zxrysky-writes

author who writes fanfiction and original stories; ask/submission is open for prompts! kofiwidget2.init('Buy Me a Coffee', '#46b798', 'A7252VJA');kofiwidget2.draw();

[zxrysky-writes]

i think i miss you more when you’re not here;

i feel the negative space of you,

the parts where i used to fit before i out-

grew you.

i think i miss you more when you’re gone;

because all i have of you now is a memory

and my memory has never been great,

so whatever i have left of you

must have been the greatest part of you.

[zxrysky-writes]

what if i died tomorrow and you couldn’t dig my grave up what if i died yesterday and all you saw of me today was a ghost what if i died today and you found out when you came home what if i found out i wanted to live the moment my heart stopped what if i fought to live what if i lived what then

[zxrysky-writes]

i miss you, i have to say it, or it’ll choke me up from within

i miss you, i never told you, and i never thought i would, but now you’re years behind me and i can’t find the imprint you left on my soul in the mirror

i miss you, and my breath stutters every time i sit in the spot we used to sit, and my heart trips like it’s walking on a tight wire that’s about to snap

i miss you, but i don’t think you’ll like the person i’ve become

[zxrysky-writes]

wonder if you miss me the way i miss you in the fragments of your breath in the space between the lines that we wrote in the millimetres between our fingertips that i could never conquer i miss you and i miss the things we did and i miss myself from back then most of all

[zxrysky-writes]

20

when i am older, i used to think,

i would turn into someone else.

like a caterpillar’s metamorphosis,

pulling me out of myself.

but what is fate if not predestined;

a novel if not read;

a life if not lived; or

a tree if not heard?

dust creaks in my bones,

piling up in untouched fairy tales.

the girl who lived happily ever after

lies buried beneath my fingernails.

if the girl in the tale lived now,

forgoing her finished story;

the pages of the book would flip open,

her words in bloody allegory.

she doesn’t bite the apple.

she doesn’t hide in the woods.

she doesn’t run from the castle.

she stands in the throne room.

the clock hits midnight;

the bells start ringing;

a wanted poster is put up,

saying cinderella’s gone missing.

land beckons like a siren,

but the ocean’s call is sweeter.

a trident is hefty in her grip,

and a crown is heavy on her head.

if aurora could choose, maybe

she wouldn’t be born at all.

because what’s a life worth living

if you know how you fall?

now i dip my hands into the silt,

beneath the surface of the river.

then you drag me from the water,

and time trickles between my fingers.

one of my greatest fears is being left alone

but growing old comes a second close.

[zxrysky-writes]

“it burns like bile at the back of your throat; when your stomach is empty, lunch already thrown out, all that’s left is acid. ringing echoes in your ears and your vision blurs. i always knew i was an easy crier but goddamn, it feels pathetic”

— excerpts from stories i’ll never write

[zxrysky-writes]

growing pains

when i

      was nine my best friend started

growing older than me, though

we were    

     born beneath the same moon,

in rooms right next to each other, miliseconds 

     apart. her wrists grew bony and

her knees knocked against mine every time   

    she moved. she put her hand

in mine and whispered that the boy in   

    the next classroom over was kinda, sorta, 

maybe just a little cute. i thought she was daft 

   since boys at that age were filthy shits, but we    

hit fourteen and she turned

   bright pink everytime a boy smiled at   

her. we turned sixteen and she

   had her first date at the movies with me   

sitting one row behind to ascertain no

   funny business happened when the lights went low.   

we turned seventeen and she slipped her hand 

   into the larger grip of the       

boy she liked, and i held her hair

   back after she puked when alcohol disagreed with   

the lining of her stomach. i

   tried to find what was so great about all  

those boys she liked, with angled

   jaws & shy smiles & sweaty palms and i       

came up empty. i swam quietly

   in the ocean, waiting every night for her       

to come home safely to the flat

   we shared. i thought about all those boys       

i had ever known, even the one

   who tried to press his lips awkwardly to mine       

but all i could think of when i thought of my future, was her.

[zxrysky-writes]

interview nerves

confidence is a shackle around my ankles

&it makes my words stumble in my mouth

thoughts are leaving my mind in manacles

plodding quietly, head low, down south 

my mother told me to take my time

let the syllables round out in the spaces

between my teeth till the bell chime

rang in my ears. these things are races 

where the tortoise will never win, with

his slow rolling speech that washes over

me in waves; the rabbit’s a wordsmith

&he babbles on & there is no closure.

