[surprisinglyironlibrarian]

Yeh 😐

I have a specific learning disability in mathematics (AKA dyscalculia.) I wanted to be a biology major in college. I couldn't pass chemistry. Yes, I had accommodations, but the accommodations were extended time on tests and being allowed to use a calculator (which we were allowed anyway.) That... doesn't just magically erase the problem in my brain. People will still tell me, "oh but if you really tried, you could have! You must not have wanted it badly enough." And that's the painful part is that I did want it and I did try, multiple times, but the thing about having a disability is that sometimes it's disabling and that sucks. You have to accept that you can't do the thing and find a way to move on with your life. It is what it is.

I have NVLD and when I say "I can't do big city driving," everyone confidently says "sure you can!" And like... okay yeah sure I could, and the end result would be someone getting seriously hurt. My visual processing could not handle that level of chaos and I would quickly get overwhelmed and not know what to do and end up doing something dangerous. So I don't. There are certain places I just don't drive, because I know it would be dangerous for everyone involved. Why everyone thinks they know my capabilities better than me, who has lived in this brain my whole life, I don't know.

[joggersspringsummer]

Conversations around desirability and dating preferences pretend to be about prejudice but they really are about who they imagine possesses the power to confer desirability. Like when it comes to "would you date a bisexual man" the subject keeps becoming a straight woman even though bisexual men could be rejected by bisexual women and gay men for their bisexuality. It keeps coming back to straight women because they think its more validating, because its access to heterosexual legitimacy and a stamp that your "masculinity" is intact. Racial preference discourse also has that same structure. Its always about white people refusing non whites because they still treat white approval as some kind of stamp that "yep you're attractive". With trans dating discourse it gets stranger because its not just about cisgender people including them its like about how symbolically exclusive the cis persons sexuality is, which is why it always comes back to lesbians as the ultimate validators of trans womanhood and never bisexuals or other trans people.

[1earthmother]

One big pet peeve of mine is when people overestimate the impact of feminism on global consciousness outside of online movements. It seems very easy for people to forget that feminism is still a deeply unpopular movement in the public eye, even among women. The most striking example was the reaction to the 4B movement in South Korea a couple years back when people on both sides of the political aisle were attributing the fringe online radical feminist movement to the declining birthrate in SK.

Mind you, these 4B discussions took place exclusively on online forums with a couple thousand women max. The average Korean woman has no idea what 4B is and wouldn't willingly be apart of it. Korean women by and large do not identify as feminists so it was even more maddening to see western feminists pedal the whole “South Korean women are making their country go EXTINCT to get back at those Misogynistic losers in their country”— like that isn't a deranged, borderline conservative take. Men’s rights activist already blame feminism for declining birthrates and pedal this whole human extinction BS, it's embarrassing to see women do the same.

Birth rates decline when countries become industrialized, where the vast majority of the population moves from rural areas to live in overcrowded, expensive cities. Where the job market is oversaturated with applicants and extremely competitive and living areas become smaller and more expensive. Where people are more educated on reproduction and have access to contraception. People in these environments put off having kids until later, have less kids, or choose not to have them at all. It's not rocket science. It's not a feminist conspiracy.

[hexpatient]

a culture that accepts "just think about things differently" as a legitimate solution to material problems is not a natural inevitability. it is a result of all the cultural forces that came before us. learning about the new thought movement and how that shaped the new age period that became so ubiquitous that most people dont even realize it is an explicit spiritual mode of thinking, really helped me to understand why psychiatry is the way it is now. the overlap of self help slop and new age grift is massive. and the overlap of self help slop and psychology/psychiatry is massive. psychiatry pushes what is "normal" or common as healthy, and clearly has no integrity when it comes to clearly communicating what is and is not a science backed secular practice.

so you get what happened to me, which is how my psychiatric professionals low key AND high key pushed new age spirituality bullshit onto me as a material reality and an indisputable treatment plan. they fully told me if i believe in bad thoughts, they will happen. we made vision boards. i had my anti depressants prescribed in the room opposite the one i was taught to use positive affirmations. that if i use my mind powers hard enough i can make [my abuser] [stop abusing me]. and if that doesnt work, its because i did it wrong.

as far as i can tell, this is a completely average experience of psychiatry. very common. i experienced it dozens of times with therapists and psychiatrists and RNs and techs. it is so beyond unethical and ignorant.

