meulin from homestuck on drugblr @555misery - Tumblr Blog

I don't f33l anything at all

#girls who do hard drugs #schizoaffective #vent #schizophrenia #childhood trauma #csa victim #sa victim #bpd #actually bpd #Ocd #Ptsd #Cptsd #drug addiction #Addiction

I can't stop thinking about death

#actually bpd #drugblr #girls who do hard drugs #schizoaffective #vent #xanax #schizophrenia #childhood trauma #csa victim #sa victim

Nothing changes

#actually bpd #schizoaffective #schizophrenia #childhood trauma

terriblethingss

i want someone to hurt me i want someone to be gentle with me i want someone to degrade me i want someone to praise me i want someone to hold me i want people to stop touching me i want to be fucked i want to be loved i want to be left alone i want to be saved i need to be saved i want to be special i want to hurt myself i want to be hurt i want to be destroyed i want to be safe i want to be in danger i want to be dangerous i want to kill i want to be killed i want to be hit i want to be cut i want to explode i want to be okay i want to be okay

flowersbark

other sa survivors, does anyone else hate the trend of people saying like 'im gonna touch you' as a .. joke ??

I hate the world

#actually bpd #schizoaffective #vent #schizophrenia #xanax #girls who do hard drugs #drugblr #trauma #childhood trauma #vent post #csa victim #sa victim #depression #lonely #depressed

lullxbyblue

How are you supposed to just get up and go to school and go to work and come home and make dinner and fold the laundry and not want to kill yourself the whole fucking time.

Humanity disgusts me

#actually bpd #drugblr #schizoaffective #vent #schizophrenia #childhood trauma #Trauma #vent post #actually schizophrenic #Depression #Depressed #Lonely #csa victim #sa victim

iwillbreakyourfuckingskull

Kinda uhhh realising maybe it's not normal to masturbate while having daydreams about being violently abused to death when you're like 4 years old every night before bed. Maybe it is not normal that some of your earliest memories are of you lying still with your eyes open and holding your breath seeing how dead you can be in your bed after imaging yourself being murdered. Maybe it's not normal when strange men walk up to your mom after you did belly dancing for a school play when you were 7 to tell her how great you were at it and how you were so captivating. And for my mom to brag about me appealing to a strange father like that. And for her mom to brag about it too. How I was so charming and beautiful and smart and a natural performer. How I was groomed by my own grandma for her own sadistic pleasures of manipulating children into doing what she wanted. A little song bird in its cage. A puppy doing tricks for its family. A child wanting to be loved by being useful to their family. A sister wanting to take on the burden of being the perfect doll to protect her younger siblings without even understanding that that was what she was doing. A little girl acting without even thinking. Just going along as if she didn't have free will. Just like a robot doing what it was built to do when you press the button. Don't think. Just do. Don't think. Just. Do.

I am so overwhelmed. I am fatigued. I feel so isolated and lonely. I cant tell anyone I know. I dont have many clear memories. My body remembers, but what precisely it's reliving, I don't know. Im scared to know. I want her dead

Everyday is boring and depressing it feels the same ,,, play the same character and go through it all again nothing changes,,,, the same boring routine