anon ramblings

My random thoughts and worries about whatever the hell this blog is supposed to be about.

[6thseeker]

I WANT WEED SO BAD RN

7 days sober and im not smoking cause I need to do exams and concentrate but its all I can think about

[6thseeker]

Oh god it feels good

OCD fueled delusion/need. like penectomy. You have ocd so bad you wanna cut a limb off. its a mental illness caused by the body's disconnect for that limb, but because they are mentally ill, they cannot make the choice to do such a altering desicion. according to society. thus the person is in limbo. too mentally ill to cut their limb, but the limb is causing the illness. endless cycle

[6thseeker]

existencial dread with a happy ending

I'm really scared about the life I have lived. I focused for years about being productive, perfect and hardworking. I never felt happy, but only numb or content. Now, I'm realizing that I dont want to be like this. I dont want to be a robot. I spent my teenyears miserable, and I dont want to continue this trend into my 20s. My only problem is I dont know what to do instead, or maybe im focused on the wrong thing. Idk. im just worried. I spend all my time making comics that nobody reads. I have immersed myself in this Mafia Kids uniserver for so long, it's a core part of me. I have a lot of fun imagining, but sometimes I find it hard. It's easier to watch TV than to sit down in your bubble and just imagine, but my imagination is what makes my life good. Ever since I was a kid I would romanticize my life, imagine myself as a comic/cartoon character, and I cant help but do it now. I see myself as a reclusive artist trapped in my room, longing to break free and show the world my art. I'm the secret artist, the hidden author. Something corny like that. but does it mean anything? is this a good life? Will I look upon my art and creations with satisfaction once I die? does my art need a witness for it to be art or worth all my time? I keep running after fame and validation but it doesnt really matter.... I create regardless of how much attention my art gets. I create regardless of the money I have. But I dont have many friends, I dont have a family. I'm alone all the time with the exception of rare occasions. I wonder if I should go outside or talk to more people. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable, other times, it makes me happy. I'm glad that despite the little friend group I have, I still have them. For so long, I only had 1 friend, and I longed to to be accepted by more people in a small but tight knit friend group. now I have that... but covid has once again trapped me in my room, and I'm heart broken. I don't know what to do but I like to think of myself as a cartoon character going on adventures. I want to work at a gas station at night, and meet new people. I really want to work at a gas station. I dont know... but I kinda feel better writing this. even if my comics aren't popular, I feel.... ok with that. I hope I mean something to a small but tight knit fanbase and I work my art helps them. I hope the people I see at the gas station will be unique and cool characters too, like in my imaginary world. I'm trapped in my room, but its ok. I like this room.... I dont like the rest of the house though.

[6thseeker]

growing up

I'm growing up, the things that didnt affect me in the past now do. Like not sleeping. I used to be so full of energy, but now I'm 22 and tired if I dont sleep. Plus eating, I used to starve all the time. I was a skinny but athletic kid. Now, im a fat adult who gets pain when hungry. I'm thinking a lot about life and my health. I have to live better to feel better. My emotions are linked to what I do.

[6thseeker]

JUSTIN'S ENTIRE PLAN IN TOTAL DRAMA IS TO JUST MAKE THE GIRLS HORNY TO DO WHAT HE WANSTS!??!?!??!??!??

I'M ASEXUAL AND I THOUGHT HE WAS MAKING GIRLS IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT NOW I RELISED THAT BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ARE NOT ADMIRED EASTHETICALLY, BUT IN A SEXUAL WAY. EVERYBODY SEES EVERYBODY IN A SEXUAL WAY IF THEY HOT??? LIKE BEING HOT MEANS YOU MAKE THE OTHER PERSON HORNY JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM??? OH MY GOD- THATS DISGUSTING- PEOPLE ARE HORNY THAT OFTEN?????? WHAT THE FUCK? ARE PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT??? WHAT THE FUCK

[6thseeker]

Influence is power

Money is not power, but influence over people is power. You can buy influence to a certain extent. in order to gain influence you need as many people to like you, or the right people to like you. it's all social engineering. Gouverments are people who are widely known, and are liked by a lot, and a specific group of already liked people for example, it's harder for famous common folk to become parliament workers at a high level, because they havent appealed to the parliament workers yet and have to break in. so the president/leader is always the person who is both famous among his peers but also outer circle. In order for me to have power and a good life, I must gain many friends and a fan base. in which csector of life to I wanna be powerful in? Art? music? I dont want political or normal power. I amount power in the fields I spend my most time in. this means I must post more and gain a following online in my field. I already have a good base with my comics, and old YouTube stuff, and I know my target audience. the time is right. I must change my focus of content and make hot take videos, tutorials, story stuff and analysis videos. stuff with more of me talking. scripted. passionate and good personality. I got a best friend and boyfriend. I think I cant be myself and have a lot more people like me. I'll be a good person on the internet. being myself and talking about my passions will be enough, plus my skill and presentation. Also money buys fame or whatever.