[1earthmother]

I care way more about the fact that higher academia hides their credentials and opportunities behind an enormous paywall, where adults who already have to juggle multiple responsibilities while working to cover not only the exorbitant cost of living but also the student loans are also being tasked with an extreme workload colleges give, where the courses, whether you pass or fail still require you to pay, and where there is absolutely no guarantee it will land you a career that will pay you a somewhat liveable wage (even though that's become the whole purpose of why people pursue it in the first place) to be way more of an issue than students who use AI.

[djstealie]

[Trying to flirt in the city] I think what you said about Wong Kar Wai was really insightful

[Trying to flirt in the country] I'd love to get high with you on your porch for 5 days

[cyberpunkpavlichenko]

The negative consequences of offloading cognitive tasks to AI is itself a consequence of overworking and undereducating people so they have little energy to learn new skills and information and haven’t been given the tools to properly assess what is or isn’t accurate information.

I’m not saying that’s a good thing but it’s not as if AI invented the incentive to have someone else do their thinking and decision making.

Far more disturbing is that businesses and governments are abdicating decision making responsibility to AI. “Predictive policing,” autofiltering resumes, military target acquisition. Then everyone washes their hands and says “the machine made the decision,” no you input the parameters and accepted it’s conclusion and then acted! That was you!

[support-for-the-suicidal]

When we talk about the autonomy of suicide, it's almost always discussed from the side of the right to die — which is definitely important and does need to be accepted by more of society. But there's also the side of the right to live. Until society stops punishing people for their existence and depriving them of what they need, the autonomy of suicide for everyone cannot be reached. Because when people are killing themselves because of changeable, societal structures, that is not a completely autonomous decision. It is one that has been forced upon them.

Suicidal people will always exist and people who will always be suicidal exist and that is not inherently an issue that needs to be solved. But it becomes an issue when people are forced into it. Currently, suicide prevention involves institutionalizing suicidal people, telling them that they must survive, by any means possible, but so many of them have been told the opposite for their entire lives, implicitly or otherwise. Suicide prevention should involve working to improve society, making it a livable and survivable place for all people. Only then will the autonomy of suicide be achieved. Otherwise, so much of it is social murder.

In short, "Don't kill yourself 🥺" isn't enough — solving the why behind it is.

[northstareclipse]

I'm increasingly convinced that a lot of loneliness discourse isn't actually about lonely people. It's about reassuring everyone else.

"If you're lonely, it's because you're rude."

"If you're lonely, it's because you refuse to be vulnerable."

"If you're lonely, it's because you think you don't owe anyone anything."

The implication is always the same - there must be something you're doing wrong.

Because if there isn't, then we'd have to admit something much scarier - the fact that human connection is not a meritocracy.

Being kind doesn't guarantee you'll be understood. Being polite doesn't guarantee you'll find your people. Being vulnerable doesn't guarantee you'll be met with vulnerability. Putting yourself out there doesn't guarantee anyone compatible will actually be there.

You can do everything "right" and still end up lonely.

That's not a comforting thought. It's much easier to believe that lonely people are simply too abrasive, too cynical, too guarded, too selfish, too picky, too whatever. Then loneliness becomes a problem with an obvious solution, and everyone else gets to feel like they're safe from it.

But some of us have spent years trying.

Years being friendly. Years listening. Years risking. Years extending grace. Years adapting ourselves to other people's communication styles.

At some point, it gets exhausting to keep hearing, "Have you tried giving even more of yourself?"

Or, "Learn to like people."

As though liking people is something you can simply decide to do.

As though feeling understood, energized, intellectually engaged, or emotionally at home in someone's company is just a switch you haven't bothered to flip yet.

