Okay, so, AU where Eddie has a daughter with Myra before they ultimately get divorced because, wow, he’s not straight. Who saw that coming?
Except, Eddie also has no idea how to be gay and looking for a relationship. He thinks he’s too old for that. He’s not cute anymore, his best years are behind them, and it seems like the only guys in New York who are interested in someone his age are young guys with daddy issues, or who just guys who think he’s going to be some sort of a sugar daddy, and that’s… oh my god, that’s so not what he’s looking for. He doesn’t even have the money to pull that off.
His daughter, as young as she is, just doesn’t understand. She asks him questions like, “Why don’t you just go pick a boyfriend, Daddy?”, and he’s always telling her it’s not that simple.
Obviously, his daughter is about as stubborn as her parents. She takes the phone that Myra insisted she have to keep in contact with her and downloads a dating app. She uploads a couple different pictures she’s stolen of her dad, like him and her at a daddy daughter dance, him napping on the cough, all that kind of stuff. She’s not sure what to write for the bio, so she just writes “This is my dad. Please make him smile again.”
Unfortunately, there’s not even that many guys for her to choose from. The amount of men seeking men of her dad’s age seems to be pretty small, so she can’t be too picky with her matches. She does, however, end up unmatching plenty of them when it turns out they just wanted to see if the profile was fake, or they just wanted to do “adult things” to her dad.
“Love is a everybody thing,” she says, “So I dunno what adult thing you’re talking about, but my daddy doesn’t want it.”
One day though, one day she sees a familiar face, and it doesn’t take her long to figure out where she recognizes it from. The profile says “Richie”, and she immediately recognizes him as the guy her dad likes to watch on tv. They’ve watched his show on Netflix like twenty thousand times, and they laugh each and every time. One of her favorite things to do is quote him when her dad’s least expecting it, and making him giggle in a way he doesn’t do much anymore.
And she’s pretty heart broken when it’s not a match.
She tries to forget the guy, making a face whenever she sees his stupid face pop up under “Watch It Again”.
Her dad even tries to put it on one night, and she huffs, saying she doesn’t like Mr. Toes Face anymore. “He’s not even that funny, Dad.”
It makes her sad to see the way that makes him frown, but he doesn’t say anything else. He just puts on some Nailed It, so she can laugh at the cakes and moves on.
They don’t talk about Richie Tozier for awhile after that. They move on, and eventually she even forgets about the stupid app. Until she’s at her mom’s house for the week, and she wakes up to one new notification.
She opens it, fully expecting another creep, but instead she sees Richie’s face with a message, “Does your dad like bad jokes?”
The next thing either of them know, they’re talking hours on end. They talk a lot about her dad, but also a little about her, and she likes that. She even tries to tell Richie that he has to come to their house for dinner tonight, but he says it’s rude to show up uninvited, which makes no sense to her, since she just invited him.
She tells him as much, and he agrees, but still he says he can’t come. Upset and, more than a little spoiled, she decides desperate times call for desperate measures.
After the bell rings for recess, she manages to slip away, and she keeps walking and walking. She tells Richie as much, as soon as she’s so far away from the school, and he flips.
“Why?? You can’t just run away because someone can’t come to your house! You’re going to give your dad a heart attack!”
“It’s an asthma attack, but if you bring me home, you’ll make my dad feel all better :)”
She has to dodge a couple of calls from her dad before she finally gets Richie to agree.
She tells him where she is, and he shows up about fifteen minutes later in a nice red car. He tries to get her inside it to take her home, but she insists that her dad would freak out if she got in the car with a stranger. Richie tells her that’s ridiculous, he’s just trying to get her home to her dad, and she says that’s exactly the kind of thing her parents said the bad guys would say to her.
Mumbling a few curse words under his breath, Richie resigns himself to walking her back to her house, holding her hand as they make their way through the streets. They only make it so far before people start to recognize him, and he insists on holding her, tucking her face into his chest to try and hide her identity. She likes it. He smells nice, and all these people swarming around them are kind of scary, but he makes her safe.
When they finally make it home, Richie sets her down, and she goes rushing to the door. Her little fist barely even connects with the wood before it’s being thrown open and her the ground is suddenly far below her as she’s lifted high into the air.
“You’re squishing me!“ She whines, but Eddie just hugs her tight, peppering kisses all over the side of her hair.
“Pardon Daddy’s language, sweetheart, but I don’t give a shit.”
“No! No, you scared the crap out of me, princess. Do you even remember what I told you?? Do you know how many kids that go missing- oh my fucking God.“
Giggling, she twists to see the way her dad’s eyes go wide as he finally notices the comedian behind her. “Sorry. My daddy has a potty mouth,” She apologizes, sounding not at all sorry. Richie just shrugs.
“That’s alright, cutie. I’m used to it. People are always calling me-”
“Trashmouth,” He finishes in sync with her dad.
Richie grins about as bright as Eddie blushes.
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