This is sadness. It is an ocean overflowing. Yet, no place to go.
Occassionally,
I find it washing over me.
like the tide coming, the ebb withdrawing
all at mercy of the moon
or the tectonic plates shifting - stacking above each other as high as the Alpes or tearing apart to new maritime valleys.
But after nearly three decades
it seems it has not learned me a thing other than
pain simply is.
and that it connotates a loss
From anger I know, it teaches that boundaries were crossed
From fear what it is that is important to me.
but pain? That I once loved you or simply an idea of you?
Nothing new. I know that of course/ already.
Why do I need to feel this hurt
when I already know that it is there
when I already know of what I've lost (again)?
How often must it well up inside me like an ocean until it subsides- Ceases to wash over me.
If it were a bathtub I would drain it but it is the ocean.
you cannot drain the ocean.
Some days I fight every wave, the current
on others I wait as it comes and it goes once more
I fulfill my own prophecy, being all pale and blue
But, you know you can take everything, and I will rebirth myself.
Again and again if I must.