I just had a super random but strangely significant revelation that these two songs I knew since forever are actually connected by plot. So I’m just gonna leave it here for anyone else who knows them both to enjoy the parallels (like the mountain, the Monkey being the Animal, dance of the dead and dancing with the Animal, the guy digging graves in one song and holes in the mountain appearing in the other song, I feel the protagonist of Wildfire is of the Strangefolk) XD And if you don’t know these songs, give them a go anyway!
Gorillaz - Fire Coming Out of a Monkey’s Head
Once upon a time at the foot of a great mountain
There was a town where the people known as Happyfolk lived
Their very existence a mystery to the rest of the world
Obscured as it was by great clouds
Here they played out their peaceful lives
Innocent of the litany of excess and violence
That was growing in the world below
To live in harmony with
The spirit of the mountain called Monkey was enough
Then one day Strangefolk arrived in the town
They came in camouflaged
Hidden behind dark glasses and no one noticed them
They only saw shadows
You see without the truth of the eyes
The Happyfolk were blind
Falling out of aeroplanes and hiding out in holes
Waiting for the sunset to come people going home
Jump out from behind them and shoot them in the head
Now everybody dancing
The dance of the dead
The dance of the dead
The dance of the dead
In time Strangefolk found their way
Into the higher reaches of the mountain
And it was there that they found the caves
Of unimaginable sincerity and beauty
By chance they stumbled upon
The place where all good souls come to rest
The Strangefolk they coveted
The jewels in these caves above all things
And soon they began to mine the mountain
It’s rich seam fueling the chaos of their own world
Meanwhile down in the town
The Happyfolk slept restlessly their dreams Invaded by shadowy figures
Digging away at their souls
Every day people would wake and stare at the mountain
Why was it bringing darkness into their lives?
And as the Strangefolk mined deeper and deeper into the mountain
Holes began to appear
Bringing with them a cold and bitter wind
That chilled the very soul of the Monkey
For the first time the Happyfolk felt fearful for
They knew that soon the Monkey would stir from it’s deep sleep
Then there came a sound
Distant first it grew into castrophany
So immense that it could be heard far away in space
There were no screams there was no time
The mountain called Monkey had spoken
There was only fire
And then nothing
Oh a little town in the USA
The time has come to see
There’s nothing you believe you are
But where were you when it all came down on me?
Did you call me? no
Sonata Arctica - Wildfire
“Oh why are we so sad?
Are we feeling hurt by their evil eyes and all those empty words?
We are thirsty for payback?
What would we like to do with the town?
Wouldn’t we like to make it dance (ha ha ha ha) with the Animal?
Would we? Would we?
Tell us, what we would like to do.
Burn it. Burn it all…”
Burn honey, burn, let the fire eat away
I never liked the look of this town
Burn it down now
I’ll run, they all know what I’ve done
I fetch my gear and take my leave from this mountain
I never had a chance to prove I wasn’t guilty,
I always seemed to get blamed for
Every little crime, I didn’t even have a name for…
Still running, still defeated in my mind
I never even tried to defend my own pride
The father ain’t always like the son
They claim we’ve purloined, I’m not the one…
The story always goes, when the anger within
Builds up for too long…
Takes us over…
And we all are forced to obey, hey…
It was a match made in Hell,
Now the whole mountain burns
And every man gets what no man deserves
Our beloved kin never learned to fit in
Now I pay for my name, live my life in sin
How much less can I ask from you people?
This town stays in disarray
‘Til the rules are the same for us all, hey…
I’ve ran on this mountain, with no guilt of my own
The trees and the rocks, every cave, every hole
I dropped them a line, “Beware, this mountain will
Blow in your face. My last saving grace…”
Bells toll all over town, burn, burn until it’s all gone
Game over, what was a bad joke is now a reality show…
Oh, we all are forced to obey…
Oh, we all are forced to obey…
I climbed up the mountain,
And dug a grave for each day of pain,
It’s in the past, this moment’s so frail…
I am what you made me
With years of abuse, so burn!!!! (Burn, burn, burn)
It was a match made in Hell,
Now the whole mountain burns
And every man gets what no man deserves
Our beloved kin never learned to fit in
Now I pay for my name, live my life in sin
How much less can I ask from you people?
This town stays in disarray
'Til the rules are the same for us all
Our beloved kin never learned to fit in
Now I pay for my name, live my life in sin
How much less can I ask from you people?
I hereby declare a martial law
And you all, we all are forced to obey… hey!
One of the things I really love about BoJack Horseman is the brutal honesty with which the show portrays people. There are many themes that I really enjoy in the show, the one I want to talk about now is means and ends, good intentions and how they lead you nowhere most of the time.
Diane Nguyen vs Sebastian St. Clair.
Warning: spoilers for Seasons 1 and 2.
When Diane first appeared on the show, I was expecting a strawman feminist, a joke, a parody or a pandering unrealistic ideal. Instead I quickly saw we’ve got something raw and genuine on our hands - an actually well-rounded realistically flawed person who cares about social issues and women’s issues in particular.
The show does a good job of showing us that at the core Diane is a good person with a strong feeling of empathy and justice. Nonetheless, every now and then she closes her eyes on obvious injustices and problems, just like any real person would. These little hypocrisies make her very human, but they never take her too far off course (like they do for Joelle Clarke, who refuses to be there for young and vulnerable Sarah Lynn because she’s got other important ‘feminist’ things to do, this way completely discrediting herself).
