i am once again asking you to go cry about it

i ❤️ wasting peoples time

[t00thpasteface]

i was talking about this on my server earlier but i really think "cozy" is one of the worst genre labels out there in the gaming space. like people dunk on the terms "metroidvania" and "first person shooter" a lot for being uncreative or limiting but at least those are like... falsifiable descriptors. you can look at a game and go "yeah this game's mechanics and core gameplay loop generally operate like metroid/castlevania" or "yeah this game primarily uses a first person camera paired with some sort of projectile weapon" so i don't think they're completely useless. but "cozy" is just nonsense. fully subjective. i see a lot of games popularly labeled as "cozy" that share almost zero mechanical features between them and don't even always match in tone or aesthetic. hearing a game described as "cozy" doesn't tell you anything about what to expect as a player beyond maybe giving you a sort of forewarning about the fanbase and their discomfort tolerance. "cozy" is not a quantifiable metric. like imagine if someone offered to buy you takeout and asked you what kind of food you'd like and you told them fully unironically, and with no further elaboration, "i want to get yummy food." that's what hearing "cozy games" sounds like to me

[t00thpasteface]

i especially chafe at the way "cozy games" just seems like a "woke" way to say "girl games" and conflate certain game mechanics or aesthetics with a non-cis/het/male identity (to equally useless effect from a buyer's pov). gender stereotyping by any other name is still gender stereotyping. i'm not cis het or male, but i've spent decades enjoying pvp shooters and feel bored to tears by cutesy cottagecore farming sims. and i find those pvp shooters very "cozy" to play, too! @_@;

[11-angry-bees]

we need to learn the difference between death threats and death wishes because They Are Not The Same Thing

Death Wishes are like. "I hope you get hantavirus and die" or "I hope you get hit by a bus and die". The person saying this does not control whether or not this actually happens (except in like. Incredibly unlikely circumstances.)

A Death Threat is more like "I know where you live and I am going to kill you with a gun". It doesnt really matter if the person who says this is lying, because they do actually control whether or not this actually happens.

[suncaptor]

linked tree (includes options to donate to Ghanaian projects)

petition to show support

[homoidiotic]

portraits featured in FTM: female-to-male transsexuals in society by Devor, Aaron H. 1997 read here

[spikybee]

I hate how nonbinary and trans intersex people are left out of trans discussion.

We can’t be sorted into TMA or TME easily, so people who use those labels tend to sort us based on our assigned sex.

Labels commonly used by intersex trans people are called useless.

Nonbinary people aren’t even included in trans rights posts half the time.

Intersex people are used as a way to prove that trans people exist.

Nonbinary people’s identities are disregarded and we are either considered basically just our assigned gender/sex, or basically a trans man/woman, depending on which thing makes us easier to hate or disregard.

It feels like binary and perisex trans people don’t give a shit about us, and it also seems like they don’t think the specific oppression we face is real. If they do, they don’t fucking talk about it.

Accepting and supporting trans people means accepting ALL trans people. Not just the binary ones, not just the perisex ones, not just the white ones, not just the abled ones, not just the ones you’re comfortable with. ALL OF US.

Talk about the lesser represented trans people, PLEASE. Talk about people with unconventional identities. You don’t support trans rights unless you support those of us with more complicated or conflicting identities.

[11-angry-bees]

Its interesting to me, how so many terfs feel entitled to the bodies of trans men. When I see terfshit, it reminds me of this one clip of this woman complaining about trans men getting top surgery. She goes on for a uncomfortably long time about how trans men will never have their breasts caressed or some other creepy shit like that.

Pro tip: other peoples bodies never exist for your sexual gratification.

When trans men talk about transandrophobia/transmisandry, this is a good example of just that.

Anyways if anyone knows the clip im talking about, do let me know. I think it was a ted talk, or a recording of some other conference. Now that I'm older, Im curious about who she is and why she thought it was okay to talk about other people in this way.

[transsexual-feminism]

Today I wanted to talk about Kyle Bassinga. Kyle was a 21 year old man from Georgia, whose family described him as "a kind, thoughtful, and smart young man who loved nature, music, and the people around him". Kyle Bassinga was killed on February 18th 2026, just ten days after his birthday. He was found hanging from a tree in a park.

