tabula rasa

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

[fumi08110811]

[a-la-recherche]

Été 2023

Nikon F3, Kodak Portra 160

gencrenaz.com

[bbybluemochi]

Farewell, my love.

[another illustration i did for the lesbian fairytale im working on]

[clickclackboombap]

Cheers for beers and mountain views like these

[leahberman]

clover dew

[jung-koook]

jungkook x fifa world cup behind

[photosbygriffin]

Fog in the distance

[jung-koook]

jimin x wkorea fashion film 02

[dikotur]

[jung-koook]

jimin for w korea

[-apple]

what no one told me about getting engaged

Two nights ago my boyfriend of 7 years proposed to me! I thought it was going to be the best night of my life. One of those core memories where I look back and say I was truly so happy. Yet, I had severe anxiety and a huge pit in my stomach the whole time. I was happy but at the same time I remember thinking “why am I not that happy” like all of those other women who post about how this is the happiest day of their lives.

I will say right now that I cannot imagine myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else but him. I love him so endlessly and this anxiety has nothing to do with him or how our relationship is. It is such a healthy and functional happy relationship. I am over the moon that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. Yet, there is this piece of me inside that is screaming and freaking the fuck out. 

It is no surprise by now that I have an avoidant attachment style. Independence and not needing anyone has always made me feel safe. I don’t like being pictured with anyone or seen as reliant on others. The word “fiance” just scares me. I feel my skin crawl when I think about it and the first time I couldn’t even look down at my ring. I was just in shock. Yet, when he got on his knee and proposed my eyes were filled with tears of joy and love. I did not know I would ever experience someone’s love or feel cared for. Deep down all I want is to be cared for. For someone to care about my emotions, my thoughts, and my interests (things I never got from my parents). Now I have this amazing partner and he’s saying he wants to commit to me for life. This isn’t a surprise of course after 7 years, this is what we’ve talked about for years. He is my one and my best friend. Everything we’ve done was for each other. 

I guess I’m just writing this to let people know that not everyone will have the same reaction. There is also such a weight on women to have a specific reaction that they see on Instagram. That is not reality. Not everyone has a healthy relationship with commitment. 

[jung-koook]

HES SO GORGEOUS

[virtuallyinsane]

Rock Staar

[flyingiseasy-landingnotsomuch]

Oregon Coast Views

[puntoo]

"The white hawk"

Cit. Dango

[yoyoyopt]

[miser-catulle]

study from reference, ft. a young griffith