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ftm vent blog. 26.

[2chameleon2]

Sunrise, eyes creak open

Rusted at the seams from long nights

We cauterise and staple shut the wound

Hoping it will stem the reach from every room

[just-leui]

i just love how dysphoria is so illogical

thought to myself "is smiling too feminine?" like yes bestie displaying emotion is too feminine you're definitely getting clocked by the barber

[cuntboytoy]

Born to have a hot heavy cock pulse and bob and drool between my thighs, forced to have this stupid pussy instead >:(

[pidgwin]

I'm finally getting closer to the me i'm supposed to be, but something still feels so so wrong. I feel this unrest which i don't know how to quench. A dysphoria of my very existence.

[onomatopussy]

Learning today that dysphoria is intimately disruptive to my recording workflow. Sometimes there's a hill or a wall that just feels insurmountable.

My female voice feels so hollow and wrong. For no reason. I've been on vocal rest since yesterday afternoon. But its so painful. Just. A word here or there and I'm crushed by the weight of what seems such a stark challenge before me.

[worseperson]

This voice dysphoria is shit if I’m going to be feeling like shit I should be coughing up blood as well

[eldritchbean-shapeshifter]

Ugggggghhh dysphoria is the worst

I was supposed to shower last night but the thought of having to perceive my body felt so INCREDIBLY NAUSEATING.

So I ended up procrastinating and was up past 3 am

I ended up grabbing a thing of baby wipes and used them to clean myself off and it was better but it still felt viscerally uncomfortable and disgusting

I'm glad I have A body (even if it doesnt always fit right), but sometimes I'd rather swim in a pit of Lava than pay attention to it

[evakshinova]

"There is this urge inside me, I need to get it out"

[bylerholic-705]

every time i look in a mirror, i feel like im having a panic attack

[deviika]

—Albert Camus

[fleaworld2]

My dysphoria reads my posts in a girl voice wtf.thats str8 up evil dawg!

[sweetpayaso]

I wish I was a boy I wish I was a boy I wish I was a boy I wish I was a boy I wish I was a boy I wish I was a boy I wish I was a boy I wish I was a boy I wish I was a boy

I hate my body I hate my body I hate my body I hate my body I hate my body I hate my body I hate my body I hate my body

[land-of-thoughts-and-rants]

Black taint, creeping, stagnant, rotting, aching. Pain made manifest, yet unseen. It craves release, yet I do nothing to mend it. I am stagnant, I am rotting, I am aching. A simple call would begin the healing, yet here I still stand, doing nothing to do so. Another rot plants my feet, binds my hands, and make the former fester for longer. I see others release from this rot, I'm pleased for them, but I envy them too. The start would be enough, yet I can't even do that.

[mirthlenore-deactivated20241120]

I have never felt as if I belonged. I have always felt a complete stranger in this world in every aspect. I would always wish that I could simply fly away, or bury myself deep and slumber for centuries to come.

I knew something was off. Something was different. I wasn’t meant to be in this body. It’s all wrong. This was never meant to be me.

[chestersbraincell]

Feeling Claustrophobic in your own body<<<<<<<<<

[chestersbraincell]

Coping(going straight to bed, under the covers, distracting myself with my phone) with the horrors(body horror, ie having a body) right after every shower

[chestersbraincell]

I just have this oddly antagonistic relationship with my body that’s not healthy in the slightest. I just see it as a spiteful entity separate from myself that hurts me on purpose, even though I’m aware that’s logically impossible.