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[it-was-summer]

Video Killed the Radio Star - Tape #5

A/N: Hey, hey... that's not an earthquake!! It's me... Em. I was feeling a little sad because this series gets so much love despite being on hiatus. I love everyone for being so sweet and letting me take my sweet little time! This chapter... is rather short because I feel like a longer chapter would be rambling, and I want the next one to be GUT-WRENCHING. Let me know what you think!- Love, Em

Link to the: Video Killed the Radio Star Remake Masterlist Link to the Ao3: Video Killed the Radio Star Link to the: Yee olde masterlist

Previous Chapter: Tape #4 > Next Chapter: Coming Soon...

WARNING: Hospital, PTSD from sexual assault, Reader tries to punch a nurse, gauze mittens to the rescue, fear of drug addiction, mention of fatherly abandonment and bullying, guilt, a hospital bed, Spencer reid being... pookie i fear.

Pairing: Season7!Spencer Reid x VKTRSFem!Reader

Tape Contents: Waking up to a bunch of hands on you in the hospital doesn't go over well with you. Spencer delivers on a promise he made to a little girl, and then some.

Word Count: 2,649

March 7, 20XX

You can hear the beeping of the EKG machine before your mother’s voice—a soft, droning sound that maintains a steady tempo. You can count it, remembering something Adeline told you once about the best tempo for CPR– 120 beats per minute, stayin’ alive.  But this sound does not match that of the Bee Gees. The thought makes you smile; your lips twitch before your eyes open. 

Your mother has her hand gripping your limp one, calling your name as she watches you stir awake. When your eyes open, they don’t go straight to her or the EKG machine; they stare blankly at the ceiling. You stay like that for a moment, your fingers twitching against your mother’s palm. 

Your body feels like it’s moving through frames of air, your head rolling down to look at your mother with a rolling dizziness. Giving her a lazy smile, she throws her arms around your upper torso. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Her sobs make you feel guilty at first, your hazy brain not catching up all the way. Everything seems to be broken up in tragic mosaic tiles. 

Heather, pink, pain, blood, brown eyes. 

Your mother’s touch leaves you feeling heavy. When she pulls back from her emotional embrace, she places her hands firmly on your shoulders. You gasp sharply at the sensation, shaking your head quickly, your mouth filling with cotton. You watch her eyebrows knit together in fearful confusion, and one of her hands comes up to stroke the side of your cheek, hoping to soothe your fear. 

The feeling leaves a trail of rageful fire against your cheek, and you can’t stop yourself as you smack her hand away, eyes wild and crazed, as you let out a strangled sound. “No!” Your yell alerts the nurses to rush in as fast as possible. 

Your mother’s hands fly away from you at your yell, stammering softly, “I hugged her, I didn't-–” But the rest of her sentence drowns out as one of the nurse’s hands touches your left forearm, it's a graze of a touch. Her fingers are soft and steady, and it makes you feel sick as you pull your forearm away from her at the speed of light. 

“Don’t touch me!” You cry out, your cheeks flushing, and the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. You can feel the blood rushing in them— hear it as clear as day—the EKG pounds away: Beep, Beep, Beep, Beeps in unsteady notes. 

One of the nurses moves the IV stand out of her way, her fingers wrapping around the edge of the hospital bed, her tender green eyes looking down at you with pity. “Hey, it’s okay.” Her hand is reaching over the bed to fix one of your blankets, taking care to avoid any contact with your body. “You’re safe.” 

But her hand is too close, and you can feel the warmth of an invisible palm on your inner thigh— unwanted and vile. Your fists ball up, panting hard, as you swing at the nurse. Your fist misses her by an inch, and your lips part to scream at her, but you can feel someone’s hands actually on you now. One nurse is grabbing your shoulders, trying to pull you away from her colleague and push you back down on the hospital bed. 

The action makes you downright vicious, your mother screaming for you to calm down as you thrash against the hands on your shoulders. Overlapping voices swarm, but all you can hear is the pounding in your ears and your heaving pants. Another nurse rushes into the room, needle in hand, and stands at the ready as the other three nurses manage to hold your thrashing body down. 

The nurse with the needle is quick to administer what you can only assume is an opioid. It works fast like one, a warm comfort and then a welcoming darkness. 

When you wake up, you can see that your outburst from earlier has gotten you some special treatment. Your hands are padded and wrapped in a gauze-made mitten. You sigh as you flex your fingers weekly against the gauze, feeling the soft, scratchy material against your knuckles as you look around the room. Your mother is outside, head down as she talks with someone on the phone. You can barely hear her hushed voice, but you catch the sound of “She’s never been violent” before you decide it’s best if you don’t hear the rest of her conversation. 