Being into social justice as she is, Diane really wants to write a book about Sebastian St. Clair, a rich American celebrity who is leading an effort of easing a refugee crisis. St Clair contacts her, inviting her to come watch him in action and tell the world about his effort, and she gets really passionate about it, but only goes to him after a while.
In the meantime we get many shots of St. Clair being only semi-helpful, as he keeps talking to Diane on the phone. He helps several people, hurts one accidentally, shows no remorse and keeps going.
In the end Diane manages to make it to him and sees the horrors of war first-hand. She also sees the man she came to write about is an extremely self-centered unemphatic egotist. He doesn’t care about the suffering of the people even as he helps them (with various degrees of success). Diane, meanwhile, cares a lot. When a local child she met dies, she completely loses it and has to return home, which significantly undermines her image of herself. Ruthless and effective St. Clair brushes off yet another death he’d witnessed in the conflict and continues to build hospitals and monuments to himself.
Diane goes through a long depression and in the end never returns to the war-torn region, while she still tries to act against injustice and towards liberal causes without getting involved in anything quite as gruesome as war.
I think St. Clair’s role is more than just to be a parody of all the people who do benevolent things only to look good in the public eye, I think there’s more to him.
Both him and Diane want to help the refugees (for their respective reasons). Diane is clearly the kinder, more empathetic and genuine one. And yet she is also the one who gives up and runs away after mere weeks (or days), while St. Clair has been helping the refugees for months. I think this illustrates a very important point: empathy is not always what you need to help people.
In her short time in the war-torn region, Diane does almost nothing to actually help the people except writing the book about St. Clair, who does help, even if not perfectly. He is effective, and he is persistent. He feels nothing for those people, and that’s why he can stick around and help even as they die all around him, despite his efforts. An empathetic person like Diane couldn’t last long in such a situation, and she doesn’t.
That’s why there are very many psychopaths in medicine, law and political jobs. To be able to endure the pressure and the responsibility without breaking you either have to start out rather low on empathy or quickly grow a very thick skin. Being good and kind isn’t always what’s needed to help people. Sometimes you need to be a cold-blooded asshole or robot.
And this brings me to another point, a view I hold to some extent: means justify the ends. Yes, in that order.
St. Clair wants to have a legacy, he wants to do something significant to feed his ego, improve his public image and for other reasons. And what does he do to achieve those things - goes out to help refugees and tries to draw media attention to the crisis. His goal is nothing noble, but his actions (for the most part) are quite positive, by far better than doing nothing.
Meanwhile Diane has the best of intentions. But does she ever achieve anything? Does she really help anyone? Not really. It’s made very poignant in one scene late in Season 3 where she rants about saving water.
I think that’s a big reason St. Clair was introduced. He’s the corporation who gives money to research aiming to cure cancer, he’s the shady politician who builds a kids’ hospital, he’s the pop star who gives a charity concert. He is the churning wheel of progress and profit, who doesn’t care, but gets shit done nonetheless.
Diane is the average well-meaning prosocial person who usually doesn’t have the strength of character or passion to significantly improve the world, her few steps in the right direction are either fruitless (the scandal with that hippo celebrity) or accidental (the pro-choice advocacy). She doesn’t always get things right or understand other people (despite her empathetic nature), she ignores issues that are too intimidating for her to tackle (the whole situation with the chickens that she mostly ignores), she likes her cushy lifestyle and wants to keep it, but she is at the same time rather self-aware. All of this really makes her likable, but also deeply flawed. And I think it’s beautiful.
The show does an fantastic job of creating these complex archetypal characters and introducing their foils. And St. Clair is an amazing foil for Diane.
“96% of adults engage in having at least one bout of daily fantasies” (source)
Unless you’re unable to stop daydreaming to the point where you can’t control your life you’re not maladaptive daydreaming, you’re just daydreaming.
Everyone daydreams! Your least favorite teacher? Daydreams! Your mom? Daydreams! Your boss? Daydreams!
Daydreaming is good, daydreaming is healthy! Just like fiction it’s a good escape from the less pleasant parts of life. And just like, for example, reading, as long as you don’t stop doing everything else because you can’t stop reading - it’s perfectly healthy and good for you. It’s not maladaptive!
Liking it tidy isn’t OCD, being cautious isn’t paranoia, daydreaming - even when it’s elaborate and phantasmagorical - isn’t maladapative daydreaming! Mental disorders are called ‘disorders’ for a reason - it means something isn’t working right, something is out of order. As long as you can prevent it from becoming a problem daydreaming is not maladaptive.
It’s. Just. Daydreaming.
Stop self-diagnosing, stop self-defeating. Want to feel special? Do something special! Make your friend’s day with that fic review you’ve been putting off, clean your room extra nicely, do something productive!
If you literally cannot stop daydreaming and miss important activities because of it - go see a specialist. Otherwise, you’re fine, just like 96% of other adults.
Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it’s all a male fantasy: that you’re strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren’t catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you’re unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.
Margaret Atwood, The Robber Bride
(via goalsandpriorities)
Margaret sounds like she had a serious paranoia problem. XDDD
I used to suffer from that way of thinking when I was a neurotic teenager, but then I realized men are people. Each of them has his own tastes and interests and most of them sure as hell wouldn't wanna look at me shaving my legs.
Ladies, let's not give ourselves too much credit :) choosing between a girl on the street and models and actresses - trust me unless you're outstandingly good-looking unwanted men aren't fantasizing about you. And even if they are, they are probably thinking of something far less tame than you washing. You can't live your life worrying what other people think! You don't even really know.
Wash as you like, be graceful if you like, eat bananas in a public place, reject the paranoia. You'll be happier for it.
