New Years and Christmas does.

iraprince

HI IT’S ME AGAIN

YOU’RE FUCKING UP YOUR TEETH AND YOUR MUSCLES AND SHIT

an-emotional-machine

2020 rules for losing weight

small portions always

water before meals

water after meals

exercise daily

no eating between 7pm and 5am

fast once a week

don’t give up

honeyfilledbones

“Because in 2 minutes, The junk food will be gone, The taste will be over, And all that will be left, Is the feeling of regret, Just. Like. Last. Time.”

— C'est moi (via angelsrlife)

cigs-n-bones

this is the christmas catto , if u reblog he will absorb all the calories u eat on christmas and will make u hit ur goal weight ! if u dont reblog , the christmas catto will be sad

23-betterdxys

i dont wanna make catto sad so im reblogging

126stillstarving

Dont be sad😓

ampolita

I'm done. I'm so done.

I'm just going to describe my Christmas in a few words.

I binged. Badly. Fuck. I think 2500... but at least i worked out before dinner...

Even though I begged her to stop my aunt wouldn't stop taking videos of me. I'm really sensitive to videos and pictures of myself and she practically filmed the whole evening. Afterwards my mom gave me shit for not singing along as much. I really can't wait to cry about those pictures and videos being posted on Facebook and me looking like the ugly potato I am.

I should keep my opinions on social and political matters to myself (fuck Karen, I study law, there is no fucking law that permits foreigners to steal and rape, fuck you)

I should also keep to myself that I think that Germans eat to much meat in their daily lives (I'm not even vegetarian, I just reduced my meat intake to around 3x a week. And I did really not attack anyone personally or call someone out, I just answered when asked. I'm not like that - especially considering I'm struggling with eating myself - people are free to eat or not eat whatever they want. But apparently eating a whole pig everyday is German culture and very important. And everyone who doesn't like to do that is denying traditions.)

The only thing I didn't want for Christmas were clothes. I only got clothes. Size M when I'm usually a S now. But I don't want to be ungrateful... and I love giving out presents more than receiving them anyway, but I literally did not get one thing that I told my family before that I'd be happy about. Body lotion. Shampoo. Movie tickets. Oh well. It's okay. It seriosuly is. I'm 25, not a child.

And so today I ate my feelings away once again. Because I drank a whole coke zero it kind of resulted in self harm because my belly hurt a lot and I wouldn't stop eating.

I'm just incredibly sad right now.

I can't wait to see my boyfriend tomorrow.

Thank you for listening to my rant.