X

[maskdoll]

fuck i’m trying to catch all these flies but they think my vinegar is stupid. i have honey also but that’s for me i can’t give them any of that

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

management trying to hire and retain employees

[gaytanic-panic]

[o6eiyrskb4hg7rix8hih-deactivate]

just ate an orange… no scurvy for me thank you… #NoScurvy

[bgm05]

Can you say something about fat people that doesn’t involve the phrase “tummy squish” or any variants thereof. Quickly

[valkyrjuk]

I know a couple fat guys and they're good electricians

[bgm05]

[theconcealedweapon]

Heaven needs to fire their marketing team.

Judging by how Christians describe them, heaven seems like it's full of the most judgmental assholes you'll ever meet, and hell seems like one big nonstop party.

[fangs-4-fags]

the mystery bruises you're getting aren't from anemia or something stupid like that. they're from me. i go into your house while you're asleep and softly hit you with hammers until i am satisfied

[frontmansdefender]

[benzohoarder]

[figural]

#google translate does not capture the tone switch so i have to say. first two sentences are like. normal maybe kind of feminine posting tone #& the last is like. shounen manga protagonist. action movie hero. jojo's bizarre adventure character. #the tone you would use if you were holding a gun with the safety off (– @chadlesbianjasontodd)

[minothtime]

Basically, a translation could be:

I just think it's so interesting that people end up falling in love with their friends' boyfriends! I absolutely despise every single one of them. give me my fucking homie back you goddamn bastard

[liminalweirdo]

translation tags by @minothtime because they are so so good

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

[succubusboyfriend]

practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance

[succubusboyfriend]

“oh i don’t deserve rest and relaxation, i haven’t done enough, i haven’t earned it” and my car’s breaks don’t deserve break fluid because they aren’t breaking well enough to earn it. that’s what you sound like!!!!!

[9puppiesdrowninginapool]

Ken was created from Barbie’s rib

[segamascott]

[shamebats]

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

[lostcryptids]

the problem with horror now is there is no men in little tank tops and booty shorts

[deadmentellnotales13]

[mint-stone]

[thoughtfulfuri]

@madegeeky

[importantcatpics]

more @importantcatpics

[thememedaddy]

[catasters]

[i-shall-not-show-mercy]

[johnnysilverhandssuitcasenuke]