What if... there is a hidden special option in Lethian's Crossing brothel, when the town is left to the Disfavored. The customer would have to know what to ask for. But if they do, they get access to an old bald bearded guy... who kinda looks like Ashe. The place would be prospering I say.
There’s nothing so tragic as a young cynic, because it means the person has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.
Maya Angelou
(via mysharona1987)
Not addressing anyone in particular, but rather commenting on the quote:
It’s the opposite, actually. There's nothing more wonderful!
The person took a step in the right direction.
The person went from knowing nothing to knowing something: people are mostly egoists and lie a lot. It's good knowledge, very helpful. It helps you fill the rest of your knowledge base with actual facts that you skeptically analyze instead of gobbling up idealistic nonsense or lies that people would feed you so they can later use you.
Staying youthfully idealistic into adulthood - that sounds tragic. Also pathological. Idealism can take so many ugly forms. This website in particular has a great collection of what it looks like when people take idealism too far (and, guess what, most of those harmful idealists are young). It’s not better in real life, you’ve got religious zealotry, extreme ideologies, etc.
Of course, it's all about moderation. Both idealism and cynicism can be good and awful.
But out of the two I see idealism as the greater danger. People who doubt everything and are suspicious of others do not go on crusades, they’re usually minding their own grumpy business (or in the worst case they are loony conspiracy theorists). Meanwhile the idealist can either feed the homeless or, more likely, spend their days online attacking anyone who doesn’t pursue the same unrealistic ideal (shipping wars, moral purity in fiction, yadda yadda). In a more harmless scenario, the idealist would be setting impossible standards for their own art/career/body and being miserable - not much better at all.
It’s best to be in the middle, or slightly on the more cynical side. Some of the nicest people I’ve met are cynics, and I love it about them. The skepticism, the caution, the lack of belief in unrealistic notions. I’m quite the cynic myself.
However, unlike cynicism, which is good and healthy, nihilism sucks. Don’t go nihilistic, kids, you’re too young for that. Now if the quote said ‘a young nihilist’ - that, I would agree, is tragic. There’s even a story about such a guy we had as obligatory reading in school. Here’s a Project Gutenberg link for anyone interested. It’s pretty good.
Ugly girls are only seen by other ugly girls. Here they are, dragging their heavy luggage up a flight of stairs as a sea of men pass by, without even thinking to stop and help. Here they are, sitting in bars trying to hide their despair behind their book. Their ugliness can be an objective beauty, flashing eyes and strong noses and swanny necks. But if it’s not subjective, if the desired gender doesn’t respond, if the parents don’t respond to it, if it’s complicated and grown-into, if it doesn’t attract, then it settles on the girl like ugliness. Christine Chubbuck was striking. But I can’t tell if I can see that only because I’m a fellow ugly girl, of the long untouched variety, the men will call me their kindred souls and then marry someone prettier and softer variety. Because in her posture and manner is the weight of the undesired.
If someone offered me a chance to be conventionally attractive tomorrow for free, forever, no strings attached, I would say “no, thank you” and be on my merry way.
Now let me tell you why:
When you are not attractive, people like you for your personality and skill, assholes ignore you cause they don't wanna have sex with you. And romantic interests who choose a prettier person - joke's on them, people age and beauty fades, while your spanking personality only intensifies with age. Marry someone pretty but annoying and you're in for a lifetime of whining to your friends (at best!).
And it's rubbish about people not noticing ugly girls dragging heavy shit around. One time as many as five different strangers helped me drag a heavy thing home though I looked like a chewed up potato. Four out of five were men. So much for male shallowness, eh?
If you need help in a public space you just gotta show you really are struggling, then you’re bound to catch some empathetic stranger’s eye. Sometimes your struggle is naturally evident, but sometimes it seems like you’re coping and people ignore you. I like to do my own heavy lifting a lot and I’ve been both ignored in situations where I could have used help and got offers of help where I don’t need any. It’s true men notice you easier when you telegraph your femininity, but it has little to nothing to do with good looks in my experience. Put on a frilly skirt, make a show of how heavy your bag is while dragging it up the stairs - voila free manpower coming your way (at least that’s the European experience).
One group who really doesn't get helped almost at all, though, is able-bodied adult men. Every other day I see dudes overloaded with boxes being completely ignored while they struggle to open a door. I always stop and help them if I see the rest of the people are ignoring them.
So see a person who needs help - help them. Who cares what they look like. It’s not like helping them carry a bag will get you laid anyway!
If you do want to attract people, consider this: women love with their ears, so attracting women won’t be a problem. Men do care more about how you look, but I’ve spent tons of time around straight guys (both in studies and work) and I can tell you guys will notice you are clean, well-groomed and womanly dressed much more than whether or not your nose has that ideal shape. Dudes don’t notice details in your appearance like at all (a friend had a noticeable nose surgery cause she wanted to and her boyfriend’s only reaction was a shrug basically, he couldn’t care less). For a few years in university I put some effort into my presentation and I got tons of male attention all of a sudden. I was never beautiful, but just being well-groomed and expressing femininity was enough. If the competition for the men wherever you are is too high - try the nerds, they are smart and fun and most likely far less picky. The few guys I sort of dated were all nerds (as am I) and I had a very decent time! Meanwhile my very beautiful friend has had fiasco after fiasco meeting anyone decent, cause very attractive girls are intimidating to the average guy, while being insta-desirable to all the entitled assholes around. Who’s got the better deal now?
