Sebastian angled himself to look directly at her. Their knees were now touching. “There are things I wish to ask you, to better understand your love. What does it mean for you to love me? Describe it.” He bent slightly forward, inching his face closer to hers.
The urge to kiss him was profound, but she held off. It seemed to her to be a better course of action to leave that up to him. His question, on the other hand, she believed she could offer a satisfactory answer to, one he deserved to know. “In my case, it means to surrender. I surrender myself to you. You have power over me. I am your prisoner. And I don’t mind it. In fact, it makes me happy. It feels right to be held captive like this. I don’t want you to set me free. This is where I belong, right here with you.”
The bridge of his nose wrinkled up and he backed away a bit. “Do you think I should be your prisoner, as well?”
Holding her palms open in front of her chest, she shook her head with much vigour. “No, never! I’d hate myself if I made you feel caged in. You deserve to be fully in charge. I’ll simply be grateful that you hold my key in your hands.” She let her arms fall. Her toes curled within the black wool of her stockings, while she rubbed the arches of her feet together. “I prefer the idea of you having control over me. You have such strength and poise. You’s everything I’s not. I feel so out of control. But when you’s stern, like just now when you were punishing me, I feel secure. Like I finally have something I can hold onto. You know best and I trust you. And that makes me want to give you everything I possibly can, so I might please you.” Mey-Rin could feel her eyelids grow heavy as she gazed at him.
“I see,” he said, holding his finger tip up to his chin in contemplation. ”But what if I were to find that I am unable to return your affections, would that stop you loving me?”
Grimacing, she hung her head down. “It hasn’t stopped me yet. I reckon it’ll be my curse to love you always. I’ll just keep hoping that you do love me one day.”
He prodded her to look up by stroking her face. “What if I offered you my love, but not my fidelity? Would it upset you to know I took other lovers?”
She looked away again. “No, I would try to be forgiving. To love someone, you accept their flaws. What’s inside you is what matters, because the act isn’t necessarily love.” Turning back to him, she took his hand in both of hers. “I mean, I’s sure I’d be sad to be away from you while you were with someone else, but I’s willing to make that sacrifice. I love you so much that I want you to have everything you desire. To deny you anything, it would hurt me. You deserve all the love in the world, so I don’t dare be jealous. If you should truly love me, then I would be more than honoured to share you with whomever you choose. And if you loved them, I would love them, too. Anyone who makes you happy is dear to me. I will protect them just as I protect you and the master, if that’s what you wish.” Mey-Rin shrugged and swallowed the lump that was building in her throat. “Does that make me sound pathetic? That I’ll settle for whatever you’s willing to give me? That I’ll be happy just to have the crumbs from your plate?”
“No, I wouldn’t call it pathetic. It’s… Noble, in a way.” His eyebrows flickered upward for a moment.
Her eyes glistened as she brought his hand closer to her body. “Noble? You’s more kind than I feel I deserve.”
“Nonsense. You’re a very tolerant and understanding human being. I don’t think I’ve known another to expect so little in return for so much. In my experience, people are very possessive of what they claim to love.” The corner of his mouth then twitched into a sly smirk. “What’s more, I have no intention of sharing you with anyone else. Nobility is hardly one of my traits, you see.”
“That’s fine with me. You’s the only one I could ever truly love. There have been a few men I thought were handsome, but I never felt anything for them. Anyway, despite how impossibly beautiful you are, that’s not what matters to me. You give me reason to live. You saved me and you offered me a home and a purpose. You saw me as a woman and showed me respect. That was the first time anyone had done so. You’s so clever and skilled; I wish I could be more like you. And when I’s near you, my head spins and my body seems to float. Sometimes, I feel as if my bosom is a flower, blooming open to offer you nectar from my heart.” She placed his hand over the left side of her chest, where the organ in question was hammering away.
His hand lingered there at her breast for a time, prior to gliding up to her face. He brushed her cheekbone with his knuckles and treated her to a soft smile. In an exceedingly gentle voice, he asked, “Now my dear, I must ask, would you still love me if you knew me to be evil?”
“I believe I would. Who am I to judge good from evil? No one. I’ve gallons of blood on my hands. It’ll be an ocean’s worth by the time I hang up my guns once and for all, I reckon. There are people worse than me, I know, but they’s worse than you, too. So I would do my best to understand you and accept the good and the bad sides. If I can’t love all of you, do I truly love you?” She leaned into his touch, rubbing her cheek against his hand. “Well, I do love you, Mr. Sebastian, and I’ll embrace whatever darkness might be in you. And I will trust in your reasoning, for I trust you.”
As his hand descended to her chin, he swiped his thumb along her lips. “And what if I were to drain the very life out of you?”
“I should be happy to die in the arms of the one I love so dearly. And if, in that moment, you did love me back, it’d be worth it a thousand times over.” With pleading eyes, she clasped her hands together in front of her breastbone, almost as if in prayer.
Sebastian’s jaw briefly went slack. “You’re far too kind, my dear,” he said, proceeding to stroke the right sidelock of her hair.
A mist of tears formed in her field of vision, threatening to spill out. “That's how I feel, is all.”
~ from Hell's at Heaven's Door (Warning, this fic is 18+)
