What pisses me off about the general fandom's stance on Kylo Ren is that it's based on misinterpretating his character. The most common word used to define him is whiny... Whiny means complaining a lot, Kylo never complains during the movie. So why do people have a problem with him? Ren is emotional, he doesn't fit the stereotipical Hollywood villain who's cold, calculating inhuman and psychopathic, so they're conditioned to think there's smth wrong with his characterisation.
I think the response to Kylo Ren says a lot about how people perceive masculinity, and in particular how they expect and want men to behave. Everyone wanted and expected Kylo to be some emotionless, cold and calculating badass, and people were unsettled when they instead got an emotional and deeply unhappy young man who struggles to regulate his emotions.
We associate displays of emotion with weakness and vulnerability, deeming them feminine, and it’s especially taboo for men to be honest and unguarded about their feelings. That is part of why it’s so painful and raw to watch Kylo in his moments of profound turmoil and distress. He only increases his self-loathing in those moments where he’s helpless to contain his emotions, which makes him more and more desperate and frustrated. It creates a vicious cycle.