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how do i uninstall anxiety

J a n u a r y;

We’ve talked once—I love you almost jumped out of my throat thirty times.

Fe b r u a r y;

Those roses that showed up on your doorstep on Valentine’s Day weren’t from me. I know you hate flowers like you hate clowns. I left a note under your coffee pot because I know you’ll never see it. You hate coffee as much as you hate people and I know the only reason you keep it is because it’s always the last thing I touch before the sun rises on those secret mornings. It’s a keepsake—bitter sweet; like I like my coffee. Like us.

M a r c h;

I’m drunk and the only thing on my lips is your name. It weighs heavier than the ring on her finger. She said yes; and I find myself in your arms, bare chested, raw, exposed. I love you. I love you, God damn it. Why does I love you feel so tragic?

A p r i l;

I remember promising myself that the last time would be the last time—that falling in and out of your sheets wouldn’t be as easy as falling. That I would make it a strenuous mountain climb. Ice and snow and sharp edges would keep me from fighting my way through your open door. I promised to remember the dangerous things, and how even if I didn’t see them on my way up, that they would meet me at the top. They always had. I remember how I thought that you were my fortress: I remember finding out the truth. You weren’t my stronghold; you were my hurricane—the most daunting thing I would ever have to face. I remember a promise of protection. But winds as wild as yours can’t be tamed; and what can’t be tamed can’t be stopped.

What I don’t remember, is ever being strong enough to weather your storm.

#shameless reblog #~~~