Oakley

A place to dump my words from my brain.

[zombeats93]

Wrote this quite a while ago

Love Thyself

Love thyself like you’re someone else, 

Love like your doing your best, 

tell yourself to put it to rest, 

Love yourself like the rest. 

Love the pain that lives in your chest, 

use it to build your nest. 

Love thyself and take a breathe,  

learn to love life’s tests. 

I’m trying to love myself as much as the next, 

learn to self respect, 

Love as if there is a need to respect. 

Learn to win at your own contest. 

Love thyself like you wanna be held, 

Love like it needs to be yelled, 

then if no one will then do it yourself, 

don't undermind when mine is well, 

feel fine and be kind as well. 

Keep a smile in mind for this is not hell, 

Love thyself and time will tell. 

[zombeats93]

Fairly recent wurdz

When I think of us my chest gets tight

Stunned, but too numb to cry

This weight ain't light

And I don't think I have the fight

To try again with any alike

But life's not long so in my regrets

Are steps to accept what to forget

And what to think as best

Got you up there

Against the rest

What you meant

From a few times met

Is hard to accept

From laughs to upset

I cry whilst I write

Tears and ink mixed

Fears sink in in bits

I miss the space around you

I miss the fast paced memories not knowing what they'd amount to

[zombeats93]

Sorta unfinished recent wurdz

Infatuated,

Take me home and keep me lazy

Alone with my thoughts and that's what I fear the most.

Wholesome,

I wanna be.

Back in the darkness of solid green

Grabbed and harnessed, I'm never clean.

I'll sleep in the shadows of the branch,

Cos your arms can't reach me.

Grown in a ready tread pathway so it's dirt I bleed

Off the thorns in your life I feed

Prickled in the skin that's now mine

I've grown into it but now I'm slipping down the hillside

Leaning on grass just to feel fine

No rocks hit on the way down

Your voice was in the wind but it's gone now

With others I stay close,

words, looks and forgotten notes.

Laugh like it's jokes,

But I'm broken,

Sewn seems drawn on with sharpie.

[zombeats93]

One of a few found poems I did for uni, using words and phrases from the fear and loathing book only in the order they appear in the story.

[zombeats93]

Another dump of previous scribbles

[zombeats93]

Through clasped lines

Faint grip,

Grasp it.

The position I've lost,

Fall in love at a cost,

A part of me is with you

But heartache feeds through

My art states some truth,

Each mark that is left I don't wanna lose

Telling each other what we've been through

Front page cover, my mind is smothered

Thinking it could be mutual.

Like fiction this is unusual

To list the beauty I see as crucial,

Life gives sweet samples, fruitful.

Clasped lips with teeth, I'm grateful

You're clasped in my dreams it's truthful.

I speak but I'm silent,

Hard to find words unless tightened

Into lines with feelings piled on.

Sunset rays make golden lines

Seen through ceiling window panes

But been loving the sound of rain.

I wish the train didn't claim my name

Like static sirens in my brain,

Which hurts to say

Than what I'd rather.

Hold onto the laughter

Cos who wants tears after

Special moments you can't buy,

Tokens of affection I can't describe,

A spectrum of love I didn't know I'd find.

[zombeats93]

Quick concrete poem done for a module;

To see a man you once admired pour his life away, to the point its expired. Anger fermented from years of leaving it in the bottle. Now each ones empty and you can't remember the words with which my throat you throttled. End of December you merged already with an attitude of being finished. Rather a new beginning but years are diminished. Should have shown us a clear example instead of feeding fear in samples. My tempers my own but my blood is yours. Full and plenty, I'm grown and been shown mud is pure. There's dirt for sure, in my mentality from what I saw. Cancel the charity, your life needs no applause. Morals on pause but the liquids still pouring. Leaving the youngest son of yours to carry the strength for four.

[zombeats93]

A dump of some recent scribbles

[zombeats93]

Dark Paths

How can it be

That exposure from a camera,

An object to form a memoir,

Provides light.

But all I was exposed to while young

Brings harshness to my life.

What people know as sex

I didn't know what I was seeing

Not to mention the rest

The violent person I'd now met.

Tell me to be a man then be one yourself

Let me be cathartic,

Try and lecture me when life is what art is.

Carry my sun into the darkness,

I won't let my son get the same heart given

Or taken, like this painting, you smudged it

You've fucked it.

The oil won't dry and the fumes are toxic,

Grease stained past pathways

Gets duller but mainly remains the same.

In my life I've made changes

But I carry the burden along with me,

At least you didn't pass along the label.

But my stability was never cradled,

I had to push away the past until I was able

To communicate the path that made me.

[zombeats93]

Tears on a train

Stinging.

Like the air needs clearing

But I can't find the gap

Nevermind the gap in the words I'm hearing

Told to breathe but how can I, when my chest is shut off

Shut down, no lights on.