[zxrysky-writes]

“it’s really hard not to be one of those overused trope and cliché, a moon-crazed, heart pounding romantic with flowers in their hands and starlight in their hair but goddamn, you’re cute.”

— zxrysky-writes

[zxrysky-writes]

prometheus

loneliness is a beast

that settles inthe curve 

of my palm, lingers 

between;

the silver of skin 

from one finger to

the next, curls up in the

base of my throat and

stoppers my lungs;

it wraps itself 

around my ankles

and i am shackled 

to a rock with

an eagle on the horizon

gleaming talons ready

to scrape at my liver.

[zxrysky-writes]

christmas miracle

it feels like this:

a storm brewing, the salty wind tumbling into your sweat streaked skin as you stand on the edge of the crow’s nest, a scarf wrapped around your throat and your eyes squeezed half close as you look out into the horizon. the boat rocks beneath you, a gentle sway that bucks into a wave crashing over the sides and your heart leaps into your throat as you grip the wood with wet palms.

 your fingers slip. you miss. you fall.

 it feels like this:

gravity does not work for you. you grip the edges of the bar and there is a whistling in the emptiness of your skull as you swing, the collective breaths of the audience all held in the middle of their throats as they watch, words tucked beneath tongues pressed against teeth as they wait. when the music swells, all you can hear is the flutter of your eyelashes against your cheekbones and you let go, hands uncurling from the bar and for one breathless moment, there is nothing holding you down.

 you open your eyes. you breathe. you fly.

 it feels like this:

your blood throbs so fast in your veins you think it might be gold flowing under your skin, brilliant ichor glistening in the sun against your temple as you raise your bow, the string catching the edge of broken calluses on your index finger and you hiss out a bitten off curse. the gauntlets bite into the skin on your forearms and the straps of the breastplate are all stained with mud; grains of dirt seep into the hinges and your body groans when you pull your arrow back.

 you let go. you watch. you live.

 it goes like this:

on christmas morning, you lie awake in bed. sunlight filters in through the window in fits and spurts; the curtain blows out, and you see dustmotes circling the air above you like a cheap angel’s halo. there is a sigh sitting in the base of your throat, just waiting for you to let it out and your fingers reach out for your phone. merry christmas, you think, and consider sending it to the person occupying your thoughts. you open your phone. the message from him is already lying there for you to see.

 your heart stops, flutters, and kickstarts with the force of a stampeding parade of elephants.

[zxrysky-writes]

too easy to forgive

dappled sunlight dances through my front door

it’s so brightly colored i falter

in my steps towards the kitchen  

the door is wide open even if i remember

slamming it shut just the day before

the hinges rattling against the frame

so sharply it felt like my body

would fall apart along with it

it feels like every joke

that fell flat between us;

every off-bitten curse to hide our frustrations;

every laugh we forced through our perfect lips

 i stare at the gold dripping into

the entrance of my house, the copper  

traipsing the same path as stubborn vines

you are very easy to forgive

even if forgiveness sits sour

on the tip of my tongue

[zxrysky-writes]

it burns like bile at the back of your throat; when your stomach is empty, lunch already thrown out, all that’s left is acid. ringing echoes in your ears and your vision blurs. i always knew i was an easy crier but goddamn, it feels pathetic

excerpts from stories i’ll never write

[zxrysky-writes]

the betrayal of a god

my parents set me down once,

looked me in the eye and told me,

in halting breaths, to do my best.

In everything, they said, and spread

their arms so wide, i thought

their palms could encompass the

world, their backs could carry the

sky, their fingers could touch the

stars. what they didn’t tell me

was that not everyone’s parents

told them the same thing.

 and in the end, i’m the one stuck with the sky on my back

[zxrysky-writes]

i don’t reply to comments on ao3 but to anyone who reads my stuff from there and follows me, i hope you know that each and every comment means a lot to me and always brightens my day! thank you so much ^^

[zxrysky-writes]

things i want to say

sometimes i just

   run out of words

to describe you with

   you leave me speechless

struck absolutely dumb

   by your accidental callousness

[zxrysky-writes]

it’s a bitter jealousy exploding in the neuroses of my brain; an unhinged emotion leaking from the centre of twitching fingers. i want to roll up all the sour hate in my body and fling it at you. you like sour stuff, right? take all of my bitterness. and please, darling, choke on it.

excerpts from stories i’ll never write