hiatus notice.
Well, I've been focusing a shit ton on my Bruce blog and I really don't feel Steve as much anymore. Idk if I'll be gone forever or just for a while, but... -waves- Sorry. You can find me at greenwithgxmma now.

JVL
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
trying on a metaphor
One Nice Bug Per Day

shark vs the universe
Mike Driver
NASA
cherry valley forever
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
hello vonnie
AnasAbdin
Sweet Seals For You, Always

Andulka

#extradirty

★
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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@70yearsgxne
hiatus notice.
Well, I've been focusing a shit ton on my Bruce blog and I really don't feel Steve as much anymore. Idk if I'll be gone forever or just for a while, but... -waves- Sorry. You can find me at greenwithgxmma now.
{Fuck me. I don't even know what threads I have on here anymore so I'm just going to start new ones at some point. I need to work on my time management >-< Time to find a schedule.}
“Well, a warm shower and my favourite shoes, but they’re back in England, so I guess that’s a lost cause. Oh, something from you? Nah, I’m fine.”
"I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. If you actually need a warm shower, I can always offer mine for you to use."
"You still need to acknowledge them, though. Can’t face them if you won’t admit they’re there.”
"Sometimes not facing them seems like the best option at times like this."
He doesn’t really see what’s so funny, he was just stating a fact, but he realizes it’s probably the way he said it. Bucky doesn’t really care, though; at least the mood has changed.
As Steve shifts the paper for him to see, the dots do begin to form something a little more recognizable. It’s clear that it’s a person, but it isn’t until Steve labels it as being him that he realizes that’s who it is.
“Oh, okay. Yeah, I see it now.” He leans back and smirks. ”Don’t forget to add in my luxurious hair, won’t be a masterpiece without it.”
Steve lets out another laugh at the other’s words and pulls his paper back to him, getting back to work on the picture. He didn’t think he would finish it in a way that he would like it for a while, but it was a nice way to pass the time right now.
It was nice to be able to get along with Bucky so well in these times when it seemed things would never be the same when that was all Steve wanted. He wanted to be able to joke and wrestle and not worry. He wanted to go back to the times before the war.
”Oh, as if I could. It would just throw everything off balance if I didn’t just perfect your luxurious hair, Buck. I think Thor is even jealous.”
"Wait, really? Well, that’s a little awkward. Interesting, though.” She’d have to talk to - who do you talk to in situations like this? Stark? “Ah, pleasure to meet you then, Captain Rogers. Should I be wishing you a happy birthday?”
"Suppose it would be polite of you to do so. You... look vaguely familiar as well. I feel like I'm missing something in this situation. Am I missing something? Oh god, you're not here for my birthday, are you? Stark didn't hire you?"
"Happy birthday, Steve. 'Doing anything fun tonight? And you /know/ there's only /one/ right answer to that question." Sam grins.
"Well, it's not like I have anything planned, but I'm sure you have something planned. I'm assuming the right answer to that question is, yes, I do."
"Now, Steve… what would your ma say hearin’ that kind of thing?" Bucky teases, shaking his head slightly. He glanced down, fighting back a flush when he recognized his own profile coming to light on the page. "Who says we need alcohol to have a good time? And I’m not talkin’ about celebrating like it’s a big thing. Hell, the further away from the crowds and fireworks, the better. I’m talkin’ about just you and me, something small like we always used to have. Get you a cake or something, just have a little thing just for us, you know?"
He shrugs one shoulder nonchalantly, almost as if he doesn’t care one way or the other if Steve turns him down. Snorting quietly, Bucky shakes his head again in disbelief. “A bit vain, aren’t you? It was a reference… don’t flatter yourself.”
”My ma is already going to be smacking me with a wooden spoon when I reach the pearly gates. I just suppose I’m wracking up things to get in trouble for to make up for lost time. I’m going to pretty late for when she probably had schedule, you know? That 70 year time freeze is really gonna mess up her schedule and you know how much she loved to stay on those.” Steve shakes his head fondly, smiling as he thinks. “But yeah, I’d be up for something small with a cake. Not saying I need alcohol, it tastes terrible and without the buzz it used to give me after a few, I just can’t handle it anymore.”