There’s a lot of this ugly=bad nonsense people use against themselves, and I say “fuck no” to that. You don’t need to be beautiful. People who will still love you as an ugly potato are the people you want to be around! If you like spending time and effort on making yourself look beautiful (for yourself or your more visually-oriented love interest), it’s your life and choices, but please, consider that there’s nothing wrong with ugly!
Ugly is awesome. Ugly can be as happy and successful as beautiful. You get one life, why waste it moping over how unattractive you are to the average stranger when instead you can focus on your other strengths and succeed?
Recently I felt really frustrated by politics and almost felt like posting about something like that, but then I listened to this.
Nothing like good old absurdity to remind one of the futility of anything really.
Life’s too short to get into squabbles with strangers on the Internet. Better to shitpost or make some art. Do something nice and enjoyable for everyone involved. Go all the way... or go home and have a good time.
I was recently talking to another person about why villains could be so attractive/interesting to some of us and that led me to realize some interesting things.
I’ve loved villains since I was a tiny little girl.
I was a ridiculously good kid.
I saved bugs from boys who would torture them for fun, I helped everyone I could and wanted to be friends with everyone I met.
And yet for some reason I adored the bad guys. Scar, Jafar, Lotor, Starscream. The heros usually did nothing for me.
Looking back I can finally explain it.
Take the average hero/heroine from kids’ entertainment:
good-looking
reacts rather than act proactively
average or lower than average intelligence
little to no ambition
no plans
designed to be relatable for the ‘average’, ‘normal’ person
Take the villains:
usually ugly (or very beautiful instead, but hardly ever bland)
proactive and motivated
often smart (or at least cunning)
ambitious
plan ahead and execute those plans
often quirky or gay coded
The second list can be used to describe me. I was like that for as long as I can remember. I was always weird, always proactive, always planning, always struggling to achieve what I wanted.
And now that I think of it, I find it very disturbing that so many very good qualities are given almost exclusively to the badguys, the ones kids are not supposed to emulate because they use those qualities for malicious ends. Kids hardly ever get role-models that would teach them to take control of their lives and achieve their goals. The only examples of a protagonist with those qualities I can name off of the top of my head would be Tiana (2009), Judy Hopps (2016) and Danny (1997).
Tiana is amazing, she’s a hard-working woman with not just a dream and a wish upon a star, but an actual business plan. She wants to rise above her station, she wants to run a restaurant. And she’s “working hard each and every day” to get there. That’s what I’d like to show to my kids when I have them! There’s a princess I want them to emulate.
Judy is much in the same vein, only she wants to be a cop. Despite how tough the job is and how much the stereotypes are against her.
Danny may not be the brightest and his plan is also pretty basic (to be a star), but throughout the movie he never gives up even though Hollywood is rough on him. He’s also the only one of the three who was around when I was a kid. And little me always liked Danny despite the fact he was a main character (the fact he’s a cat probably helped XD).
All those characters strive to achieve their goals without direct outside pressure, just because they want to. I guess out of the lot of them Judy is closest to cunning and scheming (how ironic that she’s a rabbit). I thought of putting Mulan on the list, but her journey begins not out of her own desire for change, but only because her father’s life is in danger.
Kids entertainment at large gives children role-models who fumble through life with no plan and little to no agency until the villain comes and leaves them no choice but to react. It makes sense from a narrative point of view to have a hero who reacts to the villain’s schemes and not the other way around, but with the overwhelming majority of kids entertainment working this way I’m afraid we’re not encouraging kids (and the adults they grow into) to take control of their lives or have ambition. We tell them those things are bad, ugly weird people do those things (and by association being ugly and weird is also bad). It’s only ok to react, to act only in response to some very big event/danger, etc.
Thankfully I never much cared for what other people think (in contrast to what they do), so the fact all my favorite characters were baddies - and what others might think of that - never worried me. I felt perfectly comfortable finding inspiration in the villains’ drive, their schemes and the aesthetic. I made grand plans myself, and I made those plans a reality. I grew up poor, but I wanted financial security and went to get a degree that pays, now I’m middle-class. Disney cartoons made me want to search for that one true love, I went out and looked, and I’ve found it in my dear @luffik. She was in a different country though, so after six years of a painful long-distance relationship I realized another plan: I moved abroad - something I’ve worked for it since I was kid. And now I did it twice.
So take inspiration from the worst of villains if you have to, but don’t go with the flow if the flow is carrying you towards a waterfall. Make plans, think your options through, act smartly and don’t give up. Tenacity will get you anywhere.
P.S. Dexter from Dexter’s Lab is probably another good protagonist role-model by my criteria, but the show wasn’t available in my home country, so I’m not sure. Also I guess the segment of Tarzan growing up in the Disney cartoon kinda works, but it’s not central to the story.
If you ask Nerat about his past this is what he tells you.
"In our youth, we were the youngest scion of House Nerat. These would be the early years of Kyros' reign. [...] The Northern Empire wasn't the bastion of order and peace as we know it today. Our gracious Overlord contended with sedition and lawlessness from his subjects, from his enemies... and even from the noble House of Nerat.
Whispers spread, as whispers do. House Nerat never lacked in petty neighbors and bitter rivals. You must remember that these were delicate years for the Overlord. An accusation of treason was as damning as treason itself.
Something had to be done before we fell under the shadow of our family's guilt. We did what came naturally, of course. We took initiative.
Before any accusations could fly, we had our family driven to the city square and pilloried among the masses of Kyros' unfaithful.
Before the shocked eyes of the community, we interrogated them one by one - flaying their skins with tanner's knives and putting their loyalties to the test. Father. Mother. Sisters. Aunts. All of them questioned. All of them found guilty."