The police ruled it a suicide. The family and local community demanded an investigation. The police refused to change their ruling.

I know this website it too white for this to really go anywhere, but an understanding of the present reality of white supremacy in the United States is just so important to transfeminism here. Lynchings never stopped, white supremacy never went away, you just stopped looking.

[duckbunny]

your twenties are not "late" to start hrt. that is a normal time to start hrt. your thirties are also a normal time to start hrt. your seventies are pretty late to start hrt, but not too late. like, statistically, that's at the end of the curve. but if you are not dead, it is not too late for hrt.

[quantumshade]

can we stop pretending that anyone assigned female at birth has some mystical connection to womanhood or lesbianism. it’s such a conservative outlook on identity i can’t believe we have to even pretend to entertain it.

[imjunebitch]

if u would take any issue with any sort of gender affirming care ur trans partner would want u shouldn't be dating a trans person btw!!!! if u would have any issue with ur transmasc partner getting a phalloplasty, stay tf away from trans ppl! if u would have any issue with ur transfem partner getting ffs, stay tf away from trans ppl! bodily autonomy is completely non-negotiable!

[dogwise]

PRACTICE URGE SURFING

[dogwise]

[teumessianandlaelaps]

Huh, didn't know there was a term for it. This explains why I haven't been drinking as much lately.

[nonbinary-wrath-month]

The reason why so many of y'all's feminism sucks is because you still believe deep down in your hearts that there are only two kinds of people in the world: precious, ethereal, fragile dollthings called "women", and violent, lustful, rage-fueled apes called "men". Until you throw that idea away, 3rd-grade-tier "girls rule boys drool, girls are princesses and boys are stinky :(" is as feminist as we'll ever get-- and I hope it's obvious that that's lightyears away from the bare minimum of where we need to be.

[overclockedopossum]

If you tell neurodivergent people they need to "get comfortable with being uncomfortable" I am putting gravel in your shoes. No you can't take the gravel out. You have to deal with it. Dealing with it makes you a better person. What do you mean "pointless suffering".

[11-angry-bees]

okay but sometimes that is the solution. a good portion of people are gonna be mad about this but sometimes improving your mental health takes actual work and it does make you uncomfortable.

as a personal anecdote, i have ptsd, which is also a form of neurodivergence (I am also audhd but thats besides the point). For reasons related to my ptsd, i started watching my family members while they were asleep, because i would get a terrible feeling that they were either dead or about to die. I also did this to my pets, who were not nearly as bothered by it as my siblings and parents. I would also use GPS to monitor locations, and if i looked at someones location and didnt know where they were, i would call them until they answered. I wasnt sleeping much, if at all, which made symptoms of all of my mental health issues worse. I had to have all curtains drawn at all times. I was an absolute paranoid nightmare to be around for several years, and the only reason I ended up in therapy for these things was because i got caught watching people sleep. You know. Like an actual literal nightmare scenario, waking up to a shadowy figure staring at you all unblinking like.

My therapist told me to, verbatim, get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and to ignore these impulses. It was not easy, but the struggle didn't last long, because my brain learned over the next week or so that nobody was actually in any danger and everything was fine.

Thats not to say I've been 'cured' of my issues- just that i no longer experience this one particularly distressing (not just to me, but also to the people around me) symptom.

TL;DR: 'neurodivergent' does not just mean autistic, and 'get comfortable with being uncomfortable' is useful to some people/in alleviating some symptoms

[overclockedopossum]

This post absolutely emcompasses stuff like PTSD too, OCD is another big one where you can train yourself out of it especially if you have suitable support but "get comfortable with being uncomfortable" is still shit advice.

The thing is you did not need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, something which is in fact by definition impossible.

You needed to get comfortable with loved ones being unmonitored.

As you describe, the therapy made it so that is no longer the source of distress that it was.

It did not do that as a result of you being uncomfortable. It did that as a result of you being able to observe that in fact, nothing bad was happening. It became clear not just to you intellectually, but to your instincts, that letting people be responsible for themselves was better.

Accepting discomfort for a good reason, when it can be expected to work out well and there's a clear way to show yourself that it worked out well, can reduce that discomfort (though if there are accomodations or gradual steps that alleviate it that often works better because the discomfort still isn't the goal).

