AAAAAAAHHHHH

I’m a Drunk Mess™️ This blog is pretty much entirely done on mobile. Good luck insta: clareholley_

[paradoxial-cunt]

[bog-goblin]

[bog-goblin]

[i-am-a-fish]

[paradoxial-cunt]

[bog-goblin]

[bog-goblin]

[i-am-a-fish]

[i-am-a-fish]

BOOB FACTS

Lopsided boobs are completely natural! in other words the left boob isn't always the same size as the right boob, this is completely normal and you are beautiful

that's actually the only boob fact I have so far I'm trans sorry I'm new to this

[gaydiation-poisoning]

2. Boobs are pre tty

[i-am-a-fish]

NOW I KNOW TWO BOOB FACTS

[lizardsfromspace]

The thing about Cottagecore is that is a fetishized aesthetic of country life, divorced from labor and idealized by a primarily urban audience with a backward looking ethos of tradition. They are not prepared for the stresses of a rural life: farming; harvesting; tapping pumpkins to ensure none of them have been replaced with flesh; losing out on income by having to use one of your pigs in a blood sacrifice to paint protective sigils over your doors and windows; checking cracks and chimneys for the flesh-vines of the Pumpkin Lord; having to decide, before the Growth is complete, whether that's really your tradwife or an amassment of vines, leaves, and blood in the shape of your tradwife; ignoring their desperate pleas that "I'm me! No! No!" as you burn them alive, realizing too late you picked wrong; and the exploitative corporate nature of commercial farming in 2024. All seen through a deeply colonial lens, of course

[lizardsfromspace]

When I made this post I did not expect it to be an effective test of which Tumblr users actually read a post fully before reblogging, and yet

[elodieunderglass]

To be fair that’s what all posts on tumblr are

[i-am-a-fish]

from now on you MUST follow these three rules (if you want)

• love your self

• love your flaws

• pet your dog

if you don't have a dog you can pet this one just rub your screen

[theotherwesley]

Me getting up in the morning like 

Hittin’ the keyboard like

Friends comin’ online like

DID YOu SEE tHE THINGg MY GOD

This is and always will be my favorite Tumblr post of all time.

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[puppygirl-hornyposting2]

[wayneradiotv]

[thisiswhymomworries]

writing smut like

how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?

[3tno-moved-deactivated20190902]

and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use

[thisiswhymomworries]

tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick

tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft

tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus

tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood

tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie

tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun 

[the-haiku-bot]

tier 3 (clinical,

too formal, but not cheesy):

groin, penis, phallus

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[gayfour]

[souf-v-staff-rematch]

If cats don't want to be bothered by humans they shouldn't be so botherable in both size and shape

[sculpturegallery]

Ken Little - Hey 1996 Bronze

[i-only-see-daylight]

Dorian: A hot, scary fae with legs for days. Side note: I might legit be into Fenrys. But that’s for another time.

[creekfiend]

My friends teenage pitbutt pitbulled directly into the couch at 90mph

[lakevida]

i heard that guy doesn't have a library card let's kill him

[shiverandqueeef]

if you aren't best friends with your lover and a little bit in love with all your friends than what's the fucking point

[rain-droplet]

you're so right and everyone should know it

[perenial]

everyone's masc til they have to put on the customer service voice

[h0nex]

call my pussy a truffle the way your hog is hunting it down through the bush

[mexicain-sans-frontiers-v2]