So here comes the interesting part: sisters, aunts. No brothers or uncles. Peculiar, no?
But then we have the Tiers where women are the ones that inherit property and it becomes a littler clearer. We can deduce that Nerat’s homeland had the same model with the men leaving the family to live with their brides and not the other way around. So Nerat’s elder brothers were all married off and no longer part of the family (having taken their wives’ family names).
In this setup the youngest son was the least influential part of the family.
"What city was this?"
"In no tongue your ear would recognize, we called it Waterlog Marsh. You won't find our homeland on maps - but that is a story for another day."
It kind of sounds like he had a hand in erasing that place from the maps.
Perhaps he wanted to forget, as I theorized in the post about his motives.
"Were they guilty?"
"We don't remember. We remember choosing to survive, and we remember the sound of skin peeling away from muscle. The rest was... formality. It was all a demonstration for the Overlord - 'this one can be trusted'. A message that was gratefully received."
I think, maybe, just maybe, due to his status in the family or the relationship with the rest of his relatives, the youngest son actually had reasons to suspect he could be chosen as a scapegoat by the others if he did not act first.
That would explain the need to bring his entire family down - he expected them to turn on him.
"Our devotion to Kyros was the terror and pride of the community. The son of Nerat had grown to something greater than our family name. In time, the Archon of Misery heard tell of our deeds, and invited us into a better life.”
“A better life”, eh? Torturing people? After having been left as a single heir to a noble house? Doesn’t quite add up. Unless staying in his hometown, in his family’s empty home with terrified servants wasn’t quite the happy bachelor’s life he had imagined for himself. I guess, creating galleries devoted to torture and reveling in brutality on unfamiliar people was a welcome distraction.
And then he still came back and burnt his hometown down.
Yeah, he’s totally over it.
Sirin: "Yes. I'm sure you were all so incredibly noble. Let me guess... Your father was in debt to a hundred brothels, and your mother drugged herself senseless so she didn't have to deal with looking at you."
Nerat: "We would continue without your commentary, songbird."
He shoots her a piercing look, flaring up the green flames in his eyes.
Doesn’t care about that family at all.
When I first heard his backstory I was rather unimpressed. It seemed so trivial. But the longer I thought about it the more I saw just how much it defined the whole of the Chorus and The Voices of Nerat’s entire being. He collects stories (according to himself), cause his own story is painful to him. He hates weakness and spits on attachment, because doing otherwise would make him face his own past and likely be destroyed by it.
The Voices of Nerat is a miserable coward haunted by his past
It’s not to say I don’t like him. Actually he’s my fave from the whole game, but, boy, is he weak and bitter!
Proof and explanation (with spoilers) below. :D
So, if you’ve played the Chorus walkthrough, the Voices of Nerat can tell you his backstory. How he was a nobleman from the house of Nerat, which was accused of treachery towards Kyros. And Nerat solved the situation by publicly flaying and killing the whole rest of his family and becoming an apprentice to some other exceptionally evil Archon (the Archon of Sorrows). Then he made a career as a torturer and voilà became an Archon.
The Voices of Nerat at the beginning of his career must have wanted to ensure Kyros saw him as loyal. That whole display with his family was clearly the biggest step in that direction. Nerat’s only goal at that point was survival. And he achieved it, but at what price?
It might seem like he’s just a complete monster from the start, after all who else would torment and kill their whole family just to survive? How about every surviving conscript into the Scarlet Chorus? ;D
So that got me thinking - Nerat built his whole army around putting people through the same situation he was in. So it seems like that one past crime still haunts him.
I’ve got more proof that Nerat can’t get over killing his family and is actually miserable. In order of significance:
The whole idea of the Chorus where your only chance for survival during conscription is to kill people you know and love.
His burning hate for Graven Ashe, whose army is like one big family.
His approval of Blood Echo, the previous Archon of War, who was "manly" because he wore his relative’s rib cage for armor and showed appreciation for his fallen underlings by using their bones for accessories.
The fact he formed the Chorus only after Ashe became Archon of War, to prove that you can't be as successful by treating your people with compassion. That you need to be a ruthless, back-stabbing asshole.
His last words about an Archon being shaped by his public image:
”We came from nothing. Our deeds defined us to the people, and the people knew us as a monster. Did you imagine we were always flames, voices and secrets?”
So, deeds, not intentions, not thoughts. Nerat might have felt anything about what he did up to a point. Then his infamy was great enough that he became an Archon and his personality could have been reshaped by the image of a monster that he worked so hard to create.
Notice how Ashe only talked about responsibility when he was dying, but he’s also an Archon, and his public image must have also influenced him, so what gives? It’s because Ashe, unlike some, lived true to himself, and people’s perception of him only enforced and cemented his original personality. Nerat, it would appear, started out much less of a monster than The Voices that we face off in the Tiers. And he’s aware.
If we tell him we could never become like him:
“Couldn’t you? How much you’ve changed since this war began... imagine if you subjected that same pressure to centuries of time. We don’t have to wonder, but you do!”
All of the sass and humor - typical coping mechanisms for people who are dead inside. He laughs when he dies, but he doesn’t sound happy.
He’s basically collecting people.
“Did you imagine we were always flames, voices and secrets? Think on that, you Archon of misguided decisions.”
Sounds like somebody’s projecting. Especially if your Fatebinder has a Noble background, which means you were in the same situation Nerat was once in, but you managed to save yourself AND your family. Imagine how pissed he would have been if he knew.
That’s some major pent up bitterness right there. I think it’s safe to say the Voices of Nerat is the architect of his own misery. When you kill Ashe, he cries:
It could be Ashe’s son (and daughter) in there. Or it could be Nerat.