Steve laughs regardless though. “Oh c’mon. It’s my birthday! Let me be vain for at least once in my life. I wasn’t even vain after I got all of this done. You used to go out knowing you looked good!”
Bucky craned his neck to see what was on the paper. Bit hard when you’re sitting across from one another, but the page was mostly blank. He lifted an eyebrow, knowing it was probably supposed to look like something, but he couldn’t figure out what it was supposed to be.
”It’s a bunch of dots,” he said matter-of-factly. Bucky did have an appreciation for Steve’s works, but dots? Really?
Steve can’t keep the laugh from sounding at the other’s matter-of-fact tone. It genuinely entertained him and he looks up at Bucky with a grin despite the situation’s previous emotion. Steve knew that Bucky was trying to appreciate what was on the paper, but knew if it wasn't done and you didn't know what to look for, it could be hard.
”Look again, Buck, look a bit closer,” he tells him, moving the paper more into the other’s sight to make it easier. Then, he says what it is.
”It’s you.”
….Alright, don’t really believe you, but hell.
[ Text: Starspangledrogers ] Uuhhh...Remember me? Toddrick?
[ Text: Starspangledrogers ] (。・・)_且 coffee we never got?
[ Text: Starspangledrogers ] The little interrogation you gave me? Btw sorry about that it was like a dare.
[ true. no random person was supposed to unless by accident, but a detective has his ways. CIA training since the age of 7 also helped. ]
[Text: Unknown Number] Oh you mean the crazy guy who was writing a book or something? That was you? [Text: Unknown Number] How did you get my number?
The skepticism on Steve’s face isn’t unfamiliar. It’s what he’s usually met with, because Bucky can’t bring himself to tell the blond what’s going on in his mind, and though he knows that expression, he doesn’t know what thoughts lay behind it. He hopes Steve knows he doesn’t keep things to himself to make him concerned. He does it for just the opposite reason.
“I know you do.”
Having people worry over him, care about him is still a strange feeling. He sees the papers in Steve’s hands, isn’t sure when they got there. But he sees the pencil and knows he’s doodling.
“What’re you drawing?”
Steve stopped hoping some time ago that Bucky would open up to him with some prodding. He didn’t want to force him to do anything and when he realized Bucky probably wouldn’t do it on his own, he dropped it without another thought. He feels slightly left in the dark though. All he wants to do is be able to help his best friend.
At the mention of his drawing, he looks down at the paper, giving a bit of a shrug. He was trying his hand at a bunch of different art styles and right now, he was trying pointillism. It was much easier with paint, but Steve didn’t have paint with him now. On the paper was the beginning of a pointillism picture of Bucky.
”Nothing. Just... practicing with a certain style.”
” Patriotic, right? Aren’t you proud?”
"Of course. Always proud of the work you do."
Smiling back over at Steve, Bucky settles properly into the chair. He pulls Steve’s sketch over towards himself and looks at it. He slides it back across to Steve. “Looks good… but is this really how you want to spend your birthday?” he asks, giving the captain a knowing grin. Not that he really has any plans for them, but it’d be nice to give him a proper birthday now that he was able to remember the little ones he’d had back when they were young.
Snorting quietly, Bucky can only shake his head at Steve’s attempt at a joke. “Yeah, well, when you play Sleeping Beauty for seventy years or so, that tends to happen.”
”You know I’ve never been much for celebration ever since I found out I can’t have as good of a time as everyone else when alcohol is involved,” Steve murmurs with a bit of a shrug, pulling back the sketchpad and flipping the page, beginning to draw Bucky now, just because he was in front of him. It was something he did frequently now that he was back, but it was nice to get different poses and lighting. And it wasn’t like he was the only person he drew frequently. He also drew the team frequently.
”I’m not sure how to take that Sleeping Beauty comment. I mean, you just called me a famous princess, which is pretty cool; but there’s also ‘beauty’ in that statement, so I’m taking it you’re calling me beautiful. And I am, you’re right. I am a sight to behold,” Steve says with a goofy grin.
"I would kiss every last one of your scars away if you would let me."
Bucky’s eyes shown with tears unshed as he quietly turned to look at his friend, “Steve…” he whispered softly. He constantly felt like he was falling apart, but when he was with Steve, he felt whole, “You’re too kind to me. I don’t deserve your kindness. I’m sorry I’m such a mess, I’m sorry I’m not the friend you remember.” He said quietly.
