erm... what the scallop

Aroace | She/Her | Porygon Enthusiast

[pudulogy]

[butchtoks]

[identitty-dickruption]

my safe clothing items that I wear day in day out for years and years should never break or rip or wear down. the power of friendship should stop that kind of thing

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

from like 9 to 12 i would try to fall asleep by ‘making’ a new seinfeld episode in my head. i would open with a jerry seinfeld standup bit that was almost nonsense (its not like i can write standup like he can at 10 years old) and then it would be jerry and george arguing about a girlfriend i made up with some kind of pointless issue (”she wears bigger pants than me, jerry! everyones gonna know, who wears the pants!”) and then kramer would walk in. by that time id be almost out

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

I should also say i was ‘typing’ out the dialogue with my hands as if they were on a keyboard, but my hands were across my chest like a vampire

[frickomode]

they sell items at tjmaxx that even God is not aware of

[innerchildabortionclinic]

this is how all high protein dessert vids look to me

[iwannabeaswampwitch]

Lots of drama in our household

[hotvampireadjacent]

https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw

[littlemisspipebomb]

ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.

[baronfulmen]

"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.

Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.

Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.

We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."

I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.

[dogpuppy]

[nineteenyearoldmeblog]

im fucking crying

[badassdemonsword]

this gif is like... almost biblical. as if hes experiencing a pharaohs curse...

[lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently]

wtf were you gonna say

[redhotarsenic]

Please respect my privacy

[lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently]

my deepest apologies

[redhotarsenic]

I forgive you

[redhotarsenic]

Anyway me when I suck that pharaoh good and hard through his scaramphigousus

[garaks-padded-cell]

when your dog looks back at you on a walk like heh... we are really walking right now man

[smeefy-smoofy]

[garaks-padded-cell]

Youll pay for erasing her role in this story

[mrsterlingeverything]

Im craving... $000,000

[the-frog-blog-deactivated202510]

Check your Venmo :)🤭

[mrsterlingeverything]

STOPPP YOU DIDNT

[angelicguy]

guy left at work today and someone replied to his goodbye email with this

[ink-the-artist]

"i hope death is like being carried to your bedroom when you were a child & fell asleep on the couch during a family party. i hope you can hear the laughter from the next room"

[cali]

name your baby boy gargoyle. do it for me. and if its a girl... hmmm... name her gargoyle

[dogpuppy]

[duel-of-the-dolls]

First look at Monster High’s Oogie Boogie