It’s because I’m hurt okay? I’ve legitimately tried to move on so many fucking times. But I can’t okay? I’m disappointed in myself that you moved on like the day after we broke up yet I still miss it months later. In no way am I trying to guilt you into anything. I talk mess because I’m still fucking heartbroken. I’m not saying you’re the cause of this bc you aren’t. But I act the way I do towards you because I think if I pretend that I hate you then I’ll eventually move on. I “treat you horribly” in person bc it like actually hurts my heart to see you. And yes, I still have feelings but not necessarily a crush. More like wow, that’s the kid who loved me and I loved, and wow he’s got his arms around another girl. I’m not saying I like you, and I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’ve actually never told anybody this. This is why I go to you for advice with this stuff and I get hurt when you just tell me the same things, because I have some twisted thought that maybe you’ll still care the way I do. And that’s why I always apologize for this, because I don’t know whether or not it hurts you but I sure as hell don’t want it to. I’m messed up if I think that hurting you is the way to get over you, or hurting myself is the answer to anything. And my lord, I hate seeing you with her, that’s why I always bring it up; because I remember crying to my best friend about how I’ll never be as good as Her and you’ll eventually replace me with her because i had heard the stories about how much you used to like her and it always made me insecure. None of this justifies my actions at all but I needed to get this all of my chest, and who knows maybe it’ll be my closure so I can move on.
izzy806
prguitarman
ellievsbear
baratheonpilled
snowghoul
2087
theartofmadeline