On the other hand, people who expose themselves to pointless discomfort are likely to harm themselves and get worse. That's what the phrase implies and it's what the post is about. It's about people being made to feel that they have to do things equally as worthwhile as having gravel in their shoes.

The fact that your therapist happened to throw around a shitty catchphrase does not mean it's a well justified, instrumental part of your recovery.

[11-angry-bees]

I think your original post is poorly worded- which is fine, because nobody writes tumblr posts with the intention for them to spread as quickly as they do.

That being said, I'm not really seeing your angle that you're getting at. Yes, I needed to become comfortable with letting my loved ones be unmonitored, the thing that was causing my discomfort, and in order to do that, I needed to learn to sit with my impulses and my thoughts and ignore them. Like being able to ignore gravel in my shoes because I need to run away from like, a puma or something.

Forcing myself to sit with my discomfort was not pointless, but I don't think that this is a clear point in your original post.

[overclockedopossum]

If you tell neurodivergent people they need to "get comfortable with being uncomfortable" I am putting gravel in your shoes. No you can't take the gravel out. You have to deal with it. Dealing with it makes you a better person. What do you mean "pointless suffering".

[11-angry-bees]

okay but sometimes that is the solution. a good portion of people are gonna be mad about this but sometimes improving your mental health takes actual work and it does make you uncomfortable.

as a personal anecdote, i have ptsd, which is also a form of neurodivergence (I am also audhd but thats besides the point). For reasons related to my ptsd, i started watching my family members while they were asleep, because i would get a terrible feeling that they were either dead or about to die. I also did this to my pets, who were not nearly as bothered by it as my siblings and parents. I would also use GPS to monitor locations, and if i looked at someones location and didnt know where they were, i would call them until they answered. I wasnt sleeping much, if at all, which made symptoms of all of my mental health issues worse. I had to have all curtains drawn at all times. I was an absolute paranoid nightmare to be around for several years, and the only reason I ended up in therapy for these things was because i got caught watching people sleep. You know. Like an actual literal nightmare scenario, waking up to a shadowy figure staring at you all unblinking like.

My therapist told me to, verbatim, get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and to ignore these impulses. It was not easy, but the struggle didn't last long, because my brain learned over the next week or so that nobody was actually in any danger and everything was fine.

Thats not to say I've been 'cured' of my issues- just that i no longer experience this one particularly distressing (not just to me, but also to the people around me) symptom.

TL;DR: 'neurodivergent' does not just mean autistic, and 'get comfortable with being uncomfortable' is useful to some people/in alleviating some symptoms

[pissnvinegarchips]

Hey, full offense, but if you're a white, passing, able bodied trans man who has enough access to financial and medical resources to transition medically, and you make an effort to talk over trans men who aren't as privileged as you when they say they don't benefit from the patriarchy, you need to pull your head out of your ass long enough to notice that the world doesn't revolve around you.

[cryptotheism]

Every terf trying to dunk is just

"ur a man lol" #terfspleaseinteract #radfemsafe #imsolonely #despersteforvalidation #myfriendswonttalktomeanymore #radfemspleaseinteractdeargod

[mxjackparker]

This kind of response to things I say about sex work, which isn't always phrased like this but almost always focuses on me being male or a man or my pronouns, shows a fundamental misunderstanding of why mansplaining is bad.

I am a sex worker. I have been for a decade. The majority of people I know are sex workers and I'm embedded in sex worker community. I started before 18 and have done it in brothels, cars, my own home, clients' homes, saunas, and hotels.

It's absolutely reasonable to criticize men who speak on issues they don't experience like an authority, especially when they speak over women to do it. It is not reasonable to raise someone's gender (or in this case, pronouns) as a reason their thoughts aren't worth hearing when the issue is one they do face.

[mxjackparker]

I see people bringing up that I'm trans in response to things like this, as a way to legitimize my speech. The reason I refuse to do so, despite many of my experiences selling sex being pre-transition, is that I equally do not want cis men who have done sex work to be silenced on the topic.

We need more active and former sex workers to speak out. That won't happen if we're dismissing those who do.