The “Failing. Failing. Failing.” is surely interesting.
Look at him cry. What a pathetic sad excuse for an Archon.
Best character in the game. 11/10, would backstab again.
A fanfic/speculation about how to wreck the Voices of Nerat psychologically way beyond what a simple defeat and murder possibly could.
Warning: Spoilers for Tyranny.
Important notice:
I turned this into a fic, which can be found here. Don’t read below cut if you want to see it all properly written. :D
It also gets kinda sad and gay along the way. :P
Tossing the game's technical limitations aside, let us imagine a Noble Fatebinder who managed to trick Nerat into thinking they are allies, and even before going to fight Ashe convinces the Archon to accept a companion as an offering.
The Voices of Nerat, being the vainglorious bastard that he is, gladly accepts the gift, unaware that the Sage he is presented with would take over the Voices and become the new leader of the Chorus.
And yet that is what happens. With the Voices Lantry acquires not just an ageless form possessing sharper senses and none of his old body's limitations, but a bottomless well of knowledge. Nerat loses control of the hive mind and can't even muster the strength to resurface. What a pathetic ending for someone so powerful and, allegedly, cunning.
Let's make it worse.
Our Noble Fatebinder had sided with Nerat only in an attempt to bring the sly bastard down and now decides that there is no reason to continue the animosities with Ashe. So as a gesture of good will our hero sends Ashe a present. With Lantry's newfound unlimited wisdom, the Fatebinder finds a way to extract Nerat out of the voices and put him into the body of some unfortunate Chorus member (likely a gang boss who lost the power struggle and was going to die anyway).
Ashe isn't at all glad to receive this questionable gift, but the news that the Fatebinder only joined Nerat to have a better shot at the monster appeases his anger. In the end he makes peace with the Fatebinder and joins the rebellion against Kyros that is brewing in the Tiers.
As for Nerat’s fate, at first Ashe thinks about smiting him and being over with it, but Nerat looks so freaked out and uncomfortable just being human again that Ashe decides it's a much better punishment to leave him alive. Instead he orders his people to chain Nerat, so he can't kill himself and get off easy. They put him to work, to do simple stuff slaves do, like drag or carry stuff around the camp.
Nerat is expecting the Disfavored to start torturing or hurting him any moment now, but nobody does. The few who know who he is are too disgusted, others just don't see the appeal of abusing a slave without reason.
So while doing this simple work, Nerat has a moment to ponder his situation. He is extra miserable, because his mind is full of holes. He was so used to being among the Voices he is feeling extremely lonely, stupid and weak. He had grown dependent on having all that info, all those personalities and memories. He had knowledge of generations at his fingertips, stored in the minds he had absorbed, it had made him rely on his own wit and knowledge less. Without it he is basically worse than average, he can't remember the majority of his life as an Archon, but memories of his old human life become super vivid.
In his new harshly limited form Nerat realizes fully he has no chance against the Fatebinder, who had managed to trick and defeat him while he was at his peak. Accepting defeat and slipping into complete misery, Nerat tries to find a chance to die. Sooner than later it presents itself. The former Archon impales himself on some unfortunately placed weapon.
But somebody finds him, and remembering Ashe's orders about keeping that one slave alive, drags him to Ashe, reporting failure, because the Disfavored are such loyal (nationalistic) cinnamon rolls.
Ashe sees the wound is beyond healing potions, Nerat's going to die.
And so... they have no other choice but to draft Nerat into the Disfavored to save him via Aegis.
Now Nerat realizes he is not going to get killed or tortured, because Ashe has enough pain to hold as is, so he grows bold and starts sassing Ashe off. Ashe gets pissed, realizing the folly of not having cut Nerat's tongue out before drafting him in. But the Disfavored do have experience with shutting up chatty mages. So Nerat is forced to wear a modified Disfavored helmet with a gag, that he can't take off. They pretend he is a mute northern simpleton from an unspecified (and likely very ashamed) family.
Nerat gets to take his helmet off only once a day when he eats. He can drink without taking it off. His job is now to be Ashe's personal assistant, cause Ashe wants to keep an eye on him. And now that he can't see Nerat’s (new but already hated) face or hear his voice it's a bit less annoying to have him around.
Nobody really talks to Nerat, Ashe and the Disfavored only give him commands. Nerat tries to initiate conversation with guards during his meals, but nobody talks back at him. Over weeks, he starts mentally deteriorating because this new life is almost solitary confinement compared to his previous existence in the Voices.
Some time passes like that. The Tiers are conquered, the rebels mostly weeded out, Ashe's people no longer suffer or get hurt. Graven Ashe gets to relax. But there is this well of misery somewhere at the edge of his mind, so he goes around asking his captains if someone has complaints, if one of his soldiers is hurt or suffering. Nope, everyone is ok.
Ashe is pissed, cause the negativity just won't stop coming. Then he figures out it's Nerat. He takes off the helmet and asks him what the fuck he is doing. Nerat just stares at him blankly and doesn't say anything, Ashe shakes him by his shoulders and yells at him, but gets no response. Nerat doesn't talk for days even though he is no longer gagged. Then timidly he starts talking in first person singular, speaking to Ashe respectfully, calling him "Sir", "general" and so on, Ashe is super angry, cause clearly the bastard must be plotting something, right? But what?
Nerat meanwhile is going through an identity crisis, cause his personal memories are a well of pain, his glimpses into his life as Voices are a confusing piece of swiss cheese, and everyone around except Ashe in private, addresses and treats him as a shameful son of the North.
