Movin’ Right Along

Hedonist + #1 Muppet Fan

[hummingbirdsaltimolockia]

do it scared do it stupid do it alone etc etc but don’t do it hungry. eat a snack first

[markovchaingang]

americans are a saudi oil baron's idea of classy. brits are an american's idea of classy. the french are a brit's idea of classy. unfortunately the chain ends here since the french's idea of classy is also the french

[3000s]

we are in truble

[cartoon-fanaticism]

GLaDOS voice: "Would you like to see some artwork I generated? I've heard from other test subjects that AI-generated artwork produces an uncanny valley response in human viewers because they can't perceive it as fully real. They've told me that it looks absolutely hideous to them, that they can't imagine anything more disgusting than AI art. But, well I've been practicing and wanted your honest opinion. Feel free to let me know how ugly you find this by ranking it on a scale from 'vomit-inducing' to 'eye-bleeding'." A robotic arm lowers from the ceiling holding a hand mirror up to Chell's face

[geniusbee]

these are getting weird

[jaypilled]

are those my only options

[lindleland]

disco elysium dialogue tree

[catasters]

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I see your “Rocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans can’t hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words mean” and raise you “Rocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that ‘bad bad bad’ isn’t actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.”

Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rocky’s been saying is “shit shit shit”.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Eridian government representative: Greetings Rocky, Saviour of Erid, and Grace, Saviour from Beyond the Stars. We are pleased to welcome you home.

Grace, haltingly on the keyboard Rocky built for him: Wassup bitches. Fucking jazzed to—

Rocky: GRACE STOP TALKING NOW NOW NOW I EXPLAIN LATER

[wordfather]

a 6th grader tried to ragebait me the other day and i didn't even realize because i was in awe of this perfect 31 on my potato and she kept getting pissed at me and calling me a 'number lover' and i was like 'i sure am :)!'

[wordfather]

forgot to say that im a teacher. a random 6th grader didnt spawn into my lunch break to mock me, though that is really really funny to think about

[soundclown]

[teethwreath]

[just-thots]

this is so funny bc on the one hand what the fuck are we doing tumblr. like you cannot be serious you're censoring entirely sfw concepts bc sometimes people ALSO involve it in fetish stuff? but on the other hand. i was in fact searching it in hopes of finding porn so you do have me there technically i can't lie

[qi-mera]

More of you need to learn about these ☝️

[jadenebula]

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

sometimes when I teach my kids classes I tell them "today I'm mr evil" which means if I see them smile or laugh I'm going to beat them with a pool noodle. this simultaneously makes them behave much better and infinitely worse.

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

mr evil hates children and hates fun and hates sloppy martial arts. he's like if the grinch was a bond villain. my kids like him more than me.

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

the secret reason I do this is because sometimes I run out of energy to emote and I'm like hurrah an excuse to be monotone and blank faced

[free-and-to-none-accountable]

My girlfriend's kids have started asking why Auntie Jody only comes to visit when their daddy's deployed

[duskdragonxiii]

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

[duskdragonxiii]

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

[innocentmurmurs]

[mildmayfoxe]

1) any stretching is better than no stretching

2) any vegetable is better than no vegetable

3) statistically you will never be the worst person at anything, there is always someone in the world who is worse at stuff than you are