My thoughts on Pranās dealing with his feelings for Pat
In ep 4 we could see Pran getting hurt seeing Pat chasing after Ink but still he didnāt show a jealous reaction like he wasnāt being moody or hurtful to Pat, he kept being his usual self like when Pat choose to model for ink instead of helping at the Bus stop like he promised he would, Pran didnāt blame him or ask him to explain himself he just accepted it, Pat came to give him his dinner and wanted to give him medicine for his shoulder and he let him in, and that is how they got to enjoy that sweet moment between them.
That made me think that this is how Pran has always dealt or maybe now chooses to deal with his feelings for Pat, he has accepted that this is all he is allowed to have, he has no right to ask for more and so he just enjoys every sweet moment he gets with him and keeps his heartbreak and frustration to himself, like when he was playing rugby and imagined his opponent as Pat or when Pat confessed he likes Ink and he just silently cried while looking sweetly and lovingly at Patās sleeping face. And yet the next morning he acted like his usual contained self and enjoyed his sweet interactions once again with that oblivious Pat.
He was addicted and could neither move on or confess So the best choice was to pretend and have at least these sweet moments for him to go by.
Patās actions towards him have always confused him ( like maybe he feels something, maybe he cares more than he lets on) yet he didnāt confronted him about it before not until ep 5 when Pat almost revealed their friendship in front of his best friend Wai and that is when he lost it because for Pran even though Wai could never compare to Pat but he is still his first close friend the one his mother allowed him to have and he cherished their friendship a lot so having Pat acting that way and jeopardizing it, Pran finally snapped and asked Pat about why he was always acting this way with him? what does he mean by this ? He already told him he likes Ink so why let him have hope? Why act like you care when you donāt? Pran told him we are not a thing since the way you act is how a lover would and then went on that they could not even be described as friends so he really needs to stop being this way with him but against all odds Pat revealed what Pran never dared to hope for ⦠that even though they were raised to be ennemies, Pat never could feel hatred towards him, even though he was the reason he had so much pressure and expectations from his father he still didnāt know how to hate him, he just missed him and felt lonely while he was gone.
Here, Pat who is the kind of person to befriend anyone, to enjoy being social, joking and having fun with the people around felt depressingly lonely because he lost Pran, lost the person he always focused on, the person he was indebted to yet should always be better than And the idiot never questioned it, never thought about it or tried to make sense of it ⦠and I think it is because to him Pran was never someone to love but someone to fight, Pran was a boy and he (Pat) liked girls throughout his teenage years so this too made him never think that he could have romantic feelings for the boy he missed so much.
But remember when Pat thought that it was a girl next door that gave him the tea and tried to flirt with her, he found out that it was Pran, by then he was still oblivious so he just laughed it off, but then he realized something He wrote the note as a He and Pran still came up to the rooftop to meet him, he teased him a bit about it and didnāt show much interest in the matter but I guess he came to realize that Pran could like other boys and that did change something maybe without him realizing it himself.
Afterwards he teased him from time to time like when they were playing rugby and he told him if he (Pran) was afraid of people thinking he was flirting with him since they are talking together and again when he told him that if he is going to hold him this tight he better make him his boyfriend maybe this is just guys comfortably teasing each other but I doubt it.
Going back to the rooftop confession, I think Pat was still trying to understand what he was feeling, he came to realize that he maybe in love with Pran, a boy and the child of his parentās ennemies.
He felt attraction, jealousy and a need to be with him, to take care of him and tease him.
He needed to make sure that what he was feeling was indeed love and see if it was requited.
When Pran finally asked him if he missed him as a friend if he wanted them to be friends, he at last had his answer and he was sure of it no he didnāt want the boy in front of him to be his friend, he wanted him to be his, he wanted everything, a relationship, to have the right to be with him, kiss him, tease him and make him laugh, complain to him and have him comfort him and also be there for him.
So he took a step forward and Pran did the same, he (Pat) looked at his teary eyes and confident as he is he felt it was right to make his move.
He kissed him softly on the lips, it was a sweet kiss just testing the waters just making sure the other person wanted this. He didnāt dare to take more.
But that kiss made everything clear in his mind.
Pran was not expecting this turn of events, it was almost like he was no longer in control, he really broke down and let go of his walls, he couldnāt help himself, even without being sure of Patās feelings for him, what about ink? What about him (Pran) being a boy? Even while thinking of their families and their feud, he just could not stop himself for going for an other kiss and this time it was full of longing and yearning it was a hungry kiss both wanted to convey how they were feeling at the moment, all their torn emotions and their helplessness.
And so after that kiss, Pat as impulsive and straightforward as he is was happy to finally confirm his feelings and know that Pran may feel the same too and Pran was just so devastated by what just happened, he never thought he would loose control like that, he couldnāt process what just happened, his feelings were all over the place and so he chose to run away and build his walls again because he was afraid. When it was just him, he could deal with it, hide it and just enjoy the bittersweetness of it but now he doesnāt know what to do, he knows Pan is a honest person but he also knows he is impulsive and could not be sure if what Pat felt for him is the same as He was feeling. There is also Wai and their friends and theirs faculties. Most of all there is their families so would it be worth it? is what they have worth it ? I think these were his thoughts afterwards.