Fight or flight I'm flooding.

I'm 40 mils in to end it of bensedin

Trying to wait for that numb state to bring

Clearness and fearless but I still feel this

Stear clear of the heavier when the weights

already killing,

Conflicted feelings

So collided, gone through each other

See the worst parts of each other.

Feel the hearts of each other

Eyes colliding passing each other

My alignments of treating each other

Moments of intimacy until losing...

[zombeats93]

Tell a person your life,

But leave out parts you don't like.

One pour at a time

Let's fill our cups,

I heard the world's on pause

And I'll drink to that.

Cast in foil,

Look strong but crumble easily.

Look strong.

Look.strong.

Even if I don't, I think I should keep going.

I've made it this far

In reality, how much longer.

Chapters have finished fast

What will the next one bring

Carry this thing

What is it

A bag of bricks with a heart at the bottom.

I'll dig my pit and start from the bottom.

I've always been on the inside looking out

But now I need to be outside to look within.

What is my skin

A mix of lead and cotton.

My mind's an unwanted tennant

But my brain can't tell them

It's a Rotten presence.

[zombeats93]

Too naive to say bye and leave, 

You chose greed and let your children see. 

Throw in some wrath to match lust and gluttony, 

I buried my thoughts but they remain undead to me, 

Carry the torch that my brother left in the breeze, 

When we buried him next to the willow trees,  

Ash, birch and evergreen, 

Dry but silver and forever free. 

My lyrics speak for three 

Cos that's as many as it should be. 

And I'm still carrying it through 

All of you, all the crew,  

Even if I love, hate, dis or just respect you. 

I still carry you through 

And some of you I'd rather no other 

But one of you I could bleed and cut further 

Further than the way we seen you beat our own mother 

I love her and you were supposed to too. 

Now the other I carry him alone  

My brother who never messed his tone  

Now left before grown, left me and I broke. 

If I say it, I'll choke on memories, 

Forever we'll be, taking tokes and making shitty jokes 

Left with the taste of sugar and smoke, 

Sugar for the sweet times and smoke for the rough.  

Sensitive but tough, 

Sleeves cuffed cos I work enough 

Mentally I've worked enough. 

Mentally I'll take the cusp, 

Eventually I hate the love.

[zombeats93]

Sometimes while I lie at night, I open my eyes just to see if I'm still alive. 

Turning green and old, looking mean and mouldy, 

thinking about the lives I’ve loved and the paths that have crossed me. 

The regrets I’ve resolved and the ones I still hide. 

My bones are not great but what’s good is inside. 

Held together by skin that’s tough to burn,  

heat doesn’t listen but with blood I learn. 

Though with pain, I don’t cut... I do cry. 

[zombeats93]

Benzopain 

 

Last night I saw your face, 

In my dreams your hugs still live, 

Your heavy embrace. 

You'd aged but haven't we both. 

 

I wish this were the case, 

But in mortality's race, 

There's no winner.. just chased. 

I miss it, happiness I can still taste. 

 

You told me it's fine, I am you. 

But your shoulders aren't mine,  

who were you, in my mind so healthy. 

But who am I to sign away your desires. 

 

Blue grey lips and lyrical splatter, 

Fond memories of bonds scattered. 

I'll replay what matters, connect the scart, 

I'm left battered like your bunch of art. 

 

Screwed up paper for your brain,  

My guess is it's later you'll pay? 

My heart's still ticking away 

Until we're gathered as one someday. 

[zombeats93]

I've felt your breathing,

I've felt it change

Like a stream turning into a river flowing into an ocean of dreams.

I've felt your breathing,

Caught it on my chest

Like sailboats slowing to dock, I'll rock you asleep.

I let you sleep,

Counting hairs instead of sheep.

I lie awake, searching for the words I want to speak.

I let you sleep,

There's nothing to change.

I'm free in this world, currently flowing in the stream.

[zombeats93]

Who we are

I am;

The best parts of you but better,

Yet the past still has me het up,

Some heart's from you but mostly my mother.

You hurt me but not with leather,

I could blame you for the bad weather.

But that's cold and I am better.

You are;

The worst parts of me but defeated.

You grit your teeth when you're seething,

I only do it when I'm sleeping.

Ripped memories and broken pieces,

With this I could write a whole thesis,

But it hurts to even breathe this.

[zombeats93]

Let go and be with mother Earth

Expect nothing and all good things will be prizes.

Suspect nothing and you won't care who wears diguises.

For what we despise there's thrice as much we admire.

So in spite of my faith in life I'll give air to my fire.

I require a lake to bathe for this place is unclean,

To wash away the fake face and leave the tainted unseen.

Vacate the scene of society to remove the grin you wear.

I forget there's a priority to prove mine to show that I care.

When in reality the trees of Gaia are the only arms I need around me.

Her delicate leaves, tired but calm, stroke my cheek gently.