Support for the Suicidal

she/her || previously @this-is-suicidism suicidism - discrimination of/against people who are suicidal [Banner ID: a picture of a teal and purple aurora borealis with a small mountain and a lake that reflects the borealis and mountain. /End ID] [Icon ID: a looped ribbon of teal and purple with a semicolon. The ribbon and semicolon symbolize suicide. /End ID}

[support-for-the-suicidal]

Welcome to Support for the Suicidal!

[PT: Welcome to Support for the Suicidal! /End PT]

Many of you are here from when we were @this-is-suicidism (old pinned), so you'll be familiar with what's going on here. This blog aims to be a safe space for suicidal people. We provide resources and coping mechanisms (check out @thisis-suicidism for more focus on those), but mostly, we'll be focusing on support and comfort for anyone who needs it.

Non-carceral resources: Project Lets, this post by my old blog twin

How to help: Supporting the Suicidal No Matter What by Devon Price

Accessibility:

I try to make this blog as accessible as possible so please let me know if there's anything I can do to improve.

I describe all images I post but if I reblog undescribed posts, those will be tagged with #undescribed.

Anyone can request plain language rewording with no judgement.

I try to use tone tags if I feel like something might be misunderstood but you can always ask for clarification.

What to Ask:

Send in a vent and I'll provide support/compassion or just a listening ear! Vents can be about suicidism, suicidal ideation, or anything else.

Ask for advice! I may not always be comfortable providing advice but I will share as much as I am comfortable if someone asks. Just bear this in mind.

Share art of any medium! Common asks I got as @this-is-suicidism were that people felt unable to share art about suicidality because of the stigma. I would really appreciate seeing some art.

Anything else related to suicid(ism)! This blog is a judgement free and non-carceral space for people experiencing ideation.

Asks unrelated to suicide are also welcome, but we ask that you keep it close to the topic (ex. self harm, depression, etc.)

What will not be posted:

Discourse of any kind. Anyone can be suicidal so everyone is welcome! Do not start discourse in this space. Anyone doing so/otherwise harassing people will be blocked.

Do not share asks about other people's experience with suicidality without permission, and include that you have permission in the ask.

Tagging System:

#support for anon - advice/answers to asks

#support through art - art about suicidality, especially since art can be a coping mechanism for many

#support for everyone - general positivity posts

#resources - resources mainly for suicidal people, but may also contain self harm resources from time to time

#how to help - resources specifically on how to help suicidal people without taking away their autonomy (this post encompasses a lot and I will often reblog it)

#what not to do - what not to do when trying to support a suicidal person, essentially the antonym to #how to help

#blog personal - anything specifically about the blog, but not personal posts

#tw [trigger] - all triggers will be tagged in this format. Suicide will not be tagged.

#this is suicidism - I expect these to fizzle out eventually, but they will probably still be here for some time.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

Just wanted to let you all know that I've changed the main asks tag from #support for anon to #support ask! I doubt many people care but it was bothering me since not everyone was on anon 😅.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

I don't think this is necessary a suicidal post.

But I just finished my GCSEs yesterday. A few years back, I struggled a lot with myself and frequently tried to commit.

This involved a few dangerous methods to attempt frequently (Im not naming them), sh in general, and social isolation. I swore to hell and back that I would kill myself before my GCSEs. That I could not handle the change and all is hell. That I would be better off dead than a disappointment.

And well.. I've done it. I finished my GCSEs yesterday. And honestly... I'm kinda proud about that. And I'm also a few years clean, which I worked very hard about these few years. But yeah, it does get better. Alot better.

I'm so proud of you anon! I'm glad you got through your exams and made it to where you are today. I hope you continue to feel better!

[support-for-the-suicidal]

(Long Text Warning)

I'm sorry for bothering you and just barging in, but I honestly have felt like ending it all, but also wanting to hurt people.

I've always been sheltered my whole life, and since I'm now 18, I feel trapped inside both my house and what appears to be my depression (or possibly just depressive episodes). One gilded cage with another more painful cage.

As loving and caring as my parents are, I feel as though I have no autonomy, and I feel deeply selfish when other people are suffering through worse.

Ever since high school ended for me, I have no friends, both online and IRL, every day feels like isolation in my room, where I can both feel the most lonely and the most like myself.