Guilt creeps into your stomach because it’s true. You weren’t violent. You made cookies when people were sad and talked with your friends about how you thought every fight could be avoided with a good sit-down. The idea of peaceful talk seems naive now; no good talk could stop the seething rage from boiling in your blood.  

Were you still kind? Were you ever kind or just painfully sheltered? When did your sweetness leave you? Would it be a temporary leave or one in perpetuity? 

Did all of your goodness bleed out of your lip or the ‘x’ on your chest? Or was it seeping out of the broken bones of your ankle? You feel like crying at the onslaught of questions—questions of goodness, sweetness, blood, death, and rage. Two stood out above the rest: when will this be over? Is this just the beginning?

The thought of the rest of what made you… you, being stripped away until you were bare, made you start to cry. A soft sob left you as you numbly stare at flowers in vases and cards of well-wishes on the hospital’s windowsill. Your mother must have heard your sobs because she was standing by the side of your bed with heartbreak in her eyes.

You turned your head toward her, your mitted hands reaching toward her—toward comfort. But when you lift your hands, she flinches. You can see the shock on her face as her shoulders slowly relax. Her fingers nervously reach out for you, and she tentatively wraps her arms around you. She held you like you were precious china, like she was scared of scratching the surface of your skin. 

Your tears slow to a stop as you feel her arms around your upper torso, a numb feeling consuming your yearning heart. Some comfort this is. The voice in your head leaves you with a bitter taste on your tongue, and saliva comes to the surface of your tongue as you try to swallow away the feeling. She smiles as she pulls away, her hands smoothing your hair carefully. “I’ll go get you something to eat?” she offers with a grin. 

You nod, a stray tear falling down your cheek. Before she leaves, she cleans your face of tears with a Kleenex, and then she helps you find something on the menu, and she’s gone. 

The beeping from the EKG no longer brings you comfort, but the room's silence would be deafening without it, so for that, you’re grateful. You eye your ankles under the blankets, one clearly in a cast. You sigh, imagining how long that will take to heal. 

Wanting to see something happier, your eyes flit over to the window sill again. You see assortments of flowers scattered on the windowsill, and you hate that the sight doesn’t bring the joy that flowers usually do. Your eyes stray, staring down a red rose. You sniffle softly, forcing yourself to look away. 

Looking down at your hands, you wonder how to get out of these gauze mittens. You lick your lips carefully, your tongue tracing the edges of a tiny bandage on your lip. You bring one of your hands up to your lips, your teeth ready to try and tear the gauze off your hands. Just before you can attempt your —ultimately foolish— plan, a gentle knock on the doorframe spooks you. 

Turning your head, you see… Spencer Reid? You blink at him, then again, making sure you aren’t hallucinating. Why is he here? 

“JJ, um, is on the fifth floor.” You give him a look, eyebrows knitting together before you realize you must’ve said that question out loud. 

You don’t know what to say to answer, simply staring at him with a shocked expression. You weren’t complaining, of course. He had saved you from… that place. But that didn’t warrant a check-in… did it? You weren’t sure how things like this worked. Honestly, you would have been thrilled never finding out how things like this work, but that option is lost on you now. 

Spencer rocks back and forth on the soles of his feet, eyes shifting through the room slowly before he perks up and reaches for the messenger bag on his hip. Sitting up straighter, you try to peek at its contents before he pulls out a tattered orange stuffed cat— Bee. Seeing the stuffed cat, your hands instinctively reach for it, and your cheeks feel hot with embarrassment as Spencer’s eyes take in your wrapped-up hands. 

Spencer offers you a warm smile, walking toward you to place the plush cat beside you on the bed. Looking down at your hands, he whispers, “Did you hurt your hands?” 

You feel the urge to stuff them under the blankets and tell him it’s nothing, but lying feels pointless. “Ah, no. I,” you lick your lips, a pit forming in your stomach, “I tried to punch a nurse.” Your voice drops into a whisper, avoiding his gaze and looking solely at Bee. 

Spencer’s eyebrows raise, tilting his head to the side to get a better look at your hands. He tries to stop his lips from forming a smile, but he can't help it. He had walked in on you trying to chew through gauze. “I would not recommend chewing through that.” 

“Well,” You scoff, your gaze lifting to meet his with an exasperated scoff. “I don’t have a lot of options.” 

Spencer sucks some air through his teeth, shaking his head. “No, you don’t. We can always ask for help.” 

You blink, eyes leaving his face to look down at your hands. “You think?” You can’t imagine one of the nurses from earlier giving you the okay. But maybe if they reassess your condition, they’ll agree to it. You’re sure all the fight left in your body left the second they administered that sedative, right? 

