Life Sucks

🚺 • 17 • Where shit gets real • cocsa

[thethingstheywrote]

Your body is safe, you are safe, I promise you’ll be okay again.

[stolen-childhood]

i wanna know who i couldve been without the abuse

[traumacoyote]

anyone else thought they were so cool as a kid cause they were into sexual adult things and weren’t like their other, “immature” peers, but really they were just hypersexual as a reaction to sexual trauma

[4leafc1over]

me: *within reaching distance of a pill bottle*

intrusive thoughts: u could overdose

me: why though

intrusive thoughts: dunno lol just pointing out the options ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[seraphimrot]

[divinitydawning]

[bpd00m]

thexual trauma tingz i experience:

physically feeling flashbacks

crying during sexi time with others

crying bc of how pathetic i feel for crying during sexi time

fear of sex with someone i have an emotional attachment to

but perfectly fine with hookups & flings

using vile language to describe myself when talking ab childhood trauma

viewing myself as an object

looking for validation that i am indeed an object

feeling like there's a knife in my stomach(??) and someone's trying to pull my intestines out

wanting to throw up

the 'Nam Stare

eyes casually rolling into the back of my head

not wanting to speak to anyone

but also secretly hoping someone would reach out to me and ask if i'm okay or just talk to me

feeling like a child

feeling small and naive

feeling filthy, disgusting, tainted, used like sloppy leftovers

𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝑜𝓂

[thethingstheywrote]

i think the worst part is that our suffering was preventable. 

-L

[darknesssinside]

You said that it was “normal”

[phantompainx]

[furiousgoldfish]

Skills you shouldn’t have to learn to survive yet child abuse forces you to:

moving around without making any noise

moving around the place without turning on the light

locking/unlocking doors in complete darkness

staying stoic in the face of screaming, threats, and violence

pretense of being calm even if in deep panic

perfect pretense of being fine even in the middle of breakdown

silent crying, crying without making any noise or even tears

doing physical work while crying or injured and not stopping

sensing when someone is angry or stressed because now they’re a danger to you

comforting and calming people down in desperate attemt to lower the amount of danger you’re in

recognizing a person by their footsteps, or a car by the noise it makes when turning to a stop

turning all injustices and anger inwards and making it into self hatred

hiding scars and injuries

expertly making excuses for marks or scars on yourself

dissociating in a second if there’s danger of new trauma

repressing mountains of trauma

surviving emotionally completely on your own

[rose-burn]

best parting gift // 2.23.17

[hyper-ion]

My delusion when I think about it in my head: Absolutely makes sense. Connects to everything. Logical and rational and 100% fact.

My delusion when I try to explain it to someone out loud: absolute fucking ridiculous garbage. What the FUCK are you ACTUALLY saying. Makes -200% sense. Connects to nothing. Causes embarrassment and shame.

[xinrest]

i always ask myself

who could i have been

if you didn't destroy me

at such a young age?

[lxremipsumm]

me? craving sexual intimacy but being insecure and disgusted by sex at the same time? absolutely, sir.

[m3ntalities]

csa victim culture

weird obsession with angel imagery

vent art (no one can say ur art is bad if it’s trauma related!)

“im feeling happy :-) oh but now i just saw/remembered something with a vague attachment to my abuser so now i think i will cry”

sex repulsed or hyper sexual no in between

emotionally attaching urself to male celebrities (if ur abuser is male)

the 5 emotions: anger, sadness, fear, shame, and the Void

intentionally triggering urself either to feel something or to not feel anything at all

loud music so u can’t hear ur own dumb thoughts

brain is on a constant loop of that distorted reaction vid of mr krabs losing it

[4leafc1over]

I am strong but I wish I wasn't. I'm afraid to be weak, to be flooded by trauma. Not because of the pain or memories but because of how people close to me will see me. I'm scared to see what little they will do to help me. To save me.