I have contemplated cutting and ending it all, but I'm deathly afraid of what my parents might say and/or think. I'm always been a good kid, and I'm deathly afraid of yelling and/or getting in trouble (Good-Kid Syndrome was especially worse during my high school years after quarantine; 14-17), but even then, I've had thoughts or hurting other people or myself, both of which were fueled by my own rage and sorrow, as if it's some misguided attempt to take some autonomy from my mind, for myself.

I always feel like a terrible person, just a coward who doesn't have the balls to anyone anyone, much less myself. I'm always feeling like complete shit, and I always feel like a still doll, just lying there.

I'm sorry for all of this. Please don't hate me for sending this.

You don't need to apologize for sending this in, that's what this blog its for. I'm so sorry you're feeling so isolated. I completely understand what it feels like to be so lonely. It is awful, but I hope you can get through it. I hope you can gain back some autonomy and enjoy your life.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

What should I do if everyone, even my parents, are asking me to kill myself?

I'm a 15 year old non binary kid. My parents sometimes tell me to kill myself because they "can't deal with me anymore". People from my small town know me as "the weird girl everyone hates" and they throw rocks at me and laugh at me on the streets. Even queer people from the closest city I often go to hate me and had told me to kill myself because of dumb stuff I did way long ago, and false rumours. I can't even try to clarify anything because they will bring up stuff from the past. They want me dead, they don't want me to have friends, they want me to be hated. I can't even say I'm not a bad person, because I am. I wish people would give me a chance... But they won't, they already said it. There was this account on Instagram that was hating on me on a daily basis, and they said that "I don't deserve second chances".

I am aware I'm not a good person. I was groomed and I became a shitty person, and that's exactly why me, and everyone else, wants me to kill myself. It would be best for everyone... Wouldn't it?

I'm feeling like such an attention seeker right now, but I can't help it. Part of me thinks this isn't right, that I don't deserve this; but part of me knows the truth: there comes a time in the life of a victim where they stop being a victim and become a self-pitying whore.

I'm so sorry you're being treated like this, anon. No one deserves to be told to kill themselves and you do deserve a second chance. It's okay to want attention, especially since it seems like you're so isolated by those around you. No matter what those around you say, you deserve life, and I hope you can realize that.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

Sometimes I'll just be going about my day, not feeling bad at all, and then I'll look around like "that would be a good bridge to jump off" or "I bet if I hanged myself here I wouldn't be found for a while". I'm aware they're probably intrusive thoughts, but considering how pop-culture-ified that term has become I'm worried that I'd get treated significantly worse by those close to me if I actually went in-depth about this experience. Since I can't confide in anybody it's a bit isolating, so I'm saying it here. Thanks for listening.

You're welcome. I'm glad I can provide a space for people like you to talk about what society deems taboo. Those thoughts could definitely be intrusive thoughts and I'm also against the way most people use that term. I'm sorry you can't talk about what you're feeling in-person, though.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

Suicidism is not being able to openly speak about being suicidal without being forced to go to a psychiatric institution or put in the hospital.

I had a suicide attempt not too long ago, and I was on involuntary psychiatric hold for a week (for good reason). Ever since then, any time I expressed feelings of self-hatred to my guardians I am reminded of how I could possibly be sent back.

It scares you when you’re suicidal and aren’t able to talk to anyone about it without being threatened with psych care. Like, I’m aware that I might be a threat to myself, but you telling me that I will sent to a hospital for being suicidal will just make me more inclined to not tell you!

This is what drives people to suicide: Not being able to express how you feel. Not being able to explain why you’re depressed, or anxious, or have an eating disorder—because you CAN’T without having the anxiety of being sent to a psychiatric institution looming over your head!

This is suicidism. Suicidal people deserve to be able to talk about ideation without being threatened with institutionalization.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

In reference to that thing some other asks were talking about. About the trope of “when you die everyone will feel bad about how they treated you”.

One of my biggest fears, biggest suspicions, and biggest reasons not to do it is the feeling that it wouldn’t be like that at all. Years ago I wrote about wondering if they would celebrate. I wonder if they still would celebrate. Why wouldn’t they? They already stooped low enough already. Why would that be beneath them? They told someone with a previous hospitalization already to go and kill themself and then followed that up with threats of physical violence. This is an actual thing that happened. And it’s not even the fucking worst thing that happened. Why would “celebrating a suicide” be beneath someone who actively called that person to do it and then tried to harass them into it? Why would they feel bad at all. They knew. No fucking way they didn’t know what they were doing.