The thought makes your throat tight, and you can feel your fingers twitching nervously under the gauze. Why did the fight leave you after they administered the sedative? Shouldn’t you’ve come back stronger? Your eyes shift back and forth across the room, your nerves getting the best of you as you ponder the question. Though a soft voice, sweet and sinister, and not yours, answers for you, ‘They gave you what you wanted.’

Spencer can see the tension building in your shoulders, your eyes nervously searching the room, and his chest tightening with emotion. He knows that anxious feeling. He can see it in your eyes. That desperate, silent plea for an answer to a question you haven’t spoken. For once, he finds himself without words, not knowing what to say. 

And while he sometimes struggles to read the room correctly… he can read the lingering question on your mind. It's a question he’s had since the Dilaudid. The same one that came into his mind after his father abandoned him, after being strung up on a flag pole by his classmates, haunting him all his life— What’s wrong with me?

He can hear your heavy breathing as he decides to speak, but there’s that rushing sound again. You listen to the muffled sound of his voice near you as you try to snap yourself out of your self-made spiral. Eventually, some words got through: “Should I get the nurse?” 

Your head spins at how fast your lips say, “No!” The sound of your shaky voice makes him freeze in his tracks. Your sight wavers momentarily, squeezing your eyes shut and opening them slowly to look at his concerned face. You sigh as they focus on him, and all you can see is his warm, honey-colored gaze. His eyes betrayed concern amongst their softness, compassion mixing with a soft look of apprehension. “No,” You repeat, softer, hating the idea of scaring him further. “Can you just...” There’s a pause, your eyes narrowing slightly. “Wait?”

Spencer slowly nods, stuffing his hands awkwardly into his pockets as quiet beeping fills the room. He wants to ask how you’re feeling, but he has a feeling he already knows. He’s experienced that look in your eyes, the dim light begging to grow brighter, how your bottom lip quivered before you told him not to get the nurse. He knows offering a comforting touch is the wrong move, and he’s not keen on that idea anyway.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice hits him like a train. Its ragged tone oozes self-hate. Upon hearing it, he pushes out a breath, his awkwardness fading into sympathy.  

“I wasn’t upset about anything.” He replies in a calm tone, “I’m the one who showed up here with no warning.” His eyes flick over to Bee by your side. “I was just following the orders of a little girl.” 

You glance over at Bee again before nodding. “Very dutiful of you.” 

“It’s what I’m known for.” 

“Not the gun and badge?” 

Spencer sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, “My skills with guns are lacking, and as for the badge, it only gets me so far.” He watches as a slow grin breaks out on your face, and your eyes drift over to his for a moment. He feels positively elated. Spencer decides that now is a good time for you to be free of those mittens on your hands. 

The nurses quickly reassess your condition as you throw soft and squeaking apologies their way. They quickly brush it under the table, repeating reassuring comments as they snip away at the gauze wrapped around your hands. 

You’re stretching out your fingers when Spencer’s fingers tentatively wrap around the strap of his bag. “Well, I suppose I should be going.” 

Your eyes widen at that, and you try to hide the quiet feeling of disappointment with a soft smile. “Oh.” 

Spencer can see how your eyes cast down at your hands and how your posture slumps. His fingers slip into his bag before he has time to think about it, rummaging around for a business card. He fidgets with the card for a moment, his long fingers tracing the edge of the cardstock. He hasn’t given anyone his card in a while, fearing it would backfire on him. 

But as he looks at your downcast expression, his heart aches, and he’s striding forward with his hand outstretched toward you. “If you ever need to talk.” Your eyebrows rise, and your fingers slowly take the card with a nervous expression.

“Thank you,” You mutter, studying the card in your fingers a moment longer. 

Spencer nods, stammering a little before he huffs out a quiet, “Of course.” Then he points toward the hallway, backing away from the bed. “I’ll see you.” he doesn’t know why he feels so tense, but he does. Your softening gaze made his heart beat a little faster than usual. You raise a hand, waving goodbye. “See you.” Once he’s gone, you find yourself gazing down at the card in your hands. Your thumb traces his name on the card, smiling at the sight. You know you’ll probably never call, but the offer is sweet. It reminds you that not everyone is afraid of you, and the thought makes you feel a little lighter as you place the card on the hospital bed tray. Likely to be lost among get-well-soons and flowers as you close your eyes with a lighter heart, waiting for your mother again.

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[2cpink]

Idk what the fuck im doing this is my first time reblogging and i found you on ao3 so i HAD to follow you. CONTINUE THIS FIC PLS