And he's not even sure which part is real, which part is nightmares that fill him when he sleeps. The only thing he is sure of is the stuff he once did to his own family, and now that he doesn't have the Voices, he feels terrible about it (if you missed that part, he skinned them alive and executed them publicly to prove loyalty to Kyros). I assume that Nerat was a dick from the start, but not as much of a dick as during his Archon years. He just knew how to pretend that he has no remorse at all, cause he was a coward and wanted to survive, and then the "complete monster" image he developed and the years of telling and showing himself and others that he is ok with what he did, made him as the Voices immune to any scruples and doubts. But now he is stripped of that and the misdeeds of his past come back with a vengeance, and he is re-evaluating everything and being miserable and hating himself.
The Fatebinder was also a noble in a similar situation as Nerat at the beginning of his career, but handled it so much more gracefully (the Noble origins has you prove fealty by testifying against your family, but saving them from punishment by offering yourself to Tunon). Nerat is extremely bitter about that. Cause not only was he shamefully defeated, he was defeated by someone who was better than him from day one and then outsmarted him despite Nerat having had access to countless lifetimes of experience. That's another reason he doesn't have hopes of regaining his Voices, he sees he is outmatched.
Ashe, meanwhile, can't exactly read thoughts, he just gets the bad mood leaking into his brain over the aegis, and he's pissed at Nerat for it.
After years of having the Voices of Nerat to bicker with, now Ashe still keeps ranting at Nerat (especially since he's around so much), and keeps verbally abusing him (talking about his past crimes, his monstrous nature, so on). Nerat is taking it to heart, but Ashe can't know, he is wearing a helmet after all and being pretty damn quiet. At some point Ashe gets angry with him for not bickering back, tears his helmet off and sees Nerat is crying. He's crying under that helmet a lot, because when he was a living flame people couldn't understand his displays of emotion and he's not used to holding back.
Ashe starts wondering just how much of what Nerat is doing is some evil scheme and how much could be genuine misery.
While he's still undecided one night Nerat, who detests being alive more and more, tries to strangle himself, because that's fairly painless and Ashe wouldn't feel it, so he actually has a chance to succeed at that suicide attempt.
Ashe happens to find him soon after. Nerat's misery probably sifted into his dreams and made the poor old man get out of bed.
And this time Ashe doesn't want to bring Nerat back out of spite, but simply because he's grown used to him. He actually kinda feels sorry for him. He knows the Voices of Nerat he'd fought with for decades wouldn't have acted this way for so long only to kill himself, so it couldn't have all been a ploy. And Ashe is a soft old man under all that armor and giant hammers.
So some first aid happens which is gross and awkward for both parties. And they never talk about that. Or not until much later, at least.
At some point some mistress of Ashe's is brought to him, smuggled from the North, out of Kyros's reach, and after her visit, Ashe is sitting about with wine, being in a fairly good mood. Nerat comments on it somehow, cause Ashe being in a good mood is triggering his almost atrophied urge to piss the old man off.
Ashe: "I am not some sicko asshole like you, I don't just shag slaves and terrified underlings. I bet you fucked half the Chorus."
Nerat: "Excuse me, with WHAT???"
Ashe: "How do I know?"
Nerat: "I was flames!"
Ashe: "Are you telling me you haven't fucked with anyone for centuries?"
Nerat: "That would explain all the impalement, no?"
And Ashe is actually amused, and he thinks "Would you look at that this guy was being such a ruthless prick, cause he hasn't banged anyone in forever, pathetic, hahaha".
And then Ashe's REALLY REALLY drunk mind says "Hey, maybe he was so evil cause he hasn't had sex in forever. Let's fuck him."
And Nerat doesn't look like Nerat. He's no longer wearing the helmet, cause after that suicide attempt Ashe has wanted to see his face and be able to tell when the fucker is actually upset.
And Ashe's confused common sense comes to the conclusion that it is a good idea and he pulls Nerat into his arms. Nerat protests a little, but at the same time he realizes he's being embraced, he's being kissed, oh, he has not felt any of that in centuries, who cares that it's with this old wreck who was his enemy for so long, beggars aren't choosers.
Ashe still tells Nerat that they are nothing alike, that he's not a monster like Nerat. Nerat gets a little upset by it, but hey, free sex.
It starts out a little rough and clumsy, but Ashe quickly calms down and is gentle, and Nerat is just overwhelmed by how good it feels to have sex after centuries of not even having a body, and he can't get over the fact Ashe keeps showing him mercy after all he's done.
When they are done, Nerat suddenly realizes that tomorrow Ashe will fucking kill him, cause that would be the only reasonable reaction to what happened. And he suddenly doesn't want to die. He is enjoying himself, he wants intimacy and sex again. And when Ashe lies down next to him and tells him that he won't kill him in the morning - which Nerat doesn't buy of course - Nerat decides it's all-or-nothing and just snuggles up to Ashe and lies in his embrace, deciding to take the opportunity, cause he won't have another one.
Ashe tells him he is confused, that he doesn't know what of Nerat's behavior is a trick and if there's anything genuine in there. Nerat mumbles something about Ashe being merciful to him, that he would have long since tortured himself to death, Ashe is like "I'm not you, I'm nothing like you", but keeps holding him and Nerat feels all more poignantly how true it is. And he knows he is a terrible person. And he doesn't regret what he did to Ashe, but he regrets so terribly what he had done to his own family. And Ashe in that moment wonders out loud if Nerat even has any regrets, and Nerat clings to him, all pain and misery, but says nothing.
