real actual things that happen in super paper mario (2007):
when asked to save the world, mario is allowed to say ‘no’ which causes you to just straight up die
mario is sent to hell by a magic clown
he finds luigi while in hell
an entire civilization is completely obliterated, after which mario is forced to wander amongst the rubble
one of the bosses is a girl who turns into a spider by snapping her neck and sprouting legs out of her head. yes you can hear the snapping
another boss is a geek who complains about anime and video games on the internet
luigi is the ideal host to a dark artifact of unspeakable power
a dude gets so mad about his dead gf that he decides to destroy the universe
(his gf isn’t actually dead she’s just a butterfly now)
mario is essentially forced into slave labor; the only way to beat that part of the game is to steal a million dollars
a wedding nearly destroys the universe
another wedding saves the universe
peach eats an apple so tasty that she falls into a coma
mario fights luigi (piloting a giant robot shaped like his head) in space
mario fights satan
the main villain of the game is NOT the final boss. the final boss is, in fact, luigi
