11 friends you must be

A blog dedicated to translations of the German magazine 11FREUNDE and their hilarious liveticker. Occasional Articles about International Football.

[amanitaphalloides-deactivated20]

the internet has ruined me honestly i’m numb to everything. it could be the end of the world and i’d be like “tag urself i’m the acid rain”

[oliviergiroudd]

Roger Federer wins a record breaking 8th Wimbledon title (beating Sampras’s 7) and breaks his own record for the most ever Grand Slams won by a male player (19)

[cremsie]

My theory is that Aliens just really like cows 

[11friends]

And so it is at the same time the farewell game of Suspense in the 2015/16 season. It was always a crowd favourite, that Suspense. Sad that it already comes to an end.

62nd minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Götze to Lewandowski, both with a precision as if the Ladies had left down the toilet seat. Yes, it’s true: Bayern are playing in their own league. The smallest you can honestly imagine. Participants: 1. The League of Success that makes lonely. Considering that they’re still celebrating quite a lot. When will someone tell them that they’d actually have to be sad?

59th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Now, the commentator thinks, Tuchel has to bring someone who can turn the game around with one move. In other words: Who can score one, if not two goals with one move. That begs the question: Is David Copperfield actually allowed to play?

52nd minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker 

[11friends]

No. Kick-off, goal. Or the other way around, that's how fast that was. Lewandowski scores while Hummels is still answering the »Good luck, sweetheart ;-)«-text from Cathy Fischer.

45th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Tuchel in a chess-craze: »Hey, you pawn!« he says to Piszczek in the dressing room.»You're going down to the goal line and then we'll swap you for Lewandowski!«

6:26PM, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

The fourth official holds a glowing One up. Could be the additional time. Or Guardiola takes out Neuer because he doesn't do enough for the offensive.

45th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Hummels gets mean: »Hm, Fatty-Fatfat?« Götze: »I told you not to call me that!« Hummels: »Who says that?« Götze: »Me!« Hummels: »So, Fatty-Fatfat.« Götze: »Yes.«

35th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Bayern now like a pack of hyaenas, Dortmund like a zebra foal with only two legs. And with those two legs it kicks helplessly around. Penalty. Müller converts even though there is no leg between him and Bürki, of which the shot could bounce off muller-esque. Now he can actually make everything work.

32nd minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

World-class pass from Boateng, the best Quarterback since Joe Montana, then a move from Müller that actually does remind more of a touchdown that a goal like a normal footballer would score it: He catches the ball with the foot and then thwos it in with the foot, too. 1:0 for Bayern. Or 6 points for the Munich Bavarians.

27th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Is Kagawa, on the last day of the Oktoberfest, the only Japanese in Munich without a selfie stick and Lederhosen?

12th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Alonso and Costa, two men who would have probably never found each other without globalized football take a corner together that gets them nowhere. A great metaphor for many things around us.

11th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Hummels wants to do everything correctly, plays very solicitous and accurate. If the camera would get closer to him you could surely see his tongue peeking between his lips like a 6-year-old writing a birthday card for his Grandma.

8th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Second corner for Dortmund. »Two more and we can draw a square!« Tuchel shouts. »Heureka!« Marco Reus: »What's a square, coach?« Tuchel: »Go get yourself a cookie, you Kevin, you.«

5th minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker

[11friends]

Until now only Dortmund on the ball. Has Guardiola switched the strategy to No-Touch?

1st minute, FC Bayern - Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, 11Freunde liveticker