I won’t get some sort of revelation about how they should have been better to me. At best they will forget me. At best. At worst… let’s not discuss that.

I'm so sorry that these people have been so awful. The truth is, people don't suddenly care once you're gone, and I'm glad you realize that. You didn't deserve what they've done and I hope you can grow without them.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

i see people saying "stop treating suicidal ideation like an emergency!!!!" and like

thats nice for you, good luck, all that but

i want that

i want people to take me seriously

i WANT to be forcefully institutionalized

nobody seems to think im actually struggling and im just. being dramatic, i guess? and need to get over myself

no

im an emergency

address me

be afraid for me. be afraid of me

if you wont act like im seriously in danger then how do i prove it to you

so far ive never attempted but every day i get closer to trying

It really comes down to how you as the suicidal person want to be treated. If you want to be treated seriously, then you should receive that immediate support. Honestly though, it sounds more like you just wish people would believe you rather than necessarily treating you like an emergency. I hope you get the support you're looking for and that people start to believe you.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

Did selfharm-harmreduction get termed or deleted?

I think so, but they're at self-harm-harm-reduction now.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

staying alive has been hard recently

…so why am I here? good question

maybe it’s because I can’t take the pills

maybe it’s because I’m a pussy for not doing an attempt

maybe it’s because if I die I’ll be letting people down

who knows…

I'm sorry life has been so difficult anon. You're not cowardly for not attempting, suicide is more complicated than it seems.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

It irks me so much that people tell me "you don't actually want to die, you're just overwhelmed/don't know what to do/want a break/need a change/etc." . I know that's the case for a lot of people, but for *ME* I do genuinely want death, the dead part of dying, to cease entirely. Is it just that fucking unpalatable to people? Can we really not work on how to make living more appealing/bearable without diminishing my chronic suicidal feelings? I also feel like there isn't really a framework for helping people with chronic suicidal thoughts, everything I've encountered treats suicidal thoughts as an immediate problem to be solved. I've been feeling like this since I was six, I know myself when I say I'm suicidal but not at any risk. God fucking forbid I acknowledge not being married to living.

There's definitely something to be said about the number of suicides that could be prevented by structural/situational changes, but we also have to acknowledge that not everyone feels suicidal because of changeable reasons. Some people people will always feel suicidal but that doesn't mean we can't improve our quality of living. I'm frustrated for you that you're not allowed to talk about how suicidality affects you.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

Can you really call suicidal people "suicidist"? (The concept of "suicidism" as annaxis of discrimination seems kinda stupid to me.) I am a suicidal person, and I don't agree with many opinions on this or similar blogs. Encouraging suicidal people going to therapy is a good thing. This blog and #suicidism tag slowly turning into an echo chamber of miserable losers. Someone promoted promoted/name dropped an incel website on this blog, and you responded with no hesitation. But you are very selective with other anon asks for some reason. Do better.

Raise your hand if you're a miserable loser because you think suicidal people deserve community and safe spaces 🖐️

(Also does anyone know what incel website they're talking about? To my knowledge there haven't been any in asks but I may have missed them.)

[support-for-the-suicidal]

i stopped telling anyone about having suicidal thoughts. they are serious and they are bad. they're not present all of the time but a lot of the time they are. i'm not doing well for a long time already and everyone's worried even without this.

them being worried is one reason but the other is the fear of what they might do. they all said they won't do anything against my will - including even my therapist and my psych - but i don't really believe it.

they talked of commiting me to a hospital, and of making me leave this flat to live with somebody instead of alone. i have trauma related to both. idk, maybe those could help me as well in some aspects but even the thought of this possibility made me stop telling them the truth.

i wish i could be honest with them all. but i do believe they'd do those things if i'd be doing real bad. and actually i'd rather die than do either of those things.

It's so frustrating that so many suicidal people are forced to hide our thoughts. Like you said, it's really hard to know if you can trust people or not and it can be scary to imagine the outcome. I hope you find someone or somewhere you can truly express what you're feeling.

