ok so im gonna start journaling soon w the goal of processing this stuff. but i've found out some rly morbid details and i just need to talk about it rn. this is 100% trauma dumping, please do not read this if you dont want to hear about suicide stuff (about my ex). i originally went to college w the goal of becoming a pathologist and doing autopsies, so details like these are really interesting to me.
so i know what happened basically. he told his sister who he lived with that he was going for a walk in the super early morning hours, like after midnight. he texted his mom and told her he loved her. then he went out to the woods near his camper and hung himself. i imagine he must have used an extension cord or something because he had those lying around, idk why he would have had rope around. but it even could have been a sheet. and i wonder if he knew how to tie the noose or if he looked up a tutorial. then in the morning his neighbors, this older lesbian couple, were bird watching through their binoculars. they saw something that looked weird so they got their other neighbor (a sweet old man my ex told me he considered murdering with an axe) to go check and he found him laying facedown on the ground.
so a couple things. my bf talked to a friend of his that owns a local crime scene cleaning company (cool as fuck) and he had some tidbits to share. so people that use a short distance of material to hang themselves have the right idea as it supposedly takes 10-15 seconds to lose consciousness and then thats that. if you have a lot of material and you jump from a height you can break your neck and suffer more than you need to. so my bf is worried that he jumped, broke the tree limb, and laid there with a broken neck for god knows how long. i personally think he wouldnt have jumped from a tall limb and he was so thin i dont think he would have snapped it off unless he just rly biffed the limb choosing. it makes more sense to me that the noose he tied just wasnt strong/tight enough to hold over a hundred pounds for hours and hours.
the other thing is that it explains why they arent doing a viewing of any kind and theyre just going straight to cremation. blood pools at the lowest point of a corpse so if he laid facedown he may have had a lot of blood causing discoloration of the face. it has also been extremely hot and humid lately w tons and tons of insect activity. i imagine some bugs probably did some work on his face, especially his eyes. there could have been animals too. there are tons of stray cats on the property and shit although that feels less likely idk.
anyways. i decided im not going to the memorial. i read his obituary last night and it pissed me off so bad. so i went and paid for a tree to be planted in his honor, its something the funeral home offered. so my name will be in the little guest book or whatever still. and i called tmobile abt our plan and i told the guy that we were in a relationship that ended badly and didnt talk for a year then he revoked my account access and passed away. the customer service guy got kind of emotional so that was interesting. he had to ask for his date of birth and i think he was shocked by his age since he was only 29. but im shocked, he actually paid off most of my phone bill! so that was nice of him to do.
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
areudirty