Bucky feels his heart speed up in panic as Steve’s eyes fill with tears. He can’t handle the idea that he caused Steve to cry. He shook his head, looking down as Steve touches his arm and steps closer. He looked up at Steve, his own eyes beginning to fill with tears as horrible memories flooded his mind. He slightly tightened his grip on Steve; not enough to hurt him, but just enough so that Bucky knew Steve was real and there with him, “Steve,” he whispered, not even knowing where he should begin. He shook his head again slightly, “I don’t know what I’d do without you; I really don’t. You’re the best fucking friend I could ever ask for.” Steve made him feel like less of a monster; he lessened the weight that settled on his chest, and cleared the storm in his head. Without Steve, he didn’t know where he’d be.
Steve gives a brief flash of a smile before he’s wiping at his own eyes to try and stave off the tears. He always felt weak crying. He rarely cried when his mother died, not in front of people. At night, by himself, he would cry for hours because he felt so utterly left alone. When Bucky died, he didn’t get to mourn properly until he was being watched from every angle by SHIELD. Now that he had him back – his broken best friend, not that it mattered of his state – it was like an awakening. Especially when Bucky was telling him he didn’t know what he would do without him. He had to stop himself from hugging him right away and just squeezes his arm a bit tighter. “I could say the same for me, you know? I- You keep me upright.”
Is the cuddles meme still open? QuQ
{meme}
Steve had finally gotten another apartment beside the one in DC, right in Brooklyn where he had grown up, where he felt he belonged, and he was currently sitting on the couch. The sun had already set for the day and he wasn’t exactly sure what time it was anymore. He had long since put his sketchbook on the coffee table in front of him and was just listening to the faint buzz of the radio, too soft to make anything out, but loud enough to put his mind at ease. His eyes were drifting shut when he feels someone sit down next to him, a blanket being thrown over him. He cracks his eye open and glances over, smiling when he sees Bucky, reaching out a hand and placing it gently on the other’s chest, patting it gently before settling on his arm. He wouldn’t be able to sleep in the blanket, would wake up overheated and sweaty, but he stays under them, just for his friend, keeping the comfortable silence.
Bucky can’t help but smile, his cheeks tinting pink as Steve pats his cheek. He considers the others offer and nods. He followed Steve into the kitchen, taking a seat on the counter, “Yes please.” he said. He was glad for the lighter mood. He couldn’t help but chuckle at Steve’s previous comment, “Oh please, I don’t think anyone is going to be too wild to throw a punch at you anytime soon. Maybe when you were a little squirt they would, but they know you could kick their ass now.” he said, smirking, ” ‘Cept I could give you a run for your money, but I wouldn’t want to damage that pretty face of yours.” he teased.
”Aw, Buck, I didn’t know you thought I was pretty,” Steve teases him as he puts the coffee on, the pot beginning to drip the contents after he presses the button, a smirk on his face as he looks to his best friend. This really was nice, the way they’ve settled into together. Just like the old days with a few… minor changes. Like the fact that Steve was 6’0” instead of 5’4” and Captain America and Bucky had a metal arm and wasn’t quite Bucky anymore. It didn’t matter to him, though. He didn’t expect everything to be the same by a long shot. “I think you’re pretty too.”
"Being strong doesn’t mean being impervious. It’s okay to be afraid. You just can’t let it paralyze you.”
"Couldn't even if I wanted to. Got duties that won't allow me to."
{ "Mission report?"
Silence was met with a slap to the face, and it stung, but nothing like the realization that there was a man, he knew him, and that was going to be taken away.
He remembered the searing pain of the devices used to wipe his mind, what an empty shell of a monster he was, easy to fill with dirty deeds needed to be carried out. }
Bucky looked up from the ground, returning from a daze.
“What? Yeah, I — I’m fine.”
Steve doesn’t look convinced but he already knows he shouldn’t ask questions. He knows this isn’t the Bucky he left behind but he’s not going to think about it because he wasn’t the same guy Bucky probably remembers.
He just nods slowly, looking down at his sketchpad again. It was difficult for him not to say anything. Not to say anything that he thought to be reassuring that might not be. He doesn’t want to create any tension, though.
”Just wanting to make sure. You know I worry about you.”