Collectively, we decided we should respond to the former President's sex scandal by talking about how fat Monica was.
If you ever feel that nothing is changing for the better, sometimes it helps to look back and cringe at the way we treated Monica Lewinsky after her affair with Bill Clinton was revealed. Because the way she was treated is profoundly cringeworthy.
Bill Clinton was recently asked by Craig Melvin on NBCās Today whether he felt he owed Monica an apology in light of the #MeToo movement. He replied:
āI apologized to everybody in the world.ā
āBut you didnāt apologize to her,ā Melvin said.
āI have not talked to her,ā Clinton said.
āDo you feel like you owe her an apology?ā Melvin asked.
āNo, I do ā I do not.ā
Hereās the thing about that, āeveryone in the worldā did not suffer the way Monica did when the affair between her and the then President came to light. Bill Clinton certainly didnāt suffer the way Monica did. In fact, sometimes it seems like pretty much everyone in the world owes Monica an apology.
No one thinks that Monica made a great choice when she slept with Bill Clinton. Sleeping with a married man is generally very stupid. But Monica was hardly the first 22-year-old to fall for her married boss. Itās estimated that 15 percent of women have slept with their boss. Which is certainly not a cause for celebration, but, well, Monica wasnāt married. It seems like if anyone should be publicly shamed in these situations, itās the person who broke their marriage vows.
That was not the way it played out. Hereās a sampling of jokes made about Monica Lewinsky around that time:
From Jay Leno: āMonica Lewinsky has gained back all the weight she lost last year. I believe thatās the cover story in Newsweek. In fact, she told reporters she was even considering having her jaw wired shut, but then, nahāshe didnāt want to give up her sex life.ā
From Craig Kilborn: āTonight I was switching back and forth between the new Monica Lewinsky show Mr. Personality on Fox and CSI: Miami on CBS, and I swear for a split-second I caught the worldās biggest chalk outline.ā
From David Letterman: āBush went to Wisconsin, to a Harley Davidson factory and rode a motorcycle. Itās the biggest thing a President has ridden since ā¦ I just canāt bring myself to throw that joke away.ā
Those guys werenāt Internet trolls, who can be expected to make fun of womenās appearances because theyāre horrible human beings. They were beloved, famous comedians.
I hope today it feels mystifying that numerous people heard the President had an affair and decided that the best possible way to respond was to make fun of the woman he had it with for being fat. But it wasnāt mystifying at the time. Thereās a passage in Chuck Klostermanās I Wear The Black Hat when he describes a friendās reaction upon first hearing about Clintonās affair. She stated, āI could almost understand if he had done it with Sharon Stone, but not with this fat pig.ā That was a self-described feminist talking in 1998.
The things that we decided to mock Monica relentlessly for are, in fact, pretty common. At a size 12, Monica was below the size of an average American woman (which is a 16). She gave blowjobs? Well, so do 74 percent of women in their 20ās.
The aspects of her life Monica was mocked most for didnāt really have to do with the particulars of her affairāit had to do with the fact that she was a woman in the public eye who was both sexually active and not a size 2. One of these things, society seemed to have decided, might be acceptable. But not both. If a woman was both, she would be shamed for it on a daily basis.
Meanwhile, on Good Morning America, hosts were wondering, regarding Bill Clinton, whether thereās something āalmost sexy about a man who can get away with things over and over again?ā Bill Clinton left office with an approval rating of 65 percent, higher than any President since Truman.
Monica Lewinsky became suicidal following the media onslaught. No one would employ her. Charities didnāt want her to even volunteer.
Societally, we seemed to collectively decide that Bill Clinton should be offered a free pass to āget away with thingsā and his partner in the affair should, if not die, at least be made to disappear from society completely. Because she was slightly plump and gave blowjobs.
That is something that should inspire shame not in Monica, but in everyone who took part in the bullying of Monica Lewinsky.
Monica herself has moved on from it. Sheās a dedicated anti-bullying activist, creating great PSAs about cyber bullying and working with groups like the Bystander Revolution. Her TED Talk on bullying is now taught in schools. She didnāt disappear, and thank goodness for that.
But while Bill Clinton owes her an apologyāwell, heās not the only one.
