aanu

schizophrenic🎀

[4agonies]

I once asked my mother if we could become gods. To which, she answered no and proceeded to say that gods lived inside of us.

As a kid, I believed her and from the day on, kept god inside my heart and took him everywhere I wandered.

Although the memory of abuse has faded and only shows itself in the faintest of flashbacks, dreams and my depressive episodes, I shall never forget the exact moment when my belief in god shattered.

If god truly existed inside of me, my innocence would not have been lost at the age of 7.

And if I could truly become god, he would have never laid his filthy hands on me.

[4agonies]

Today, 12th September 2025,

I stand firmly with my nation and its people.

We stand united and undefeated.

The battle that left us bloodied and extravagantly wounded is now over and the constitution has written itself with regards to this revolution.

As spring approaches, the future seems uncertain but beautiful and the stars have begun shining more luminously than before.

I shall not surrender, not until my blood touches the pavement, not until justice is served.

- history written in words.

[4agonies]

Love life, even in darkest moments in which, it does not seem to love you back.

Cry your wrist sized heart out.

Love the other until their blood avoids its path.

Reminisce the warmth of your parents.

Love your friends, when loved and lost, have the strength to make new.

Never forget to let go of what is making you rot.

For the sake of it, may you meet every emotion there is.

I curse you to feel life till its core parts.

I hope you hold it in your palms, clenching your sunkissed cheeks, silently whisper “I love you”.

While you are going down, go down with your colors flying.

Put up a good fight.

[4agonies]

What happened was unfair but I shall go on.

It was never supposed to end with me being wrecked, but it did. And now I am here. And I will go on.

He laughed and proclaimed that I had been doomed from the beginning, that every story ends with me being slaughtered.

I had decided long ago that if doom was inevitable, I shall make the most out of it.

If all flesh is to rot, then I am made of flesh too. Let me rot.

If all I ever have is darkness, then let it be extravagant.

If I am to bleed, let me go to war first.

If I am to go down, I will go down with my colors flying.

“See you at the ball!!” , said the Universe.

[4agonies]

My agony is greater than anything I shall ever encounter, so I will use it as a weapon and not a truce.

[l0v3rsreck]

And today, I am gonna dance with the part of myself that misses everyone and everything that is lost. The part of myself that could have been but didnt. As the wind knocks onto my window and reminds me, I promise to it that in my next life, I will. But for now, I am sending it off with love and nothing more. Goodbye.

[sippihippie-deactivated20250507]

I will keep coming back to life over and over again

[4agonies]

"You changed me, you should remember me, for i will remember you forever. If you cut open my bones, you shall see an imprint of your name engraved on its calcium filled walls. So, even as a small gesture, please remember me."

[4agonies]

"You changed me, you should remember me, for i will remember you forever. If you cut open my bones, you shall see an imprint of your name engraved on its calcium filled walls. So, even as a small gesture, please remember me."

[4agonies]

When you come back you will not be you.

And I may not be me.

But, you shall find me again. Even if you’re a thousand years late, I will still be here.

Perhaps in a different form, where you are the sea and I, the land that meets it.

Where you are the star and I am a spec of dust surrounding it.

Whichever scenario it may be, you will find me. Again and, again and, again.

[4agonies]

You shall search for me in every single person you meet, but, to your demise, you will be unable to find me. In anyone or anywhere. I will call that my revenge while the earthlings call it “deserved karma”.

[4agonies]

And how cruel was it of the world to continue spinning even after you left?

I stopped while you took a little part of me with you, but, the world? It kept on spinning.

[4agonies]

Somewhere far far away from this miserable place and miserable miserable people,

I shall meet you, yet once again.

I may be not able to precisely define exactly when, where or how,

But till then, I promise to rover, a million miles, in search of you.

Out beyond the ideas of wrong doings and right doings, there is a field, and I will meet you there.

[4agonies]

"Je vous souhaite d'être follement aimée." -André Breton, L'amour fou (Mad Loves)

translation: "My wish is that you may be loved to the point of madness."

Some desire mad love. Total madness. The kind that goes above and beyond, echoes back and leaves you breathless. The kind where you, nor your partner are sane. The kind of love that is supposed to be in books and legends that will be told centuries upon centuries later. There’s this quote in Hindi, “पागलपन की हद से ना गुज़रा वो प्यार ही कैसा” meaning, “what kind of love is it if it doesn’t cross the limits of craziness”. Let your love be brittle, let it swallow you as a whole. Drown in it knowing how to swim.

[4agonies]

[4agonies]

I love him in such a way that, It’s irrevocably disgusting to picture intimacy with him.

I want to be the blood that ignites his pulse, the heart that beats for him,

Most of all, I want to be his eyelash,

The eyelash that falls upon him and inflames hope.

The one that he breathes into and wishes.

The possibility of never seeing him again? Screw it.

I will blow away with the currents of his breath while hoping and praying that his wishes come into existence.

And, at the end, I will whisper a silent goodbye.

[4agonies]

I love him in such a way that, It’s irrevocably disgusting to picture intimacy with him.

I want to be the blood that ignites his pulse, the heart that beats for him,

Most of all, I want to be his eyelash,

The eyelash that falls upon him and inflames hope.

The one that he breathes into and wishes.

The possibility of never seeing him again? Screw it.

I will blow away with the currents of his breath while hoping and praying that his wishes come into existence.

And, at the end, I will whisper a silent goodbye.