[6thseeker]

BVeing high is like a super power

Very high rn like most high omg when im high I have Tourettes (body tics and stuttering, random screaming) but if I do deep breathe, rational thinking and calming emotions, I can lower it. even rn by concentrating, I can write and think this, but my head and neck are moving on their own, timing over and over. more excited, happy, scared or angry I get, I tic and stutter more, my body is basically spazzing out. I even hurt my neck ticking this badly. but with grounding techniques I can calm it down it's like a super hero controlling their powers by controlling their emotions. they are neurotypical!!! Neurotypicals control their emotions better (citation needed) or are just better at identifying their emotions. more stable mood swings etc. the more trauma and stress somebody endures, the less emotional control they have so less control on their powers, more evil or using their powers for evil because uncontrollable powers are destructive to the self and those around you. what the fuck was I talking about

[6thseeker]

Cute = Cat

Have you ever noticed that anything cute is more cat like by default? I honestly can't look at my boyfriend without seeing him as a cat. He's too cute. He's very cat like in personality, and he even purrs when comfortable. My friend is also very cute, and she's cat like, but that's because she's a furry. She also draws really good, but I don't register her cute OCs as human anymore because she draws them with big anime eyes and :3 smiles all the time. They look like cats. The cuter something is, the less human it is. It becomes a cat by nature of it's adorableness. I don't find dogs cute, and by other animals only look cute by their likeness to cats. Ferrets, axotyls, mice, etc. they all have cat like features, but they never are as cute as a cat. The cat-ness meter is a perfect meter to measure cuteness Objectively.

[6thseeker]

Conspiracy theory:

The Odd1sout will be outed as a zoophile in 2023

[smilesiblings-deactivated202202]

this is awfully specific

[6thseeker]

I know but it will happen. let us prepare mentally.

[6thseeker]

All the houses are the same

I was walking thru my neighbourhood and I looked at all the buildings. I got that odd unfamiliar neighbourhood feeling I'd get when in a suburb that is not my own. Ya now the feeling of being in a neighbourhood that looks lie your own, but it isn't and everything feels fake, you're out of place, and everything is just so... perfect? The lawns, the buildings, the cars... it's all white middle class? Well, I got that feeling, but only from the new buildings. My neighbourhood has a mix of old and new buildings here. The old ones feel like home, and welcoming, but the new ones give that cookie cutter suburb. I looked at a house with a decorative Christmas tree in the yard. I loved it. It was stylized, and only was a big cylinder made of light. It imitated a tree, but really it looked like a big spike coming out of the ground. I thought to myself: "this is awesome... Imagine decorating the outside of your house with big spikes! that would look so cool." I peaked inside the windows of these houses and to my horror... They all looked the same. White walls, modern gray decor, a printed painting bought at Walmart for a moderate splash of color... It was so boring and dead. It was as if the humans residing the houses had not only been confirming to society outside of their homes, but inside it as well. I have always had this understanding that your house, your home, is your space. Your special space to be yourself. Outside in society, you have to lie, hide your true self and conform. It might be because I'm neurodivergent... But this is how I feel. I thought others would do the same. But no, everybody decorates their houses the same way. Every room is uniform, trendy, and nothing is personalized. It's all premade, bought, and collected. Where are the posters of your favorite thing? Where are your hobbies? What mades this house truly your space? If every house looks the same, then is it really your home? I can just walk in and mistake it for my house. It's scary. it's brain washing. Is this capitalism or are humans just this similar?