Nobody likes everybody. Nobody comes alive in every conversation. Compatibility exists. Chemistry exists. Some people bring out parts of you that others never will.

Wanting those kinds of relationships isn't a moral failure.

Sometimes people don't need another lecture about reciprocity.

Sometimes they need someone to admit that effort and outcome are not the same thing.

Sometimes they need someone to acknowledge that luck, timing, environment, compatibility, availability, and plain old chance play a role too.

Not because we're powerless.

Because reality isn't a children's story where virtue is always rewarded and every unhappy ending can be explained by a flaw in the protagonist.

[northstareclipse]

"you're just scared!!!"

did it... did it never occur to you that sometimes, there are reasons for fear to exist that are perfectly grounded in the present and shared reality?

[northstareclipse]

I'm not depressed because I'm mean and guarded. I'm usually very polite and friendly.

I'm depressed because politeness and friendliness mostly win you tolerance - not understanding - when you're an autistic, queer, alternative adult living in an area where middle-class cishet WASP respectability norms dominate. And vulnerability often gets you places you actively don't want to go, because you've seen this movie before and you know how it ends.

I'm not disconnected because I never leave the house.

I'm disconnected because, while I bring my body out into the world regularly, most of my mind has to stay inside.

I'm not lonely because I have no contact with other people.

I'm lonely because even the people closest to me usually require me to translate myself to the point of exhaustion.

There comes a point where you stop asking, "Why don't I socialize more?" and start asking, "Why does socializing so often feel like leaving the most important parts of myself at home?" and from there start asking "If I keep having to leave the important parts at home, am I even doing this for me anymore, or am I doing it to fulfill some arbitrary quota imposed by various internet strangers?"

[jihadibarbie]

[milksockets]

ad in detour magazine december/january 1998

[norwoods-dni]

You will never stop wanting to beat bitches to death with a rock 🪨 after you learn that micropenises are diagnosable during routine ultrasounds and they CHOOSE not to abort because they don't gaf about other women. This is why civilization is collapsing.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

It can be easy to confuse the two, but you don't actually "wish you were more disabled", you wish your disability was taken seriously and was properly accommodated and that you had access to the support and resources you need - and that desire is so valid. You deserve more. But the sad truth is that no level of disability actually guarantees a sufficient level of support. So you have to work to separate your very understandable desire for more support from the incorrect assumption that other disabled people are consistently receiving what you aren't. All of us are getting fucked over in this society, and no group of disabled people actually has it easy.

[1earthmother]

The psychiatric industry already gets away with so many blatant lies as it is, I really think it's time to stop believing this lie that so many mental health professionals with years of schooling and experience, completely missed/misdiagnosed/ late diagnosed a large chunk of women with autism, ADHD, and other learning disabilities because it's “harder to spot” in women and young girls “mask too well” for these professionals to pick up on it. What a complete joke.

The inconvenient truth that many people don't seem to get is that these professionals never cared about diagnosing you accurately. The main goal behind most psychotherapeutic treatments has always been to make you complacent and to fall in line with whatever insurance companies are willing pay for and what they can realistically treat. That's why no matter the circumstance, the emotional distress is treated as the primary problem that needs to be managed and never about the circumstances leading to it.The same people who supposedly “could never pick up” on your ADHD are the same professionals who will immediately diagnose you with MDD or an anxiety disorder based off a generic questionnaire where you bubbled in “most of the time” to vague symptoms like, “Persistent low mood”, “lack of motivation”, “feeling hopeless” and put you on an SSRI to treat the supposed “Chemical imbalance” (which has been fully debunked for decades) that's causing the emotional distress.

These people never gave a fuck. It was always about making sure you didn't have any big emotions so that you go into work everyday, complete your assignments, and don't rebel too much against your superiors.

[1earthmother]

Yesss I love hitting constant dead ends in my personal and professional life ❤️❤️ I love the fact that my effort consistently leads to nothing no matter what 😍😍 I love when my life feels like a hamster wheel with the same problems and outcomes happening year after year 🥰🥰🥰