Ashe says that he knows he won't get his dead children back, but he hopes that at least now Nerat wouldn't take more from him if he had the opportunity, and Nerat says nothing, but he knows he couldn't. He still doesn't regret killing Ashe's kin, but he knows he wouldn't do it again. He can't understand how Ashe could show him so much mercy, but he is grateful for it.
In the end they fall asleep together, and in the morning Ashe of course is full of regret and horror, and escapes only to stick his head into the tent and tell Nerat "Not a word to anyone". Nerat just nods and gestures that his lips are sealed.
Nerat keeps being Ashe's quiet personal assistant, but he is a little less miserable and much more invested in his job. He subconsciously tries to return the favor for the kindness Ashe has shown him. Plus he's been at this job for a while, and he's used to it, might as well do it properly. At some point Ashe is the one who's having a sad evening and Nerat tells him he could still go talk to his kids, they're in the Voices. The new guy could pull them out for him to talk to at least. Ashe hasn't thought of that option and is surprised and quite excited. He goes to Voices of Lantry the next day.
But when he returns the joy of the family reunion is tarnished by what his son and daughter told him Nerat had done to them. Moreover he finds Nerat isn’t in his quarters, instead the former Archon is found torturing one of the few remaining rebels that had been caught while Ashe was gone. Seeing that after having just heard of what Nerat did to his children makes Ashe lash out violently. Nerat stumbles away from him, dropping his torture implements and cowering in a corner, shielding himself with nothing but his arms as Ashe lifts his hammer about to strike him down. Nerat pleads for his life, saying he just wanted to be of use. The soldier who was meant to torture the rebel scouts had no success getting information out of them and he simply wanted to lend a hand.
After a moment Ashe calms down and lowers his hammer, telling Nerat to get out and never take the torture tools into his hands again.
Some days later, when Ashe’s mood is less grim, Nerat asks if he could go see the Voices of Lantry too, and Ashe lets him do so. Nerat, whose memories are a mess, asks Lantry if perhaps his family is among the Voices. Lantry tells him that they're not, that Nerat had killed his own, long before the Voices even came to be. Nerat is crushed. What ever hope of having at least a chance to apologize dies in him. Lantry wonders how much of his memory Nerat actually lost, if he doesn't remember something that basic. Nerat admits that a lot.
Lantry offers to give some him the memories of his time as an Archon back. Nerat tentatively accepts and receives a glimpse. It leaves him shaken to the core. The horrors of his human life and what little things he did remember pale in comparison. He begs Lantry to stop, shaking and pleading. Lantry says the other Voices would gladly give up their memories of that, that there's plenty more they want to share. Nerat weeps and begs not to have to bear this burden.
The Voices of Lantry watch him. After a small council it is decided that the man before them is clearly on the path to recovery and dumping all those horrors on him would only drag him back to the dark side. Lantry tells Nerat they want to be rid of the memories of his violence one way or another. Nerat begs once more not to be the vessel for those. Lantry allows Nerat leave.
Nerat returns to the Disfavored camp, shaken and even more miserable than ever before. Ashe who feels his distress meets him and seeing just how bad it is, actually comforts him. Nerat weeps shaking in his embrace. In between his sobs he tells Ashe that he had betrayed and killed his own family out of fear of Kyros. He was a coward. He did not want to die because of the Overlord's wrath. He tortured and killed his own flesh and blood to survive. He had told himself for years that it was the only way. He convinced himself that cruelty, betrayal and survival of the fittest were the only moral compass worth following. That he hated Ashe so much because he dared stand for everything that Nerat, in his weakness, wickedness and cowardice denied: honor, family, bravery, love for his people. And that Ashe managed to be successful while sticking to those values. That was why Nerat hated him so much, why he wanted to destroy Ashe at any cost. Ashe was a living breathing proof that he was wrong.
And now there was that Fatebinder, who didn't just defeat him, but also managed to handle the exact same situation Nerat was once in, in a humane and successful way.
Nerat calls himself a monster and expresses a lot of self-hatred and desire to die. Ashe listens to him quietly, letting him weep his heart out. He feels that it's all real, he feels the agony pouring out of Nerat, the weakness, fear, guilt, misery and every other painful emotion he's so used to lifting off of his soldiers. Finally, he tells Nerat that if he really feels he is a monster, what he must do is learn his lesson and move on, because no one would be better off with him gone right now. His death wouldn't serve anything. They've the Tiers to rebuild and every pair of hands counts.
The animosity that was once raging so powerfully between them is dead. Nerat feels nothing but guilt and gratitude towards Ashe. Ashe feels some resentment, but also compassion. He detests Nerat for all he's done. But with the new leader of the Chorus reorganizing the horde into something more presentable and Nerat himself a wreck of guilt and self-deprecation, Ashe just can't bring himself to really hate what's left of his old enemy. It did feel good to have someone to yell at. And now it feels good to have someone to organize his maps and less important paperwork, brew him tea and do other boring little tasks. It strikes him what an uninspiring role he had given Nerat, who had been quite sharp of wit in his day, he could probably do better. Ashe decides to return to that thought later. Now he just comforts the shaken, tired Disfavored soldier in his arms and loses himself in the feeling of sadness and peace that slowly dawns on him as he lets go of his grudges.
Some weeks later, Nerat, who had mostly recovered from his last visit to Lantry, asks Ashe if he could go on another one, a longer one. He wants to ask the Sage to teach him healing magic. He is already knowledgeable in human anatomy from all his years as a torturer, but he would like to put that knowledge to a benevolent use. Ashe likes the idea, and they part ways for a time.
