The only magic I have known, I've created myself.

Riley. They/Them. 27. Twin Cities.

[feefal]

Cheating is a bad thing 4 sure, but I just feel like there’s so many worse things you can do in a relationship that don’t nearly get talked about enough. Like pressuring your partner to have kids - god that’s the worst criminal offense

[ieategosforbrekfast-deactivated]

I was gonna say something in the replies but seeing the other replies made me very very annoyed so I'm going to go on an impromptu rant about abuse for just a moment.

Every single person in the notes saying "cheating is emotional abuse" are not only making a very generalised statement about a nuanced topic, they're also fucking stupid.

I consider myself an Abusive Relationship Expert after being in one to many abusive relationships as a teen. While cheating CAN be emotional abuse, there is so much more to it than that. There are so many reasons why someone may cheat, there are so many ways in which a person can cheat, and there are so many ways a person can act after cheating. All y'all saying "cheating is emotional abuse" are looking at a very specific kind of cheating and assuming that's the standard.

I'm going to tell y'all a secret. I have cheated on someone, just once. In high school I was dating this guy who I was having a very rough relationship with. We had just recently broken up for a short period of time, and in said short period of time I was dating my current fiance. But because of my extreme codependency and fear of change, I found myself back in a relationship with the first guy. But the twist was that he was actually abusing me! So I cheated on him with a guy who treated me better (who I am now engaged to).

I was desperately trying to get out of an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship and in doing so cheated on the guy who was abusing me. Does that make me an abuser too?

I'm going to tell y'all another secret: saying that cheating is always "emotional abuse" helps abusers.

One tactic that abusers use that is rarely, if ever, talked about is accusing their victim of cheating on them. They use it as an excuse to control and isolate their victim, and as a means of guilt tripping their victim. Even if there is no evidence of cheating, the abuser can become violent over the perceived disloyalty. Both myself and my mom have been subject to this tactic. By saying "cheating is emotional abuse" you provide a justification for abusers who use this tactic, you're giving them something they can point to and say "see, I'm not abusive! I'm being abused!"

So yes, cheating is often a bad thing that people do because they suck. But it's not as black and white as that and you have to be willing to judge each situation individually. Blanket generalizations never help anyone, especially when those generalizations are about abuse.

[feefal]

Thanks for sharing this, you said it way better than I could! It really is a nuanced topic.

So happy to hear you ended up with a loving partner :)

[100gayrats]

I wish I wasn't such a nostalgic person. Or at least didn't feel nostalgia as deeply as I do when I do. There are so many people who are no longer in my life, that I can't help but to wish I could have another conversation with. People who I still want to check on and see if they're ohkay. People who I haven't spoken to in years, but that I want to jump back into conversation with like we just met up last week. I miss nearly everyone I've been close to real hard several times a year but will never know how any of them are doing.

[coffeeseed]

God, I can't tell you how much the "there's not enough enrichment in my enclosure" joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can't comprehend, pretending that I'm a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like "Your head gets screwey when you're apartment is messy" just doesn't carry as much resonance as "The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered" because then I'll be like, no shit? The tiger? I've gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.

[100gayrats]

It's my birthday today. I really hate that my parents aren't here to see who I am now and how my life has turned out.

[hauntedomens]

important affirmations!!

instagram / prints!!

[100gayrats]

Anyways my exes mom is out here at fucking midnight harassing me about the break up between my ex and I and dead ass dead named me so thats cool.

Imagine being a grown woman harassing someone half your age about a breakup from OVER A YEAR AGO

[alisonzai]

bee real, my senior thesis

[yourbigsisnissi]

People often mistake “your feelings are valid” with “your reaction based on your feelings is ok”

Which isn’t the same thing

You’re entitled to how you feel. You’re not entitled to behave however you want based off of those feelings

[sapatonalizei]

[centtury]

[997]

me when i get a taste of my own personality thru someone else:  GOD i can not STAND them

[100gayrats]

In hindsight, I know now that I fucking hated them.

[ohbutwebestmakepeacewithit]

[toasty-cowboy]

March has some fucking nerve showing it’s face around here again

[toasty-cowboy]

Everyone in the tags:

[100gayrats]

My girlfriend and I are going to look at an RV tomorrow and even if this isn't the one, I'm stoked to be starting our journey of finding our travel home (':

[comingoutofthecauldron]

stop telling your teenage daughters who say they don't want kids that they'll change their mind

[weirdqueeraltkid-deactivated202]

reblog the shit outta this

[morriganwarrior]

I haven't been a teenager in over a decade. Mind has yet to change on the subject.

At 14, I told my guidance counselor that I didn't want kids. He chuckled, patted me on the back, and informed me that when I got a little older, and I was with a guy, I would change my mind.

At 16, my grandmother nearly had a heart attack because of her three granddaughters, myself and the youngest agreed we didn't want to uave babies. Ever.

At 17, my father asked about my life plan. I told him: graduate high school, get my college degree, do some traveling and writing, go for this particular job I wanted, retired around X age, take month-long vacations to places I wanted to spend time in, etc. He asked, "What about a husband? Children? Normal things a girl is supposed to think about?" My response- a husband if a man came along that could share an adventure with me, kids were a No Go. He assured me I would 'grow up' qnd change my mind.

At 19, I shocked my former babysitter who had known me since I was a toddler, when I confirmed the rumour she'd heard that I didn't want kids. She patted my mom's arm and reassured her in a sweet voice that, "Don't worry, girls say a lot of silly things before they meet the right fella, and wise up. She'll give you grand babies"

At 22, I was talking to a college professor who chuckled at my making a comment about how, "thank goodness I'm never going to have to worry about juggling child rearing eith marriage, work, and life", then she realized I was serious. She asked if I was alright, thinking I could-not (not didn't-want) kids. I told her the truth, could have but didn't want to. She was aghast, then told me that I'd change my mind when my husband wanted some kids.

Well, I'm over 30, still have absolutely no desire to give birth, adopt, raise, or have much of anything to do with children. I don't hate children, I don't think people who have them are crazy (more power to you, to create and/or care for another person), and I don't think it's impossible to have a life AND have children. I recognized at an early age that I don't have that biological imperative to procreate, I don't have the patience to deal with children (something that has shown very little improvement as I've gotten older, in fact it might be getting worse), and I don't feel my life is incomplete without creating another life- I am good with living my own and doing my best to enrich the lives of those I care about (I try my best to be a good friend, to be a good sister, good daughter, good pet-owner, and a good person in general).

So please, please stop telling girls (or really kids at all, but especially girls) that they will change their minds. Please don't tell them that meeting 'the right guy' will make them suddenly feel broody, that their potential future husband's desire to have children will make her reconsider and see things his way. For one, a couple should have had that conversation and decided if it was a deal breaker, LONG before they got hitched. For another, it's her body that gets to grow and birth another human being- her husband's desire to be a father doesn't supercede her autonomy.

Please, let girls make their own choices? Girls are forced to mature too fast as it is and are bombarded from all sides with SHOULD (you SHOULD be a size 2, you SHOULD wear this dress, you SHOULD have a boyfriend to be a normal teen, you SHOULD always smile), they don't need another judgement from someone who hasn't walked a mile in their particular shoes. Respect teenage girls and their ability to look at the world, themselves, their situation, and their future, and make an important choice.

*gets off soap box, slides it back under the sofa, lets out a sigh*

Thanks for attending my TED talk. G'night.

[jojordan]

The intimacy of being listened to.