[6thseeker]

What it takes to be a Main character:

- have an uncommon name - have uncommon apperence - not part of the majority - has a stand out trait that disctincts him from the rest of the characters - Has a event, arc, conflict, in life. aka not stagnant. they have a goal they need to achieve or issue to overcome. struggle - live is most in line with certain types of genres: ( aka, being a detective irl: being crime mystery genre for life. having a quirky love life, or struggling to fine love irl: romance genre. being a cowboy or framer is western genre. etc. etc.) - dramatic or eventful life - interesting personality that ounces well with other characters. side characters tend to take less actions than main characters do - has multiple people in their life that are less interesting that themselves. not in a narc way, like people that are seen as more normal by society. aka, being basic. - MC is not basic. aka fits in with the society. there various degrees with blending in with the majority, but the MC has a distinct feather about them. EX: Matsu sexteplets fit in with Japanese culture and fit a NEET archetype that is relatively common. but they are unique because they are all twins.

[6thseeker]

Why do humans have reoccurring names?

Ya know how when you're naming your baby and you have to chose a name that already exist out of a list of names? like these are names and dont mean anything, but you name Bradley Bradley instead of zoozipoo because Bradley is a name and zoozipoo isnt? Well actually a lot of names mean something. they all have a root word or meaning in old English or latin. Even back then in those languages, they had root words that came from location, place, or use. back then there wasn't many people in the old human tribes. so there was no worry for repeat names. Each tribe member would get a name, or rather, a label donating who's family the baby was from and what they did. names equal role or whatever idk im fucking high

[6thseeker]

My triggers

- confrontation - screaming/yelling - sexual assault/ sexual gratification from violence or suffering - pedophilia/zoophilia/rape - Heavy Alcohol Depiction - Heavy Sexual + Gore Depiction

[6thseeker]

my 16 year old friend

when she was 16 she was taking edibles. she had bad memories, lacking self awareness, overly confident, and had bad role models. she got high, had all these crazy thoughts. she began to believe them. high thoughts became her delusions, or thoughts about how the world worked. Thats why she started to have that view on god and immortality, where as before she was a strict atheist. she develepped schizo to. kid being easy to manipulate. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeEH21NYJMU&t=383s 24:00

[6thseeker]

I'm high and this is my thoughts about communism

Most usual people, or humans before us spent their time together, and not alone. I might be friends with most people in town, I might be friends with my neighbour. Basically, they are more in contact with other humans and go a lot more chores due to lack of technology. Personal relationship as a small town community relies on its various members to produce ressources and trade. Now a days, we have all our food, electricity, water, and basic needs met. Theres no incentive to trade, or work. As much. Isnt the future about progress? Like, they invent things in order to optimize a task as much as possible. Farming, travel, etc. why not optimize live to make sure that all food, water, and medicine is infinite? YOU can just have whatever you want materialistically. Be able to teleport, etc. this land would be a communist utopia. If all ressources are abundant and free to use for everyone, then theres no reason for there to be jobs or labor. Everybody’s needs will be met, and everybody will be educated. They could live without as job for the rest of their lives, only taking what they need… or they could get a job, to get more money in order to do non essential things, like vacations, or buying toys. Despite everybody being free and not needing to go get a job, people will still be incentivized to help people, optimize more and trade. Humans by nature want their lives to be the best. If people dont need to constantly worry about their health, education and food, aka basic survival, they could use that motivation until they reach peak performance. Basically, people will clean, find ways to keep things clean, have more creativity, more production of art, social gatherings, etc. It’ll be a society based on fun rather than productivity. Humanity’s technological improvement happens naturally away. Even if humanity doesnt progress and stays at this level, its ok. Humanity won when it comes to the genetic lottery. A species at our level technologically has never been seen before. Us finding a way to provide survival to all human beings will be the best option. The only way we can achieve this view of humanity, where all humans are able to survive in good condition, then we will flourish. Capitalism bad I guess.

[6thseeker]

Light can only project full saturated colors

[6thseeker]

I feel good living in my own story

My life is a comic book, im a comic book character, I really like the person im becoming, if I was reading a story about myself, I'd be a really interesting character. its official that I am the main character now. like wow wow wow and my life is pretty aesthetic too. its drawn in my art style, and like ghost eyes, I have a bunch of tiktok fans and followers following me. I am a comic book character, im a character. I'm so cool, and deranged. im alt, cute and quirky. im trans and the gays love me. im loved by tiktok alt kids and autistic queers. im loved by tiktok, I am a tiktok edgy alt comic character I enjoy this culture, I finally found my subculture where I can be myself in. tiktok alt queers are my scene, yes yes yes yes yes I want to live in that space and get more tiktok alt friends. but that does this is starting to make less and less sense.