[m-e-and-me]

being suicidal is my normal, i have been suicidal for years. but that’s not one of those things you can really talk about without people either pushing you to go inpatient or just straight up force you to.

all this does is make it so i can’t be honest with people i should be able to be honest with, medical staff of any kind the most.

suicidal ideation needs to be destigmatised yesterday, we need to allow people to talk about it without fearing for their freedom and rights being violated.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

idk if this makes me a bad person but i want to trust psychiatry enough to get medicated for my crippling depression. i want to stop being suicidal i want to take pills that manage my fifty personality disorders i want to stop being a lifeless husk of a person and actually do something with my life instead of just praying for death every night and waking up disappointed and being abused by my family because i dont have visible illnesses, i have mental invisible ones and im not productive enough for them. i want to go out and shower everyday and make friends and be a person. i want my pills dammit. im just in shambles every day praying that one day i couod get a counsellor or whatever and get medicated. i have so much anxiety and depression and i am so suicidal every day i have to physically lock up my paracetamol to stop myself and nobody believes me because i havent killed myself yet. my mother has egged me on into jumping because "you wont do it, youre just an attention seeking little bitch and a coward" so theres that. i hate living in a brown country i really do. i might be able to get help if i lived in a white country where theres pharmacies and sometimes people actually believe you instead of "its all your mindset, you cant stop fighting ever" and what not. im so tired. i just want pills. i dont want to fight anymore. and not fighting anymore means killing myself and i would much rather take pills.

You're not a bad person for wanting to trust psychiatry because the tools provided by psychiatry can actually be useful for some people. You should be allowed to choose whatever treatment you want or don't wanting medication to feel better. I'm so sorry that your family doesn't support you or believe you because you deserve enough support. I hope you can safely get the outcome you want, anon.

[support-for-the-suicidal]

Hey, I really appreciate this blog. The best place I've been able to find where I can actually share my thoughts is r/suicidewatch and even then, I sometimes get my posts removed because I was too honest about how I feel.

I've been on the very brink of suicide for over half a year. No matter what, even when I take action to make my life better, something horrifically bad ends up happening and making my life even worse. My only friend killed himself. I crashed our only car and am too afraid to drive ever since. I lost my job after I had a complete suicidal mental break at work while all my coworkers refused to even look at me, let alone talk to me. I went to the psych ward after that and the therapists were so bad that I had to request to be released early before I could attempt suicide in the hospital. I've been unable to find a job and the moment Employment Services actually got me an interview for the first time in 3 months, my representative caused me to be 20 minutes late and then forced me to take accountability for it, even though he was present for my entire interview. Even though I always show up 15 minutes early. That was part of my pitch to the job. I'm always early. So they obviously didn't hire me because I was 10-15 minutes late. I lost my SNAP. I lose my health insurance in a month. I can't afford the only therapist who has ever gotten through to me; everyone I see right now makes me worse. We can't afford groceries and my pets keep having medical emergencies.

My sister is frustrated with me for doing nothing all day and refusing to get a job, but I'm so stressed all the time that my hair is falling out and my head constantly feels like it's about to explode and I can't think straight. Genuinely I'm so stressed that I will be met with a mild problem or asked a mild question, and then I flip out because my brain powers off and doesn't let me do anything about it. I've been in this altered mental state for months, and it's what caused my car accident, because I wasn't able to think clearly or make correct decisions but I didn't want my family to think I was useless. I can tell my friends are upset with me because I don't talk to them anymore, and when I do I don't engage with what they're interested in, but it's because my brain literally is too fried to carry conversations. I can't make myself coffee without having a mental breakdown so I can't even imagine getting a job right now without killing myself. I've seen two therapists who have both urged me that I should not be getting a job right now. But we have no money and it's only getting worse and worse and worse. My dog is sick and we're probably going to be homeless by the end of the year.

It's been like this for over 6 months. With every month it only gets worse. I need to die. I need to die so bad. I can't do this anymore. And there's no one who can save me.

I'm so sorry you're in this position and for the way people are treating you. I truly wish I had advice I could give you, but unfortunately most of your problems lie within societal issues. The most I can do is tell you I see you, I see how you're struggling and how desperately you need support. I'm sorry your sister doesn't understand that you can't have a job right now. I really hope that your situation improves. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you luck!