Oh man this one I have been dreading for awhile. Not so much because it was a bad relationship. If anything I think it was by far the best relationship I had ever been in. Probably ever will be in but that's besides the point. So here's the story.
After Ashley 2... I spent a lot of time alone. Kinda of just isolated myself. Was in one of the moods where I wasn't looking to get into a relationship, but if one so passed me by I would consider it so long as I could be happy with said person. I think after all my other failed relationships, I finally got into that mode where I knew what I wanted, and didn't want to settle for less. Then one random night I wake up and need cigarettes. So I drive down to the local gas station. And as I am walking in I pass a girl who is walking out. I looked at her and for some reason she seemed familiar. Now I could have easily just brushed it off and never looked. But I did a double take, and what do you know she was looking right back at me and was the girl I used to work with at my old job when I dated Jess. I was excited to see her, and despite my normal self, decided to ask her for her number so we could catch up. When I finally worked up the balls to txt her I was shocked that her old BF was no longer around. The guy she was like sooo into finally fucked up and she left him. I was naturally intrigued, but didn't have high hopes of ever dating her, seeing as how she was like light years cooler than me. Well we started talking, then we started hanging out. The more we talked and hung out the more I grew to like her. It was one of those bliss type situations where we literally agreed on everything. It was almost like fate had brought us together, and eventually I asked her to go out with me. Before I asked her though, I explained some things about my past, some pretty bad things, and explained that I had learned from them and wasn't that type of guy anymore. After that I told her that I wanted to be a part of her life, and to my surprise she said she wanted to be a part of mine too. After that we started dating. It was great, we spent so much time together it almost felt natural spending time with her. She was the greatest gf I had ever had, and because of that never ever wanted to lose her. I was smoking a lot at the time, and when we met I started smoking even more. Exploring my sub conscious with her around was fun because religions suddenly made sense, and people didn't frustrate me around her. She always listened to my theories, which in turn made me come up with more and more about how our universe and life is. It got to the point where I literally thought that anything anybody said was possible, and most likely happened somewhere throughout time. Eventually it drove me to insomnia, which made my mental issues kick in and drove me to the point of insanity. Around that time I though that all these things were happening to me because she was now a part of my life. I had finally found my soulmate and now that she was there, everything in my life was going to be okay because I could stop searching. Then I started throwing god into the equation, which made me get all fucking backwards, and I ended up asking her dad's permission to marry her. He sat me down and told me that he wanted me to do a few things first, but that he was happy I made her happy, and once I got these things done, would be okay with it. I felt so relieved because I thought he knew all the things I was going to do, and he knew I was going to ask his permission. It was really bad. I ended up being institutionalized for a few days and when they released me, Tess had sent me all my items via mail, and pretty much up and left me. I never did get a clear reason. She said that I had lied to her the last time we spoke, but about what exactly I'm not sure. The worst part of it all was I felt I could be so completely honest with this girl, that I told her everything. All the bad shit about my life, all the good shit. I never left out anything that I felt she deserved, or that I would want to know if put in her situation. I really do miss and love her very much. And though they say time will heal all wounds (and trust me I'm not trying to be dramatic here) I highly doubt I will ever be able to not love, not think about, or not want to be with her. She was my everything. I thought for a long time maybe it's because I didn't have any closure, and that may be the case. But even if in some fucked up way I did find out why she left me, or why she suddenly felt the need to never talk to me again, I still wouldn't stop missing her. I fucking made her a page and used the only password of mine she has ever needed to know, but I doubt she will ever see it or even care to know how I feel, because she doesn't want me anymore. I'm sorry to be so girly about this, but it would take a lot to fully understand just how much I loved not only this girl, but the way I was when I was with her. I don't think I will ever be that happy again.
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